Driving myself Insane.

Really short trip btw

from JoeUser Forums
As I sit here wondering why I am still here {alive} thoughts go rocketing through my head at the speed of, well thought.

I have one of those "dates with destiny" the 11th, In just two days I will find out if I at least get a chance to do some more of this life {new drug therapy} or if I am sentenced to ...... well you draw a conclusion.

I wonder if I am worthy of a chance at life sometimes, wonder why I lived as my teammates died long ago.

So many profound thoughts and so few answers, {no answers really}.;

I find myself seeking peace more and more these days, and calm acceptence of my situation. {not suceeding}

I find anger comming to my life more frequently and with the power it used to have when I was a younger much more rage filled man.

That's it my thought well has run dry for today.

Peace to all,

elie
9,591 views 27 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top

ModMan:

If I could, I'd be happy to give you a piece of my liver so you could be well again.  I think that you're worthy, that you're very worthy, and I'm not surprised that you're angry.  You have a wonderful wife and a lot left to live for, so your rage at having to consider leaving all that is very much a natural thing. 

I'll be having good thoughts for you on Wednesday,

'Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light'

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
'Do not go gentle into that good nightRage, rage against the dying of the light'


dylan thomas. and thank you
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I am a pretty avid reader of your blog and I had no idea you weren't well! I must have missed that somewhere along the lines. What exactly is wrong? Whatever it is the damn dr's better fix it because we'd miss you too much!!
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Reply By: alison watkinsPosted: Monday, May 09, 2005I am a pretty avid reader of your blog and I had no idea you weren't well! I must have missed that somewhere along the lines. What exactly is wrong? Whatever it is the damn dr's better fix it because we'd miss you too much!!


an active Hep c virus {see no matter what you think you do pay for past misdeeds}
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

peace and Prayers for the best outcome.

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Reply By: Dr. GuyPosted: Monday, May 09, 2005peace and Prayers for the best outcome.


if there is anything I have learned about joeuser, it's that both docs are at my side and in my corner.

thank you
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Peace and Prayers again. Miler will be along, but wanted me to send them to you from him as well!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm hoping you get the good news you deserve.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
#7 by Dr. Guy
Monday, May 09, 2005


Peace and Prayers again. Miler will be along, but wanted me to send them to you from him as well!

thanx doc. and thank doc.
#8 by MasonM
Monday, May 09, 2005


I'm hoping you get the good news you deserve


the funny thing is if I hit the jackpot all I get is another round of interferon and one year of hell, with no gaurentees of sucess. such is life, but I thank you for well wishes.

Insanoman
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Elie, you know there are no answers I can give you about why you are still here while others are not, believe me I have that same question, but I do know this you are so worthy to be here. You are a courageous man and you are strong! I will be with you Wednesday in spirit. Look above you in the corner I will be there, whispering in you ear "NOW NOW NOW"
I know you are not thinking beyond Wednesday, but 17 more days and we get to hug each other again. Hold onto that thought ok?

Love and Light, Michele
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you sent an apology out to me earlier today, so I just want to send one back.

I didn't know things were that bad, and if I've added to your stress in any way I apologize.

Get well. My thoughts are with you.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
11 by Philomedy
Monday, May 09, 2005


My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you sent an apology out to me earlier today, so I just want to send one back.

I didn't know things were that bad, and if I've added to your stress in any way I apologize.

Get well. My thoughts are with you.


thanx philo, nothing better than two people that "get to eachother" than to have a common understanding that both are in essense "very human"
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
#10 by Gimpyone
Monday, May 09, 2005


Love and Light, Michele


you are some of my light michele, for no better reason than you accept me "as is"
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
#14 by Manopeace
Monday, May 09, 2005


You BETTER get well!! I won't take NO as an answer!


thanx but as my honey says "mabe God has a need for an ex-thug" in heaven , only time will tell mano. but thank you for the thoughts behind the words.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think you might find some comfort in the stories from this old soul. Corrie Ten Boom.
I will pray to Jesus about all you pain. I am sorry I did not know this sooner. So often all we do is argue about meaningless stuff, and are not aware of each others lives outside of the forums. You are on my heart.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
16 by aeryck
Monday, May 09, 2005


think you might find some comfort in the stories from this old soul. Corrie Ten Boom.
I will pray to Jesus about all you pain. I am sorry I did not know this sooner. So often all we do is argue about meaningless stuff, and are not aware of each others lives outside of the forums. You are on my heart.


thanx aeryck.. any good thoughts are good enough for me.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
didn't know things were that bad, and if I've added to your stress in any way I apologiz


I apologize too if I've added any stress with things I've
said.
Know I understand why you said to "just cope"
It's because you do it so very well.
God Bless You and Keep You, and get well too.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Reply By: TrudygolightlyPosted: Monday, May 09, 2005didn't know things were that bad, and if I've added to your stress in any way I apologizI apologize too if I've added any stress with things I've said.Know I understand why you said to "just cope" It's because you do it so very well.God Bless You and Keep You, and get well too.


thank you and nope cannot remember any stress from you.. ....smile>>
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Things will look up soon
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Reply By: Iconoclast™Posted: Monday, May 09, 2005Things will look up soon


sweet , i saw this , this morning and got a little rush of smiles from it, thank you.
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
Elie, I wrote a poem for you...I hope you don't mind...can I have your permission to post it?


Elie
When you feel closed in
Find a quiet place to pray
When you’re pushed beyond your limits
Listen to your heart
I pray that you feel uplifted
That you feel encouraged
I believe that God changes people
And changes everything
I pray that you win this battle
I don’t know you
But I do
I feel your spirit shining through
It is a good spirit
That draws others to you
I know you are
Hopeful, dreaming of the day
That everything will be the way it should be
Trust
That the spirit Divine knows
You are exactly where you ought to be
never forget
That you are a child of god
Know that this moment
Is the one you know for sure
Do not ignore the possibilities
Take deep breaths
And know that you are blessed

I hope you feel better.
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
Reply By: foreverserenityPosted: Tuesday, May 10, 2005Elie, I wrote a poem for you...I hope you don't mind...can I have your permission to post it?ElieWhen you feel closed in Find a quiet place to prayWhen you’re pushed beyond your limits Listen to your heartI pray that you feel upliftedThat you feel encouragedI believe that God changes people And changes everythingI pray that you win this battleI don’t know you But I doI feel your spirit shining throughIt is a good spiritThat draws others to youI know you areHopeful, dreaming of the dayThat everything will be the way it should beTrustThat the spirit Divine knowsYou are exactly where you ought to benever forgetThat you are a child of godKnow that this momentIs the one you know for sureDo not ignore the possibilitiesTake deep breathsAnd know that you are blessed I hope you feel better.


yes of course post it, and a huge thank you for writing this with me in mind.

elie
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm sorry to hear about your illness. I've seen what it can do to people. I hope things turn out as well as they can. But know that you are loved and will be missed if anything happens to you. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well, Mod. How did it turn out? {If you want to say that is.}