That's worth a dancin Zubaz!

I may never sleep again.

while hurring home one night this past winter it was about 10 degrees out all i could thiink about was a nice hot cup of coffee and a peice of pie but what i said to my daughter was i was going to have  a cup of pie and a peice of coffee talk about brain freeze we laughed the rest of the way home

Hehe, that reminds me of the newly inducted Royal Canadian Mounted Police recruit.

He was told he had to first drink a quart of whiskey, then go out and wrestle a bear, then make love to an Indian squaw.  After drinking his whiskey he takes off to complete the initiation.

About 4 hours later he returns with his clothes shredded to pieces and covered fron head to toe in scratches and bite marks: "Now where's that Indian squaw I gotta wrestle?"

OK...If Zubaz, R.N. doesn't make you laugh....I give up!

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.


Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all 
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. 

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn.. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
Pass this on to all your friends, just in case they're having a bad day!!!

How many times do we have to tell skinhit to stick to gerbils?

 Poor Jack. Shame on you, Smedley! How can you brutalize him in such accusatory and judgmental tones. After all, he's such a good person and friend.

*doc thinks it's because he's allergic to fur. 

"What you mean 'we' Kimosabeh?" 

I think the hamsters would argue that.

Habitrails to you.............Gerbil training camp.

Looks like the munkeh's advanced training facility. Where'z da bananaz?

Got this in an email......

I don't know if this just a terrible coincidence, or if I'm getting too paranoid in my old age.  but it makes one wonder.....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing horses.

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs/humans around the globe.

It gets worse........

Next year......

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Shmeg-flu hits male actors in porn industry.  Hard times are ahead as the sale of straight porn goes limp. Competition between studois becomes stiff to meet the demand. Nudes at 11.

Hmmm....let's see....Viagra becomes #1 trading commodity?

Guess where the flu shot has to go????

*insert 'little prick' joke here

What a bastard.... 2010 and EDfluenza came 10 years early for me.

 We who have taught, or love children who have been taught, know this is funny!  


From the diary of a Pre-School Teacher

My five-year old students are learning to read.

Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.

After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."

"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."

As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."

Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin', too." Tough crowd, Sam thinks to himself. "Well, I get along with people. Don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again, Enoch turns from the door, "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too." "Now that is not a problem," Sam says. "I've been up here all alone for six long months. I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

Enoch stops in the doorway one last time and says... "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the 2 of us there."

rofl....

ok i dunno how i missed this thread til now. now i just need to mark it so i can find it again later and sift through it.

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You read this entire list looking desperately for one

I'm feeling 'randy' and I can't post these in their respective  threads because it would just be wrong.

Thread titles :

Choking

Heimliching!

Unable to rate

and you never will!

Stop hitting on super models, you're aiming to high!

No rating IS a rating!

My Darker Side

I can't see anythi...OH MY GOOOOOD!

Can't Find Grassy Field

It isn't always greener on the other side!

Finish The Sentence

If you don't know what you were going to say, what makes you think I do?

One of Object Dock Plus's Many Uses

Herding cats. Yes...it's true. Ask Jafo...ooops, you missed that question didn't you.

He inserted some of his old code into OD+ in order to gain control over members here at WC:

(sorry....won't embed) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8