Banned by the butter spreader. I always just used a knife, but no- Mom has to get a special thingamajig.

Banned for a Medieval thingamajig.... now get in there and take yer lumps like a good boy.

banned for being a laughing stock

Banned for I thought you said lounging socks...My bad...

Banned by the Ministry of Funny Walks... the Treasurer also fines you half a crown for leaving banana peel on the sidewalk.

Banned for taking it to appeal.

banned for peeling away the truth

Banned for truth is always the casualty in love and war... and there's no use appealing what is appalling about peeling.  I want that sack of spuds done by lunchtime

Banned for sacking the spuds. Bloody austerity.

EDIT: Did I just turn British there?

banned for turning British

Next thing you know, you will be spouting Monty Python.

Banned for one step forward, stagger, stagger, stagger.... now sober up ye blaggard n' find I that thar booty.

banned for wanting me to be sober

Being drunk and stupid is the best way to go through life.

Banned for going through life being stupid... and don't try blaming it on the alcohol, we all know it's because of the full moon and too much caffeine.

Banned for caffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............

banned for caffeine makes me sleepy

Banned for always being an exception to the rule... now take some Valium, wake up and smell the coffee.

Banned for confusing cause and effect.

Banned for effecting the cause that affected the confusion of which you complain

banned by the makers of Valium

Banned for ingesting the thallium.

Banned for getting a hit off a placebo

Banned for not googling the element.

Trust me, you cannot get a hit off it, and it is not a placebo.

banned for not getting the starker joke

Banned for getting it and not elaborating to confuse him even further.

BANNED!

Why?

I don't know

He's on third

And I don't give a damn!