I'll feed you rodents. 

I'll slap your buttocks [gently with a wet tram ticket]

I'll turn the other cheek.

I'll caress your other one

I'll set you free.

I'll pee in your garden if you don't hurry and open the door so's I can use the lav.

Ill be waiting in your loo for such a time as the door opens.

I'll be standing on the side with a vid cam for Funniest Home Videos for your debut and chance to win $10,000.00.

I'll direct your movie seeing as I can't act

I'll contact Brad and Angelina for the lead roles. 

I'll email your inbox with some saucy script ideas.

I'll send you the address when you get something.  I'm waiting for B&A's response.  

Do you think they're good enuf?

I'll spare your existence if you give me chocolate.

I'll exterminate your existence for nothing.

I'll come back in your world and haunt your couch.

I'll hire a priest for an exorcism and till then I'll put my couch in the veranda.  

NOOOOOOOOOOO!   How could you do such a thing!  Think of all the things that couch has done with you!  

I'll haunt your couch myself and scream constantly to keep you awake at night.

Sometimes these things just have to be done.

If I can't haunt your couch because of serpentine infestation then can I haunt your purse. Just long enough to abscond with your pennies. 

I'll not give you a penny for your thoughts. That abscond sounds good though. With butter please. 

I'll pick your nose.... yup, I'd recognise it in any lineup.

I'll lock it up in a bank vault. Cuz bankers are the best people. Fart in a bank lately?

And what's wrong with my nose?

I'll say this about your nose. It has holes in it.

I'll say your right about that. All the better to sniff out stuff.    

I'll bend your bananas.... well we don't want straight, untraditional ones.

Nuffink... cute as a button, in fact.

I'll conquer your banana plantation.