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A New Candidate

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A New Candidate

from JoeUser Forums

Today I give you an excellent candidate for President of the USA, Mr Shmulik Karhon. His message is so simple that even a liberal can understand it yet unlikely to offend even the most Christian of conservatives.

 

 

Granted, Mr Karhon wasn't born an American and is, in fact, a penguin. But apart from the minor issue that he will ursurp the presidency to get around that problem he will stick to the constitution and defend America's liberties.

He will also defend fishing rights.

His other proposed policies include:

- Unwavering US support for Israel and Iraq

- Formulation of US claims on Antarctica and defence of those claims in the UN

- Support for more public swimming pools

Mr Karhon is single, Jewish, and, perhaps most important, black and white.

 

96,559 views 45 replies
Reply #26 from JoeUser Forums Top

There is no corruption in Chicago.

ya right like there's no marshmallow in s'mores!  :) 

Reply #27 from JoeUser Forums Top

You know what? Denver sounds good!

The climate seems good, the politics fit me, and the city looks nice.

They got 2 problems.  One is the Broncos, and the other are the freak snow storms.  now if you like snow storms, yer gonna love it!  Except for the Broncos of course. ;)

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Reply #28 from JoeUser Forums Top

Quoting dan_l, reply 25
Ey!  There is no corruption in Chicago. You guys are like the feds!  Ya got nothing on Chicago political corruption.  Nada.  Zip.  Zero.  zilch.  NOTHIN'!

very true!  if there is no body, there is no crime!  Now when some of those skyscrapers start coming down, the story will be different. ;)

Reply #29 from JoeUser Forums Top

They got 2 problems.  One is the Broncos, and the other are the freak snow storms.  now if you like snow storms, yer gonna love it!  Except for the Broncos of course.

I wouldn't mind the odd snow storm. I want to live in the city anyway, so whatever happens to me will happen to so many people that somebody will find a solution.

The Broncos won't be a problem. I would follow Baseball.

 

Reply #30 from JoeUser Forums Top

I nice article about Israel in the German news:

http://www.n-tv.de/politik/Aegypter-ohne-Staatsbuergerschaft-article907751.html

It's about the 30,000 (Muslim) Egyptians who moved to Israel and married Israeli women.

The Egyptian courts have ordered that those Egyptians who married a Jewish Israeli woman should lose their Egyptian citizenship. That would affect 90% of the 30,000.

Anyway, here's welcoming the 30,000 Egyptian Arabs who came to Israel since 1990! You are very very welcome. You are the ones working towards peace.

 

Reply #31 from JoeUser Forums Top

The Broncos won't be a problem. I would follow Baseball.

Oh, you are going to have LOTS of problems!  You just dissed their religion. ;)

Reply #32 from JoeUser Forums Top

I'd suggest Minneapolis, but...

Reply #33 from Stardock Forums Top

Oh, you are going to have LOTS of problems! You just dissed their religion.

Yes.  And they have Tim Tebow. 

 

doh

Reply #34 from JoeUser Forums Top

Quoting dan_l, reply 21
Actually, fwiw Denver isn't half bad.  If you get outside of Denver itself though, Colorado becomes a pretty strange place.  There's a massive Jewish community in Denver too if it's that's something you're looking for.  

Chicago, San Fran, Boston, Minneapolis, Austin would make my good list.

 

Duck Atlanta, Phoenix, LA, and anything in PA.   

 

 

I can see Atlanta and totally understand LA.  Phoenix? Yeah it does have some crime and kidnapping issues but I don't think we're talking about kids. I have a friend who grew up in Phoenix and said that the food/eatting experience there is great.

What's wrong with PA? Pittsburgh and Denver look a lot like.  Both have big Jewish populations.  Both get a lot of snow.  Both are blue collar cities. Both are ethnically diverse considering where they are located. Both are trying to change more into white collar/tech jobs.  When I was living in the one I was thinking of the other.  Both are very loyal to their football and hockey teams (BTW Leauki, Pittsburgh's hockey team are the Penguins, which if you know Leauki that is an instant PLUS). Now, the one thing that Denver has that Pittsburgh doesn't have is better road system.

 

Reply #35 from JoeUser Forums Top

P.S.  Mr.  Karhon offended me of the HIGHEST OFFENSE POSSIBLE!

