Ah, so you're another one of those "ROVER, Get out from under the table" people, hey TG?
No way, I'm the one that smacks the person next to me and says -->HOW COULD YOU!
That's the one... blame the person next door. CLASSIC!!! 
THE FART CHART
* AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart
* AMIABLE : Likes to smell others' farts
* ANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in private
* AQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes
* ATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3 times
* BEWILDERED : Can't tell his own fart from others
* BIG BULLY : Farts louder than others
* CARELESS : Farts in church
* CHILDISH : Farts and then giggles
* CLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same time
* CONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudest
* CONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to go
* CUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating
* DAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's head
* DISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dog
* DISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn't smell
* DUMB : Enjoys other farts, thinks they are his own
* ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollution
* FOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hours
* FRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then farts
* GROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fart *HONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason
* IMPUDENT : Farts out aloud and then laughs
* LAZY : Just fizzles
* MASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles
* MISERABLE : Can't fart at all
* MUSICAL : Tenor or Bass, Clear as a bell, smells like shit and sounds like hell
* NERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fart
* PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
* SADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers
* SCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts
* SENSITIVE : Farts and then starts crying
* SHY : Blushes when he farts silently
* SLOB : Farts and stains his underwear
* SMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are present
* SNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dog
* STINGY : Belches to save his ass-hole
* STRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughter
* THRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserve
* TIMID : Jumps when he farts
* UNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himself
* VAIN PERSON : One who loves the smell of his own fart
* WHIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertion
* WISE GUY : Farts and asks who shit
He doesn't find this stuff... he's done most, if not all those farts he listed... and not surprisingly, he deliberately left some off for fear of losing patients...
* MD: bowel burp caused by drinking to much medicinal alcohol
* Rumbler: this is the one he listens to with his stethoscope all the way down.
* Forceps: this one needs a lttle help to come into the World.
* ENT: this one reddens your nose, nearly bursts your eardrums and leaves a fearful lump in the throat.
Not to worry, Doc, your secret is safe with us. 
Sad, but true.
Sad, but no....it's actually from studying an Oz transplanted Pommy....you might be aquainted with...
Heheheee! Geez, how I loves you good people. What started out as a pirate joke over here has taken on a whole new life of its own, thanks to you two, Ed and others. 
Funnily enough, while I like curried cabbage, I'm not so sure it actually is the methane menace I've made it out to be. It's just that mrs starkers was boiling up cabbage to go with a roast pork that night, and I thought: "pheeew, that's on the nose!", and by thinking curry powder I came up with this potent concoction in my mind to fit right in with the subject material... and fit right in it did. Hehe!
In reality, however, I think muesli does produce trouser coughs extraordinaire! Whenever I have muesli I'll be ferociously 'butt barking' like a mad dog the next day/later that evening. I like muesli! Naturally, then, when I want some, mrs starkers tells me to go get it myself... hoping, of course, that I'm too lazy to get up and get it. 
Damn.. I love muesli 
<------------- that smiley look constipated to you?
Yeah, it's great stuff, hey! Constipated? Nope...squinty eyes, looks like its trying to peel off a ripper.
*The Ventriloquist: the voice-throwing the fart you bounce off somebody ele's butt across the room.
*Echo: this is the perpetually broken fart that sounds like you're in the Swiss Alps.
*Yodeller: like the 'Echo' but more melodious.
*Muesli Bark: Tailsgirl is familiar with this one, can sometimes be hard to peel off but the result is richly rewarding.
*The Dr Phibes: our resident doctor is familiar with this one... has his organ fervently running on all pipes.
*The Tuba: rich in deep baritone sounds, Ed favours this fart as it frightens off neigbourhood dogs peeing on his front yard.
*The Flute: while this fart sounds sweetly, it's rather pungent and is favoured by Immy as it compliments her diminuitive stature.
*The Jafo: this fart has an authoritarian character and quite often will repeat itself to correct earlier spelling mistakes.
*The Fuzzy: synonymous with its name, this fart leaves you feeling rather that way and is the product of drinking Pommy beer, otherwise known as cats piss.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I liked the Jafo and Immy ones too hehe
Did you just make all this up starkers? that was brilliant
Yep, made 'em up as I went along... but then, methanology is such an easy topic to think sh!t up for.
Yeah, once I could play the 1812 Overture on the butt trumpet... but damn, I went and lost the sheet music between moves and can only remember the cannon parts.
Ever notice how Doc and Despicable both start with D.
Only because you advised they're great support for a dislocated bowel... and that's what I must have if I repetitively peel them off one after another in batches all day.
I knew I shouldn't have listened! You just wanted a pic of me getting into em, didn't yer?
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