Honesty and Common Sense Sweeps the Galaxy

This just in:

Men between the ages of 18 and 30 have suddenly and collectively come to the conclusion that popping their collar does not, in fact, make them cool. More as this late breaking story develops...

Wow, this is probably the only time you're going to hear these words together like this.

Ohhhh - you cynic you :LOL:

Regards
Zy

Fox News admits that it is infact just a tool of propoganda for the right wing.

On a related note The Sun (A UK newpaper) admits that their earlier claims that if one more foriegner enters Britain, we'll sink, were lies.

All around the world people are finally realizing that they should stop fighting and smell the roses: Oil is going to kill us all!

NEWS ALERT! Nagging is the #1 killer of married men.

- Bosses at workplaces all around the world tell their employees that they really don't give a rats **** and they think they are all replaceable.

- Employees tell bosses that they really don't care who they work for and they can go down the street to the next company and get the same job.

- Government admits that it does everything incompetently and for ten times what it should cost

- Private companies admit they would sell lead poison to children if they thought they wouldn't get sued and there was a profit in it.

- Citizens who burn a years worth of food for one tank of ethanol admit that they don't care if that means someone else in the world goes hungry.

- News organizations all over announce a change in their slogans from "fair, accurate, and balanced reporting" to "if it's shocking, we show it, even if it's just rumor and never really happened."

- The two major political parties announce they don't care about the issues, as long as the money keeps rolling in and they disagree with whatever the other side says.

- Senators admit they haven't looked at the Constitution since high school. In fact, all branches of government admit they haven't looked at it.

- Citizens all over admit they don't care if gasoline costs $20/gallon as long as they can stuff their entire house in their SUV.

- Environmentalists admit some exaggeration.

- Scientists admit they're not historians, they just didn't want their funding pulled.

- Computer programmers admit they're not really interested in automating your life, they just want cash. (And this is my own field - I see it all too often )

- English teachers everywhere announce that they're not really following business practices, and didn't realize your boss just wants a simple single page report.

- The RIAA announces that, due to not being needed anymore, they're closing their doors.

- Email software writers announce a new protocol and begin phasing out SMTP.

- Google announces a new privacy policy: "Everything that touches our servers is public domain." They also withdraw the "do no evil" clause from their website and replace it with "we hand everything to any business that pays us."

EA admits all their games are shit, and they will keep cranking them out until the end of time.

There's some good ones on here

M$ announces that Vista phones home to transmit browser and program usage data to sell to advertisers and has no idea if your serial number is legit.

And CNN isn't spewwing out propoganda for the left wing?

This just in:

America is split on opinion of Bush as Uniter or Divider...

And in medical news:

Boiled nuts help ward off disease, but doctors having problems with getting patients to sit still.

I think all news organizations, "right" or "left," are way too focused on being there first and having "exclusive" coverage when they ought to be focused more on accuracy and fairness.

Supreme Court strikes down "medical marujauni" usage. In related news, reports of suspected glaucoma drop drastically.

That's true, but Fox News just sorta stands out to me. It's the people like Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly on there that make it unwatchable for me. I'm a conservative, through-and-through, but the way they talk it's as if there can't be any other valid viewpoint in the world save their own. I try to pick the most unbiased of them all, people like Anderson Cooper, but they've all got at least a little bias in them.

Sorry. Not trying to derail the thread.

Teens announce new pact to only have one partner for life; scientists discover greatly reduced STDs in group. More studies to follow.

Albus Dumbledore learned all his magic spells from Papa Smurf.. film at eleven

Scientists just admit that smoking increases the chance of getting any disease conceivable, they just get more money when they do a specific study for every disease that exists.

I bought CnC3 because the price sticker covered the EA logo on the box.

Politicians admit that corn based ethanol is a retarded idea.

Myspace and Facebook join together to form "PayAttentionToMe.com"

People on forums stop flaming and decide to read posts before posting.

-Management types everywhere realize that bullet lists and PowerPoint slides are like sex toys--very personal, and best not used casually or lent to strangers

People on forums stop flaming and decide to read posts before posting...Wait did someone already post that?

You are hear as the remainder of an unbalanced equation.


In other news, on account of this mega event journalists have stopped rolling out hypothetical hand grenades at bored celebrities, thus inflicting a cruel strain on the symbiotic chord which sustains the two industries... people everywhere are beginning to notice they do in fact have their own lives... the potential is terrifying... already desperate executives have ordered a doubling of CSi production rates

scathis admits that he has fallen for me and wishes to prove his love by marrying me and giving me full access to everything related to demigod and supcom

The 'Religious Right' finally admits that its support of Israel is really just so that they can get all the jews to go back so they can trigger the rapture!

In unrelated news, the same religious right finally sits down, shuts up, and actually reads the flacking book of revelations only to realize that the rapture is never mentioned and thus, by their own logic, is a heretical suggestion...

Sorry, the rants of an angry jew