Get Well Po'!

I hope that it's true that you are finally pain free. The best of luck to you.

A music related joke for Po':

One night, a wife is up late waiting for her husband to come home. ''Where have you been?'' she asks him when he walks in the door.
''Oh honey, you wouldn't believe it. I went to this new bar called the Golden Bar. It had gold ashtrays, gold stools, gold cups, and even gold toilets,'' replies her husband, who is plainly drunk. The wife thinks once about it but then goes to bed.
The next day she finds the Golden Bar's phone number and calls it up. ''Hello, is this the Golden Bar?'' she asks.
''Yes, this is, ma'am,'' replies the man on the other line.
''Yes, my husband told me about your bar and I was wondering if you would answer some questions. One, do you have golden ashtrays?''
''Yes.''
''Do you have golden stools?''
''Yes.''
''Do you have golden cups?''
''Yes.''
''Do you have golden toilets?''
There is a pause on the phone, then a couple seconds later she hears the man speak. ''Hey Jimmy,'' he calls into the bar, ''I think we found out who shit in your tuba!

I hope you're feeling better, y'all take care now, ya hear.

get better soon po

It was a 24 hour thing...they dosed me with an IV of Demerol and phinegan at the ER.  I'm back on the regular meds and basically stoned right now. I thought percaset was the wonder drug. Demerol actually had me pain free. But I do not..uh...I'm not quite...right...on demerol.

Which brings me to ...It's NOT fair to bait me when I am under the influence , Doc! Geesh. My wife is still telling everyone about the 'pig-boy' impressions I did before they took me in for surgery.  I don't need to be goaded into saying anything here that will get me in trouble. Aren't there laws about taking advantage of someone under the influence of heavy narcotics or something.

I'm gonna go back to Photoshop. Everything is coming out like crap but actually looks cool with the drugs in my head.

Fair? HAHAHAHA !!!!

Best joke yet!

Hope your ailments cease and that you feel better Po' All the best of luck to ya...

Have a pain free evening and hope your feeling better soon.

hope you're back in training soon.... 

Actually, that's the best I have looked in years. Especially the legs.

Feel better and South Carolina ain't so bad, I lived there for a few years!

And you look so, um... gay... almost jovial, even.

And what about those feet??  A bit East West me thinks. Oh well, I suppose it's better than being pigeon-toed.

I went out with a girl years ago... she was so pigeon-toed I expected her to "coo... coo... coo" every time I visited the nest.  She ended up dumping me for a buzzard with a big car, tho.  I told her it was purely compensation for his lacking in another area.. and when she found that was true, she reassessed her 'orientatation', took up with a 'dove' and looked into artificial insemination.  I hear she has a brood of kids these days and all of 'em sing like stool-pigeons. 

I digress, however and do hope that you're feeling much better than you have of late... there's nothing worse than living with constant pain.  I can sympasthise only too well because I'm going through a bastard of a time with arthritis, neck and spinal issues at the moment...  a constant (24/7) headache and sleep deprivation... 16 - 18 hours sleep a week if I'm lucky.  Some decent pain relief would be nice... but they don't want me to get "dependent or addicted".... and surgery is an absolute last resort due to the delicate nature of the spine.  In other words: "You have no money or any medical insurance, so sod off and put up with it."

Ya know, the misery of constant pain is like finding out during your honeymoon that marriage comes with a live-in mother-in-law who thinks you're 3 levels worse than a misogynistic neanderthal with BO and halitosis.  Fortunately, that scenario usually only happens to those who really deserve it - like, for example, Laura Bush's mother moving into the White house when GWB was side-stepping 'deposits' in the Oval Office - and people who have their own padded cell (with strait jacket) in the basement. 

My previous residence had a padded cell in the basement, with synthetic fur-lined strait jacket... but it was wasted. Yeah, my gaseous reputation preceded me and the mother-in-law moved interstate prior to the wedding.... some excuse about being needed to to some missionary work.  Hehe, I know what sort of 'missionary' she was up to... and that multi-million dollar TV evangelist hasn't looked back since.    Yup, rather him than me.  I could never keep up with her Sarah Palin appetite for expensive wardrobes.

Anyhow I digress... yet again.  With regard to the 'snorty' sounds while on the rack, get a nasal enema next time.  It's a bit like the crap evacuation in preparation for a colonoscopy... you clear out all the mucous (snot in laymans terms) to prevent nasal passage narrowing which cause those rather embarrassing Master Piggy impressions.  Oh yeah, and a surgeon once told me that many.. er, most people have flatulence escape while on the table, so you might wanna consider a cork, also... tho you might wanna attach it to a short piece of string tied to your belt if curried cabbage has been consumed any time in the last 96 hours.  You don't wanna shoot the surgeon trying to help you, right!

Unfortunately... NO!  You are subject to the same mockery, practical jokes and abuses from Doc as the rest of us.  In fact, it was he who sent me a CD with the pig-boy sound effects for my amusement... tho had I known of their origin prior to playing them on talk-back radio, I wouldn't have.  There are some who would recognise your voice from earlier recordings, and I'm sorry that I've exposed your previously unheard/unknown porcine vocabulary to the masses. I mean, I'm quite sure you don't want to be considered for Miss Piggy's new love interest in the Muppet Movie remake... right??