P.P.S My plan was always to take a small portion of the Antarctica.  Declare my independance from the rest of Antarctica.  State the need for humanitarian aid and finances from the U.N and U.S/U.K. due to climate (totally cold the and its hard to grow stuff).  Once I get aid and finances I approach Russia/N.K and tell them that I have an area they can hide their nukes.  Once I have some of their nukes I would declare nuclear capabilities.   

P.P.P.S Don't ask what I would do if I was the dictator of China.

Reply #36 from Stardock Forums Top

Phoenix? Yeah it does have some crime and kidnapping issues but I don't think we're talking about kids. I have a friend who grew up in Phoenix and said that the food/eatting experience there is great.

Meh.  Phoenix always felt to me like a gigantic strip mall.  Like the nightlife consisted of faux Irish pubs and being able to dine at TGI Tuesdayigans.  Scottsdale is basically LA's little brother. Some people like Phoenix.  I really don't. 

 

 

What's wrong with PA? Pittsburgh and Denver look a lot like. Both have big Jewish populations. Both get a lot of snow. Both are blue collar cities. Both are ethnically diverse considering where they are located. Both are trying to change more into white collar/tech jobs.

Honestly:  Pittsburgh and Philly both feel like they're either dead or dying.  They kind of seem to be heading more in the Cleveland direction than anything. 

Reply #37 from JoeUser Forums Top

Phoenix always felt to me like a gigantic strip mall.

I am glad you put it that way.  While perhaps not a strip mall, definitely a plastic place.  Not bad if you love that kind of stuff and 120 degree summers.

Reply #38 from JoeUser Forums Top

Honestly: Pittsburgh and Philly both feel like they're either dead or dying. They kind of seem to be heading more in the Cleveland direction than anything.

Cleveland! That statement cracked me up, so why didn't you put Ohio into your list of States to avoid if Cleveland is worse.  WAIT WAIT, your from Chi-town, is your hatred for Philly/PA due to the Blackhawks (I usually call them the Craphawks) playing the Flyers? 

I THINK I FIGURED OUT YOUR TRUE PROBLEM WITH PA!  LET'S GO FLYERS! LET'S GO FLYERS!  Joking! I'm actually not a Flyers fan and I can't believe that I typed those words so I corrected it.  The corrected part is obviously the line through it.

Reply #39 from JoeUser Forums Top

Hey, now.  Easy on my town.  Great place to live, can be in the mountains in 2 hours, golf yourself to death, lots of other recreation and phenomenal state & national parks within easy drive time.

Reply #40 from JoeUser Forums Top

Quoting Daiwa, reply 39
Hey, now.  Easy on my town.  Great place to live, can be in the mountains in 2 hours, golf yourself to death, lots of other recreation and phenomenal geography.

Daiwa, are you from Cleveland? Oh I'm sorry........ :-D

Reply #41 from JoeUser Forums Top

Daiwa, are you from Cleveland? Oh I'm sorry........

Nobody ever admits that.....I wonder why. ;)

Reply #42 from JoeUser Forums Top

TPP's reply snuck in there before I could hit the Submit button.  Are there mountains within 2 hours of Cleveland?

Reply #43 from JoeUser Forums Top

Quoting Daiwa, reply 42
TPP's reply snuck in there before I could hit the Submit button.  Are there mountains within 2 hours of Cleveland?

No, not what I guess you would call mountains if you're from Denver.  Its all perspective.  What one person says is a mountain could be a hill.  Granted, perspective does end when you look at Pikes Peak or Mt. Everest.   PA, does have mountains, but compared to Colorado those mountains are more like hills.

Doc, I guess Daiwa is just in denial about living in Cleveland ;-D 

Reply #44 from JoeUser Forums Top

Quoting Daiwa, reply 42
TPP's reply snuck in there before I could hit the Submit button.  Are there mountains within 2 hours of Cleveland?

it is Ohio.  There is a reason they call the state the HI state between oh.  They make mountains out of molehills! ;)

Doc, I guess Daiwa is just in denial about living in Cleveland

Diawa is a nice guy!  I would never accuse him of THAT! ;)

Reply #45 from JoeUser Forums Top

The thing is you can say a city is a craptown USA and you'll find some people who think its the greatest city around.  Take a minute, a non-U.S. city: Bangkok.  I didn't like it all.  Its way too crowd.  Way too much polluation.  Way too many prositutes.  I'm sure in their 12 million people you'll find a few even if its .1% that's still a nice amount of people.  I thinks it would be 12,000.