That's your weapon for the upcoming zombie apocalypse
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Well it seems my weapon of choice is a glass thermometer - Looks like I'm not going to last long.....
What's your "weapon of choice" (item currently to your left)? 
Mine is a twenty ounce bottle of A&W cream soda. 
My favorite drink. Not much of a weapon, but if a zombie reaches for it, I'll rip his arm off and beat him with it.
a toy monkey. Maybe I can shove it somewhere.
Just shake the bottle up Wiz and blow its head off 
I could snap them with a rubberband, or tie them up with a 6 inch piece of purple ribbon, or poke them with a toothpick.....otherwise, I will have to slather them with chapstick.
A desk fan... which I could use to blow something ominous in the general direction of any zombies in the vicinity.
Well I guess that depends what flavor it is.....
A 24" monitor. I guess you could use it to smack its head off.....
that will deafen them make sure you turn the volume up as far is it can go , but keep in mind that you could blow your speakers 
hmmm I have some sharp objects I guess I could stab them 
A 12oz. cup of Starbucks Pike Place. I could jitter him to death.
I got a stapler to my left now.... maybe I could staple the zombie's pecker to the desk... then I could just walk away rather than run like hell.
It'll only break off and you'll be left with a pecker stapled to your desk as a trophy.
Hmmm, didn't think of that! OK, then, I'll use the stapler to fire staples into its eyes while I run like hell.
I have several items to my left... a gumball machine, a lightsaber, a fold-up dinner tray, a printer, a large rock painted orange, a 16 pound cat (which may or may not be dead or sleeping), and last but not least a Nerf basketball. I think I'm ready for the zombies...
WHAT 
Hey, IROKONESS, if you're having trouble hearing, maybe you could turn down the speaker volume.
To my left right now I have a bowl of icecream, with crushed choc/nut cookies and a splash of maple syrup. By my figuring, the zombie had better be shit scared of me if it thinks its getting any. It'd only have to look at it and I'm liable to jump up, rip its arms off and stuff 'em down its throat.
Hmmm, that should oughta fix any hunger pangs it may have. 
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