banned for an overly active imagination

Banned for presumptuous inklings that have no bearing on the length of a plumbers wrench while he orders a two-for-Tuesday from Madam Fifi's.

Banned for fixing Madam's pipes while there. Now who get's the bill? Both were scratched was the decision.

banned for piping up about it

Banned for whipping out yer pipe and scaring the young workers at Madam Fifi's with it.... those girls are never likely to marry a plumber after such a trauma.

banned for assuming such trauma

I have always been a gentle lover. Unless they ask for it harder.

Banned for confusing a tradesman's work with an artiste's dedication

b c a o n n n f e u d s e

Banned for code in the 1st degree... a mandatory life sentence applies should you not recant

Banned for a glitch in the head space. Brain scan time. This won't hurt.        

banned for an utterly banal lie

Banned for maybe a Toasted BLT would make it better.

Banned for a strumpet with a crumpet would better suffice or be twice as nice.

banned twice by mice

Banned for rhyming in a pilates zone.       

banned for not liking the rhyming

Banned for that Pilates ball looks like a giant ass... so glad it's a rear view, though.  A frontal view could be hazardous to my health as I haven't seen one in a while [male or female] and I dunno if the old ticker could take it.

Banned for a rhyme in time saves nine on the line drinking wine, which is a crime of slime sayeth the mime of grime.

banned for not letting me drink my screwdriver

Banned for if I had known you were trying to force a screwdriver down your throat, I would have sent over my old chisel set, a mallet and some no-longer-needed garden tools... though I think the old mower might have been a bit of a struggle.

banned for going for the wrong screwdriver

Banned for looking a gift horse in the mouth... knocking back free tools n' all that.

Hehe, I know some free 'tools'.  They go out every Friday and Saturday night trying to pick up women

Losers, they end up at home empty handed every time.... well perhaps not quite empty, hehe.  They usually end up making love to Mrs, Palmer and the 5 daughters [Aussie for having a wank].

banned for assuming your comment is purely Aussie

Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters.

Banned for I went out with them back in the 60's... and occasionally during the 70's, 80's and 90's

Don't bother in the 2000's cos they can't get the wrinkles out..

Banned for that's why the iron was invented.    See how happy mommy is wif her new waffle iron.

banned for making me shudder