Call Guinness instead. Sounds like a record breaker.

Would Guinness publish a record like that?

I tried to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the person who could pee the farthest.

Trouble was, part way into my attempt the stream broke momentarily, a couple of drops his the ground before the finish line and they disqualified me for not maintaining one constant and continuous stream.  Bastards.  I blamed the wind because there was a gale blowing right across the arena,  but they still wouldn't record my feat of 27 feet 11 inches and wouldn't wait around while I drank a carton of beer so I could try again.

Next time bring your hat along, the one with the twin kegs on either side. This way there's no mistaking your intent wind or no wind.

Bugger the hat.... next time I'll have a direct pipeline to the brewery and a fermenter full of shandy.

Nice!

It's like the brewery official who had to inform a woman she had become a widow... that her husband had fallen in a vat of beer and drowned.

"Do you think he suffered?" she asked.

""No, I don't think so," responded the brewery official: "he got out 3 times to pee."

That's not as bad as the Scots distillery worker who fell in a vat of whiskey and drowned, however....

Not only did he get out 7 times to pee... when they cremated him it took 4 days and 6 fire trucks to put out the blaze.

Which lends credence to the need for all who imbibe to excess be required to hang a 'Caution: Flammable and inebriated' sign around their necks.

In fact, if you were to hang a rag from the mouth of an inebriated person and lit it, would he/she become a human Molotov Cocktail?

Either that or someone with a severe case of halitosis?

Yup, that'd do it every time.

So what do you give a politician with halitosis, apart from duct tape and a mint?