How Pumpkin Pie Is Made

Redneck Logic

Change that to 'South Carolina' and welcome to my hell.

Subject: Obama health care
>
> The American
> Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health
> care proposals.  The Allergists voted to scratch
> it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash
> moves.  The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling
> about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration
> had a lot of nerve.The Obstetricians felt they
> were all laboring under a misconception.  Ophthalmologists
> considered the idea shortsighted.  Pathologists yelled,
> "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said,
> "Oh, Grow up!"The Psychiatrists thought
> the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see
> right through it.  Surgeons decided to wash their hands of
> the whole thing.  The Internists thought it was a bitter
> pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This
> puts a whole new face on the
> matter...."The Podiatrists thought it was a
> step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the
> whole idea.  The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea
> was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart
> to say no.In the end, the Proctologists won
> out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in
> Washington.

Children Are Quick
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TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find  North America  .
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered   America ?
CLASS:         Maria.
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TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables..
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TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  

(I  Love this child)
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TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
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TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
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TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  
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TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
MILLIE:           I  is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:          All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'    
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TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  
                    Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had the axe in his hand....    
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TEACHER:    Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
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TEACHER:       Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :         No, sir. It's the same dog.  
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TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher