Istari Istari

Ridiculous Requests for Upcoming Patches

Ridiculous Requests for Upcoming Patches

Long day at work, groggy and loopy, disclaimer finished.

[EDIT] -Bear Cavalry

-Add a game feature or quest that changes the box art to reflect the game.

-Players should get to use two Sovereigns if they received a double shipment of the game by mistake.

-Put in a 'Ye Olde Mechanic' unit that can alter game mechanics from within the game, then take a long holiday.

-Create a quest where you have to find a male frog and try to misinterpret his dialogue and read too much into it.

-Add in a cheat where if you type 'Old man, you seek the Spell of Mastery.', Elemental exits and launches MoM in DOSBox.

-Make it so that all Sovereigns share the same mana pool, and have to play 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' to decide who gets to regenerate each turn.

-Watchtowers should manufacture watches.

-Fishing as a food resource where the fish provide food returns based on the patented 'Juicy Sweetness' rating system by Smeagol.

-Players should have the ability to Give Karma k1 to other Sovereigns through the Diplomacy screens.

-Milk should be listed as a sub-resource to Food, and needs to be watched constantly on a per-city, per-turn basis to check if it has gone bad. The Sovereign has to be in the city to personally inspect the Milk stores.

-Elemental should be free to all those who purchased Elemental before playing v1.1 after buying expansion 1.B if they didn't purchase Elemental before playing expansion 1.A.

-Admiral Ozzel should be punished for coming out of hyperspace too close to the Hoth system.

-In campaign mode, a *Spoiler Warning* should pop-up before any reveals or story progression.

-New terrain type - 'Carpet'.

-Terrain tiles should light up when the Sovereign walks on them, just like Michael Jackson in the Billie Jean video clip. The Sovereigns should also be singing Billie Jean as they walk.

-Units positioned in front of Archers should be subject to friendly fire. There should also be a percentage chance that a fight starts up as a result.

-Units trapped between enemy influence zones should be able to spend one turn maneuvering as though they were trying to get past laser security sensors.

-In tactical combat, Attack, Damage, and Defense should be combined into a single statistic and rolled with a 2 sided dice. A roll of '1' results in auto-fail, whereas conversely, a roll of '2' results in manual-fail. This is due to the real world problem associated with a 2 sided dice.

-Add in a nuclear spell that causes other Sovereigns to get nervous. The Sovereign researching or casting the nuclear spell can cleverly and diplomatically disguise it as just an 'Update Schedule' to avoid a backlash.

-Female Sovereigns should be able to research the 'Spell of Faking' for the win.

-The Master Quest should be to cause the game to crash and report the error.

-A message from The Bishop: "I foretold of your folly. These lands rightfully belong to the Church. And I will have them!".

-All your modding tools are belong to us!

-Redefine 'Multiplayer' to include AI opponents.

-Bastion should say my name.

-Organized Teleport. Units teleport at the same speed as the Sovereign, even if the Sovereign has Hyperwarp and those units only have Ion Drive.

-A mana pool should be something a Sovereign uses to drive other people's kids to school in.

-The casting cost of spells should be measured in Flower Petals.

-New Weakness Trait - 'Unhelpful Complainer'. Resource accumulation is slowed and morale suffers as the Unhelpful Complainer whips their soldiers during combat in an effort to explain to them that they mustn't die. -50.

-For added realism and immersion, the Sovereign should spend 2 out of 3 turns sleeping.

 

...... Feel free to add more. I'm about to drop off where I sit.

 

**[Updated]**


-Speech bubbles for NPCs with Tourettes Syndrome.


-Add in NPCs who have Tourettes Syndrome.


-New Equipment Slot - 'Hair clip'.


-Currency exchange system between Kingdom and Empire factions.


-Offspring should have a 9pm curfew.


-New Spell - 'Differentiate Spell'. This spell acts as an addon to existing spells and adds a random effect in addition to the standard effect of the spell. 'Differentiate Spell' can be be used to target 'Differentiate Spell'.


-We need a quest that allows our Sovereigns to know what magic is.


-New Spell - 'Mirror Image'. 1dN illusory images of target unit are created on adjacent tiles in tactical battle. The appearance of these images varies in accordance with the different types of funhouse mirrors. There is a 67.32% chance that the images become frightened of one another and disappear.


-Special fencing needs to be erected to prevent younger offspring from drowning in the Global Mana Pool.


-The image translators should work for the construct program, so the whole game will be displayed as scrolling XML code.


-New Spell - 'Returnification'. This spell attempts to return your troops to the nearest city, but ultimately fails.


-AI opponents should have a Chess mini-game to play while they wait for the Human player to 'End Turn'.


-New Quest - 'The Quest to end all Quests'. Makes it so that there are no more quests in the game.


-The Conquest Victory option should be described on the box or in the manual as such: 'To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.'


