Mencken's Law: There is always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

Allen's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.

If in doubt... try every option until one works, but be prepared to take the blame for those that didn't.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of

Law Of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage

> Jenning's Corollary: The chance of the bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.

Always make sure the word "Claymore" is facing "away".

Murphy's Rule Of Lists:  In any "complete list" the most important item will be left off.

O'Tooles's commentary on Murphy's Laws:    Murphy was an optimist.

Never worry about the falling tree branch with your name on it. Instead, worry about the falling tree addressed, "To whom it may concern"

I thought Murphy was a pessimist...go figger.

If it can go wrong, it will and it will happen to me and it will be at the worst possible time.  Murphy's main law.

I thought he was a bigamist... and the reason he was so miserable/pessimistic was having two mother-in-laws.

Murphy's Law of English: Pommies The English can't speak nor write English to wit (that be givin' yer 'arf): " two mother-in-laws." Should be: two mothers-in-law.

Law of Hammers: The more delicate the instrument, the better hammer it becomes.

Don't force it: get a larger hammer.

Smile, tomorrow will be worse.

Personally I always thought that Murphy was a pragmatist.

This is one of my favourite sayings and is known as 'Blaauw's Law' in my canon.

Jones' Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Peers' Law: The solution to a problem changes the problem.

Zubaz's Law of Programming: 

Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers can not write in English.

Life's a bitch... then you marry and discover your mother-in-law's a worse one.

I must say that I have a rather awesome mother in law. And she gets me. Not very many people do. She has an awesome sense of humor too. 

I had a mother-in-law like that once... more is the pity I didn't marry her instead, she definitely was the nicer person at the end of the day.  We remained friends for years after 'that wife' took off for greener? pastures, but unfortunately we both moved and ended up losing touch.

Here's one for the starkers:

About "that wife": Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed.

That one dragged herself off to somebody elses bed, found out she didn't like it/wasn't as good as she'd hoped and wanted to come back to muggins.  Not bloody likely!  Like I said to her: "You made... er wanted to try out another bed, go lay in it!"

There's an old Confucious saying: "Woman who goes away because of itch bound to come back with clabs!?

Clabs?!!!! 

Had a guy with a case recently:

  You know that's gonna smart.

Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.

Resitance is... treating crabs and they call in lobster reinforcements.

Former AU Prime Minister: Life wasn't meant to be easy..

Just a Citizen: Yes.. and we see your Government has implimented that policy.

welcome to this one too!

Politicians? OK...Murphy's Law of Pol's:

We could do worse, we always have.

LMAO!!!

What goes up, must come down.

Oh really? tell that to my sex maniac husband [ex]

[Hopes that post wasn't crossing the line]