Aye, I thort ye wos refurrin' t' me Sou'Westerly... that be why I figured tha pup tent 'd be good if'n I wos t wear 'em back t' front so's they be less like me St Pauls Cathedral (no ballroom) ones I 'aves now.

If I didn't have curried cabbage for dinner last night I'd be better able to live with myself today.

if i didn't know better

i'd say you like that stuff

Actually, I do, but curried cabbage became somewhat of a joke in the 'Joe User Is Joke User' thread (which I and a few others happily pirated for our own amusement), and it stayed with me ever since.

*BTW, if your into wierd, wacky and downright nutty.... pirate talk,  'Joe User Is Joke User' is a bundle of laughs and worth a read*

If I had the crew to help keep that thread fun and viable it'd still be going strong today.

If I could fly, I would.

Me too Jim.  Damned Airlines.

If I could go back 8 years, I had the chance to learn AutoCad or PhotoShop.  I screwed up and took drafting.  Bummer!

If I......if I.......damn, if I could think this morning, I would be in better shape for work!

If I could remember where I left my wife maybe that kid would quit making prank phone call from Wal-Mart.

If I had a dollar for every time I said "if I had a dollar".... I could have bought Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac ... and now I'd be the getting bailout money so I never had to work again.

If I liked Vista, I wouldn't have converted my lappy over to XP from Vista Home Prem.

If I had time I'd buy a new watch.

If I had a watch I'd buy more time.

If I had a canoe I could be up the creek without a paddle.

If I had a paddle I'd give it to you... but I don't know how much use it'd be up Shit Creek in a barbed wire canoe with the anchor dragging bottom.

Hmmmm, me thinks there's a Murphy's Law in there somewhere.

I think that would fall under "If it can happen, it will happen" or something like that.

If I.... only had a brain

If I,.... went with the other woman, i wouldnt have an ex-wife

If only I had diagnosed it correctly, she would be alive today.

If I could change one thing in my past I wouldn't, because it would have changed my present reality.

Hehe... I went with other women... that's why I have two ex-wives.

Nah, not really...

If I didn't have two ex-wives I wouldn't have needed to find another woman...

... but I'm glad they did cos wifey No 3 is better than the both of 'em put together.

Now there's a revolting thought... both of them together... the stuff nightmares are made of.

I hear ya starkers!!! Only it is the ex-hubbies......that is a nightmare.

If I could, instead of getting married again I would just find a woman I already hated and give her a house.

Yeah, I've had one or three chasing me over the years... tho I'm not too sure some of 'em were 'ex' at the time.

Nah matey, you've got it all wrong!  You find a woman you hate who's already got her own house... half of something (of hers) is better than half of nothing (of yours).

If I had a dollar for every woman I hated, I'd maybe have enough for a packet of gum... before tax.

Aw Man!  I am so sorry.

If I could sleep, I would.