-New Unit - 'The Mouthguard of Sauron'. He just really needed to have something cover those teeth.


-Bring back Firefly.


-New Plane - 'Arc anus'. (Too cheap?)


-New Unit - 'Stupid fat hobbit'.


-Greedo was secretly in love with Han Solo, and couldn't bring himself to hurt him.


-New City Enchantment - 'Levitating City'. The enchanted city rises 10cm off the ground. This spell incurs a once-off materials cost, as a single step needs to be placed before every outer door of every building to avoid lawsuits from people tripping over to get inside.


-New Weakness Trait - 'Gibson's Disease'. Your Sovereign develops a tendency to randomly spout racism and beat their spouses. You receive a penalty to diplomacy, fewer offspring, and the ability to know what women want. -30.


-Magic Stamps. Rather than being imbued, champions line up at the Magical Welfare office once every 7 turns to receive allocated 'Magic Stamps' from the Sovereign. The stamps will be fluorescent pink.


-To make tactical combat more interesting, have some random units begin combat within enemy ranks, but facing their own side. It should take 1dN combat turns for them to figure out their mistake, until which they will fight for the enemy.


-Sovereigns should communicate through two cups tied to a long piece of string.


-New Race - 'Vegetarian Cannibals'. They're not vegan though, so they can still eat dairy made from their women's breast milk. (Too gross?)

875,709 views 276 replies
Reply #151 Top

- New DDR Challenge Mode - At the beginning of combat, any champion can challenge an opposing champion to a DDR dance off. The loser sits out of the combat overwhelmed by the levels of pwnage.

All honestly an ability for a champion to challenge other champions might be cool if implemented properly. 

I'd want a great "wizard duel"  like the one between Avatar and Blackwolf in Wizards.

Reply #152 Top

Change the game so that my strategy wins.

Reply #153 Top

Quoting kenata, reply 150
- New DDR Challenge Mode - At the beginning of combat, any champion can challenge an opposing champion to a DDR dance off. The loser sits out of the combat overwhelmed by the levels of pwnage.

 

YEAH, a new utility for Dex :)

Reply #154 Top

Quoting Gazz "What's the purpose of this maneuver? I'll admit that I'm no football fan but it doesn't look familiar."

This may be the result of Korean-Asian influence in the game. Fusion of Shaolin Kung-fu and football.

" .. The Koreans played Tae-Kwon-do, not football, against us." - Maradona

Also, for the benefit of US citizens, when we say "football", we mean "soccer"

" .. I always wanted to visit the country where they played football with the hands." - Maradona

Reply #155 Top

I want it all. I want the Big Burger, with the Big Fries with the Gravy and the Cheese and the Big Cola on the side. I want the Big slice of Pie that comes with it. And deck of Alpha Magic cards.Yeah. Make it So.

 

Reply #156 Top

Quoting gsitetfs, reply 154
Also, for the benefit of US citizens, when we say "football", we mean "soccer"

Err, no, we don't. We prefer to confuse the hell outta them.

What the US citizens call football should be renamed to The Other Handball because there is an original handball already.

 

Hmm. Games. Why are there no games in WOM? People always play games. There could be a MUDS league.
(Hah! Ya never thought I'd make this an on topic post, did ya?)

Reply #157 Top

-New spell: The cake is a lie (Death spell book): Allow you to conduct experiement on your subject ... err citizen by telling them you will give them a cake. By the end of the experiment, if they survive, they discover that there is no cake but a pie insteed. Give you a bonus for arcane or tech research.

Reply #158 Top

I would like to have a new spell added to the game:

The Black Knight: This spell summons the dark defender of the realm. He will spend most of his time hunting down monsters and gaining experience and gold for the sovereign, just another mild mannered hero adventurer trying to make a name for himself. Invaders beware though, for when  the sovereigns cities are threatened the Dark Avenger will teleport to the endangered villa where he will ....

gah my wife is here... wife > funny email.... ah well back to the painting gotta finish moving out of my apartment, we hot a new home now.

Reply #159 Top

A new spell that inflicts an ailment called 'Carpet Tunnel Syndrome'. The unit finds it difficult to move around and grip their weapon properly because their arms and legs are wrapped up in rolls of carpet.

Reply #160 Top

Quoting landisaurus, reply 141
Why is "bear cavalry" not listed in the OP for a top ridiculous request!?   I remember seeing a request for "gators" around here somewhere too.  (I assume they mean the reptile rather than a slang term for somebody who goes to gate parties)
Are you suggesting that bear calvary is.. silly?!

:(O

Et tu, Landi? :pout:

Reply #161 Top

Are you suggesting that bear calvary is.. silly?!

There is actually a mod that allows for this. Expanded Mounts by HeavenFall actually put in bear mounts.

 

Though what we really need is random alien invasions.