Uh-oh, my keepers have read this over my shoulder, decided that I've lost the plot... again, and require my strait jacket to be fitted.  See ya's

Car, huh.... mmm hmm.

Good for his soul, I say.

Fantastic... this insanity is wearing a bit thin with me now.

Does it come in pill form, capsules or an elixir?

The reason I ask is that I have trouble swallowing tablets... they make me gag.

So if it's tablet form I'll just have to stay insane.

Oh, and the elixir HAS to be alcohol free.  Took a cough medicine with an alcohol base once, and woke up with a massive hangover.

Capsules are OK, though... providing the casing isn't a petroleum based plastic.  That causes constipation... which aggravates my haemhorroids.

How about intravenously?   I'm not scared of needles... except knitting needles in the hands of mother-in-laws.  Got a phobia about that.

Aw fuck it... I'll remain mad.

Always hope that whatever hospital you end up in doesn't have a Dr House....

Every ep.....the patients are 'mildly/curiously ill'....but by the end of it they will have been dead 3 times....lost a marriage/sibling/argument/sanity...and oozed/bled/excreted from any orifice [or not] and been the butt of jokes/derision [or executed by Dr [Aussie] Death]...;)

A vain hope, dear Jafo...anywhere Smedley is....he is:

Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery

1. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
2. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
5. ...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
6. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
7. Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint.  However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
8. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Yep and I have proof of it too.... Get well Soon Po

I'm curiously ill... that's how they come up with a new plot for each episode. 

The writers fax my MD weekly for updates... as I become more peculiar with yet another inexplicable malady.

The intricacies of the mind, eh.

No knocking 'House' in my thread!

Doc called today..he is gonna get me a referal to USC neurological department.

In the past 5 years I have been CT scanned, MRI'd (is that a word?), mylogrammed (eh) from head to toe (I should be glowing), and had enough blood removed to make 6 more Twilight movies (I have tracks, folks. I actually have needle tracks and scars) and NOW...NOW I get to be a guinea pig for the university. HA!

Think about this...me....ME...on drugs..in pain (Years of it)...and a room full of student doctors...who are going to run tests on me and all kinds of doctor stuff.....How many times will I have to explain 'But I wouldn't be depressed if I weren't in so much fucking pain, Doctor Marcus-fucking-Welby!"

I'm willing to split the money with anyone who wants to film this train wreck for YouTube.

I got shot down three times. I was gonna just start interviewing mooks like you, but some redneck beat me to it.

Don't forget to ask the cute one to test You for Erectile dysfunction.......it probably won't help with the pain....but, it's worth a try!

I hope things get better for you Po

Your hearing has gone the way of your kidney stones, it appears. I'm Doc and the only place where I'd refer you is here:

You know....where the Michiganers (sp?) nest....as in "One Flew Low Over...."

My dream. If only thats all it took was a quack referal. lol.

And another one makes the wifes List.

If that's hands on testing... I'll sign up for it.  She mightn't find a great deal of life come the end... but I think it's more about the journey than the destination.

Now I'm going to before I get myself into any more with tha

Speaking of erectile dysfunction, it reminds me of the bloke who lost his endowment in an industrial accident.  The treating surgeon told him that transplant technology had come a long way and he could be restored almost back to normal if a few of his relatives could donate an inch or so.  With this news the bloke asks a dozen or so relatives to donate an inch and they do.

The surgery is a success and the bloke is released from hospital, with a follow up appointment in a fortnight to see how things are going.  During the follow up the doc asks if he has any trouble peeing:

"Nope, this new wanger pees like a brewer's horse."

Next thing the doc asks him about the sex, and if he has any complaints:

"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that!  Why the fuck did you put grandpa's bit in the middle?"

Which reminds me:

Similar sort of thing.... bloke is skinny dipping with his girlfriend when a turtle comes up, takes a chomp and swims away with his tockley.  With no hope of reattachment the surgeon suggests a revolutionary technique... and circus elephant has died and a piece of its trunk would be sewn in place of the missing tockley.

The bloke agrees and the surgery goes ahead.  It is a success and he is told to go home, but to come back in a month for a post-op checkup.

During the checkup the surgeon asks: "So, do you have any issues with using the toilet?"

"Oh no, doc," replies the bloke,: "I'm pissing like a trooper nowadays."

"So tell me," asks the doc: "how is your sex life since the surgery?"

"To be honest, doc," replies the bloke: "the girlfriend took some getting used to the elephant trunk at first, but now she absolutely adores it."

So, have there been any problems?" asks the doc.

Now that you mention it.  The girlfriend and I were at the zoo on Saturday, and I was about to feed the chimps a handful of peanuts when me dick burst out of my pants and shoved 'em up me arse."

Hmmmm!!!!  And we think a little backache is worrysome.

I just had to change this pic a bit  I couldn't help myself lol , like I said I have proof