BoBoMoe

BoBoMoe

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There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date... "Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra ?" "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I had this coupon." "No wine for me. My urologist says not to mix alcohol and penicillin." "I used to come here all the time with my ex." "I never said you need a nose job. I said you should consider it." "My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear me on the answering machine

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Quality of Life An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while, Senor." The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The

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WHERE DO REDHEAD BABIES COME FROM? After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the ostetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine." "Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool." "It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our familie

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Priestly Kindness One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool. "What's wrong with you?" said the priest. "Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog." "Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!" "Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the loca

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Night At The Barn A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening." With that he departed to the barn, a

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Golf Bet A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says "Say, we're about evenly matched; how about we play for a $5 a hole?" The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the seco

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Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. Exercise - Calories burned per hour Beating around the bush -75 Jumping to conclusions - 100 Climbing the walls - 150 Swallowing your pride - 50 Passing the buck - 25 Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)- 50-300 Dragging your heels - 100 Pushing your luck - 250 Making mountains out of molehills - 500 Hittin

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Passport An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right ha

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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request Dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die,

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From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot in the summer heat. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he would fix the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack o

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"How To Know You're Growing Older" Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. You get winded playing chess. Your children begin to look middle aged. You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

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You know she has PMS when she... stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo. considers chocolate a major FDA food group. puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom. develops a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles. retains more water than Lake Superior. denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers one."

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JOHN DOE My name is John Doe. Driving to my office this morning on Interstate 10. I looked over my shoulder to the left and there was an attractive woman in a brand new Mustang, with her face up next to the rear view mirror putting on her eye makeup. I looked away for a few seconds, and when I looked back, there she was halfway over in my lane, still working on her eyeliner. It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the Krispy Creme out of my othe

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GENDER ROLES A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" Replied the K

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A pastor's church was getting too large for him to cover all of the duties so he had a clone made of himself. All was going well, he could be in two hospitals at once praying for the sick, attend two meetings at the same time, this was his answer for his busy life. Suddenly, the genes went crazy and the cloned preacher's personality changed. He started making passes towards women, yelling at drivers who cut him off, and making obscene gestors. This concerned the pastor so he and the cl

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Stupid Laws: NEW YORK - * It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. * The penalty for jumping off a building is death. NEW JERSEY - * You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service only. * In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a restaurant. CALIFORNIA - * It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. * Women may not drive in a house coat.

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HOW TO SING THE BLUES 1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning." 2. " I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town." 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

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