Reply #162 Top

Bear cavalry?

 

Rhino cavalry

Reply #163 Top

Ok, since the 1.1 mania and invading thread seems to cool off, how about a new request:

 

-New spell: Kant spel hear. This spell can't allow any spelling, including grammar and synthax. The targeted city can't receive spell, dont produce many AND have some difficulty with their treaty and tax report.In term of gameplay, this city is now retarded and only produce 34.57% of it total production, including tax/material/iron. This spell allow however the comprehension of the text message.

Reply #164 Top

1.1


-new map; X-mass world

  - with new politically incorrect religious factions.

    - new spell, summon santa to bomb enemy cities with "gifts"

      - new op unit; Reindeer Reavers

Reply #165 Top

-Spoilt sandwiches or strawberries.

-Ear trumpets.

-Gerbil Accountants.

-Vanishing cats.

-Chess Board Terrain.

-Talking Oysters.

-Homicidal Matriarchs.

Reply #166 Top

I want a lollipop to crush my enemies with.

 

I also want man eating treasure chests.

 

magic node trap door spiders.

 

 

Reply #167 Top

Quoting Glowing_Ember, reply 166
magic node trap door spiders.

Stay away from that trap door!

Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions, where nobody goes, stands an ancient castle. Deep within this dank and uninviting place, lives Berk (Allo!), overworked servant of "the thing upstairs" (Berk! Feed Me!) But that's nothing compared to the horrors that lurk beneath the trap door, for there is always something down there, in the dark, waiting to come out...
Don't you open that trapdoor, You're a fool if you dare.... Stay away from that trapdoor, 'Cos there's something down there....
Creepy, crawly, slimy things, that stick on to your skin... Horrid beasts with tentacles, that want to pull you in... Squirmy worms, slugs and snails, that lie there in a goo... They'll wait down there forever, 'till they get their hands on you... Stay away from that trapdoor, 'Cos there's something down there....

Reply #168 Top

Quoting Istari, reply 167

Quoting Glowing_Ember, reply 166magic node trap door spiders.
Stay away from that trap door!


Creepy, crawly, slimy things, that stick on to your skin... Horrid beasts with tentacles, that want to pull you in... Squirmy worms, slugs and snails, that lie there in a goo... They'll wait down there forever, 'till they get their hands on you... Stay away from that trapdoor, 'Cos there's something down there....

 

Well, if a japanese read this, it would certainly finish with a rule 34 :).

Reply #169 Top

-New feature: Tactical battle, instead of resolving thing with armies, sovereing now throw bomb at each other.

Reply #170 Top

"-Bring back Firefly."    yes !

Reply #171 Top

Hmmm after alot of thought here are a few more ideas:

- New Spell: Elementium Addiction. Target unit is now addicted to Elementium and proceeds to break into your buildings looking for his next fix.

- New Spell: Summon Piper. Targets a city and all the children in the city are wisked away by a magical piper for some unknown, yet nefarious purpose.

- New Weapon: Yo-Yo. I want an entire army of Ness from Earth Bound

- New Unit: Beggar. Can be sent into a town to slowly drain out its wealth.

- New Improvement: Temple of Doom. Invading armies must resist getting their hearts ripped out of their chests before they can attack

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Reply #172 Top

-A nutmeg coloured crochet trumpet-sock.

-Have unit groups stack by standing on each others shoulders, one on top of the other, rather than in formation on the ground.

-Caramel cheese.

-New City Defense Tech: Impenetrable Pillow Fort.

-Cabbage water.

-New Spell: Waking the dead. Sets off a mystical alarm clock that wakes up all the units that ever died in the game. The undead units then hit the mystical snooze button and go back to death.

Reply #173 Top

- New Formation: Flying V. Allows player to instantly score a goal and have a heart warming moment of self discovery.

Reply #174 Top

Quoting kenata, reply 173
- New Formation: Flying V. Allows player to instantly score a goal and have a heart warming moment of self discovery.

May God have mercy on your soul. It was explicitly stated that this was never to be mentioned, alluded to, hinted at, tangentially referenced, acknowledged, or allowed to occupy thought-space. You have set in motion a chain of events that could bring about the destruction of my sleeping patterns. As a result of this post, I have third degree burns, my urine has now turned blue and I can no longer eat dairy. I hate you.

Reply #175 Top

Quoting Istari, reply 174

Quoting kenata, reply 173- New Formation: Flying V. Allows player to instantly score a goal and have a heart warming moment of self discovery.
May God have mercy on your soul. It was explicitly stated that this was never to be mentioned, alluded to, hinted at, tangentially referenced, acknowledged, or allowed to occupy thought-space. You have set in motion a chain of events that could bring about the destruction of my sleeping patterns. As a result of this post, I have third degree burns, my urine has now turned blue and I can no longer eat dairy. I hate you.

 

Amen!