Granted. It starts 2 days before you die.

I wish that my legs weren't sore from playing paintball (seriously, sitting down/getting up is PAINFUL).

Granted, now you have no legs due to some jerk using a real fragmentation grenade instead of a paintball grenade.

I wish people weren't so paranoid and instead could appreciate jokes about weapons, explosions, Halo, etc, without reporting others as "potential terrorists" to their employers.

Granted. These people now are unable to appreciate jokes, and so look at you funny when you tell them.

I wish [insert wish here].

Granted, but [insert corruption here].

I wish that people would use flamethrowers and magnesium to clear snow off of cement walkways.

Granted. They then accidentally start setting each other on fire, leading to millions of lawsuits.

I wish that I didn't have school today.

Granted, among the items incinerated by the angry lawsuit happy flamethrower wielding people is your school. School, the building, is now primarily carbon, carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and water, and is out of operation indefinitely.

I wish the cost of a college education reflected the quality of educational materials and instruction provided.

Granted. Now everyone builds their own robots, never does anymore work, and so leads the human race into stagnation.

I wish that I had all the games I currently desire.

Granted, you'll have all the games you currently desire - only those which you currently desire.

I wish I had the foresight not to get indebted by $16,000 in loans each year.

Granted. You are now indebted by $1.6 Billion in loans each year.

I wish other people would post more wishes.

Granted, however that requires the actions of other people which is something that nobody can really do - that is unless they are a complete jerk and make threatening demands and such other Wal-Mart type practices of manipulation.

I wish Wal-Mart would go out of business within my lifetime.

Granted. It is now replaced by E-Mart, which is evil and heresy incarnate. LITERALLY.

I wish that other forum members would meander into here and post.

Granted, but we Troll you to the point of tears!!!

I wish I had all the games Whiskey got in his last wish...

-Twilight Storm 

Granted. You don't like any of them.

I wish that I had a suit of Terminator armor and weapons, as well as the ability to operate it, and get into and out of it.

Granted, the forces of Chaos corrupt you and you are purged by the Adepta Sororitas.

I wish a personal Monolith.

Granted. You now become a soulless automaton of the C'Tan to operate it.

I wish I could live as one of the main characters of my own SF universe.

Granted. However, somebody writes you out of the storyline.

I wish for no rain tomorrow.

Granted. It then snows.

I wish that I could marry and live out my life with the girl of my dreams.

granted. but then their is divorce shortly after .

i wish i could tell the girl i know that i want to be with her

That's just cruel. So in return:

Granted. She then laughs in your face, and she and her friends subsequently beat you to a bloody pulp for no reason.

I wish I could speak any language in the world.

Granted. You can speak Esperanto but all other languages are complete gibberish to you and you cannot learn them.

I wish for Bees.

granted the sting you to death though!!!!

i wish i could time travel at any time i wanted too

Granted, but you get trapped in the time-space continuum.

I wish that I could skip calculus today.

granted but then you fail  the class

i wish that i could see a rel life battleship in space

Granted but then you get killed by a falling calculus book.

I wish that I had my own *note* habitable planet.

*sigh*. I should have phrased that better.

Anyways, GRANTED. Your bees then mate with you, creating a hideous Veers-bee abomination.

Granted. You time travel back, and accidentally kill yourself, thus creating a paradox that destroys the space-time continuum.

Granted. You now have calculus scheduled for every other day in your life.

Granted. It then falls on your head, permanently crippling and blinding you.

Granted. As your colony ship makes orbit and you see it for the first time, you die of a heart attack at the wonder of its glory.

I wish that I could speak every language in the universe.