Is Feminism killing Chivalry?
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JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Sometimes I just don't understand my generation. Maybe that's because I'm really a 62 year old, stuck in a 22 year olds body. Maybe it is the people that I associate with. I don't know. I'm at a loss though, I really am. I'm not sure if it's just me or not, so let me share with you.....
My friend went on a date. Now for starters my friend doesn't really do dates. She's more of buy me a few drinks and take me home kind of girl. As are, alot of people I know. They seem to miss out on the whole dating thing, and jump to the 'good stuff', as they would say. Not my thing, but it does seem to be a popular thing with girls my age (at least the ones I know). So each to their own. However, on Friday night she went on a date. With a man she met at work. He asked her if she would like to go out, and she accepted. Nothing to strange so far. So yesterday I spoke to my friend, and asked her how her date went. She actually look traumatised for a moment, and told me it was the most awful experience she had ever gone through. Now my initial thoughts were the guy had turned out to be a complete jerk, they'd had nothing to say to each other, and the date had ended before it had really started. Silly me.
So what was this man guilty of? Well I shall tell you, he was just to nice! God damn him, and all the nice men of the world, how can you be to nice! So let me give you a run through of what the horrible brute did to my friend. He brought her flowers! Tut tut....doesn't he know he only has to do that when he's done something wrong? What a loser! He opened doors for her, and pulled her chair out when she sat down. Good manners! Oh no! We don't want them! Silly boy! He wouldn't let her pay for anything, grrrrr at him! They went to the cinema, and someone was talking loudly, and my friend asked them to be quiet, and they were slightly rude to her, at which point this man stepped in, and told them that wasn't anyway to speak to a 'lady'. I think that was the thing she hated the most. After listing his crimes to me, my friend looked at me, expecting me to be as shocked and appalled as she was. At that point the only thing that shocked me was that someone had called her a lady.
I questioned my friend a little further about all this. Because I really did think it was some kind of joke. She was deadly serious though. She informed me that men just weren't like that these days. Well I'm guessing the ones that get you drunk and take you home on the first night, generally aren't. She told me she liked to pay her way. Now that I can understand. However, if a man insists on paying I don't think that is something to be offended by. In my eyes it just means he was brought up right. She said she couldn't handle him opening doors for her etc. That she was a fully capable woman, that didn't need a man to do such things for her. She was also upset that he had jumped to her defence in the cinema. In her eyes she is well able to look after herself, and doesn't need a man to do it for her. She felt, because of that, he somehow felt he was in control, and the dominanat party. *sigh*.
I didn't try to reason with my friend, as her mind was pretty set on it, and to be perfectly honest I don't think the two of them would be a good match anyway. It just makes me sad to think that my friend would reject a man behaving well towards her so easily, and also makes me wonder just exactly what she considers to be a good date, if that was bad. Thinking about it, women seem to be in a difficult position. On one hand we are strong, independent people, who are capable of looking after ourselves, and on the other I am sure there is a part of us all that just likes to be looked after, and feel protected. I know I feel that. I know I am capable of functioning alone, of looking after myself, and I do a good job of that everyday. That doesn't mean I don't like the feeling of protection from a man, of him looking after me. Because I do. Does that make me weak? I don't think it does. Men also like to feel looked after. I know many women that look after their men. It's just in different ways. I don't see that as a negative thing. Maybe that's just me though.
I admit that regarding dating and things I am extremely old fashioned. I don't want to go out for the night, and pick up someone. I just couldn't do that. I have to get to know someone, and I do want to be treated well by them. I just don't understand how people wouldn't want to do that. Does it take to much effort? Well it should! I want to be treated well by a man, and for him to be polite, and I will appreciate it. However, it is becoming more apparent to me why not many men behave that way anymore. Because women just don't appreciate it, and they get reactions like the one my friend gave. How can we expect them to continue acting well towards us, when that is our reaction? My friend won't go out with this guy again, and he will wonder why. I wonder if he realises he was just to nice. The dating world is not a friendly place.
My friend went on a date. Now for starters my friend doesn't really do dates. She's more of buy me a few drinks and take me home kind of girl. As are, alot of people I know. They seem to miss out on the whole dating thing, and jump to the 'good stuff', as they would say. Not my thing, but it does seem to be a popular thing with girls my age (at least the ones I know). So each to their own. However, on Friday night she went on a date. With a man she met at work. He asked her if she would like to go out, and she accepted. Nothing to strange so far. So yesterday I spoke to my friend, and asked her how her date went. She actually look traumatised for a moment, and told me it was the most awful experience she had ever gone through. Now my initial thoughts were the guy had turned out to be a complete jerk, they'd had nothing to say to each other, and the date had ended before it had really started. Silly me.
So what was this man guilty of? Well I shall tell you, he was just to nice! God damn him, and all the nice men of the world, how can you be to nice! So let me give you a run through of what the horrible brute did to my friend. He brought her flowers! Tut tut....doesn't he know he only has to do that when he's done something wrong? What a loser! He opened doors for her, and pulled her chair out when she sat down. Good manners! Oh no! We don't want them! Silly boy! He wouldn't let her pay for anything, grrrrr at him! They went to the cinema, and someone was talking loudly, and my friend asked them to be quiet, and they were slightly rude to her, at which point this man stepped in, and told them that wasn't anyway to speak to a 'lady'. I think that was the thing she hated the most. After listing his crimes to me, my friend looked at me, expecting me to be as shocked and appalled as she was. At that point the only thing that shocked me was that someone had called her a lady.
I questioned my friend a little further about all this. Because I really did think it was some kind of joke. She was deadly serious though. She informed me that men just weren't like that these days. Well I'm guessing the ones that get you drunk and take you home on the first night, generally aren't. She told me she liked to pay her way. Now that I can understand. However, if a man insists on paying I don't think that is something to be offended by. In my eyes it just means he was brought up right. She said she couldn't handle him opening doors for her etc. That she was a fully capable woman, that didn't need a man to do such things for her. She was also upset that he had jumped to her defence in the cinema. In her eyes she is well able to look after herself, and doesn't need a man to do it for her. She felt, because of that, he somehow felt he was in control, and the dominanat party. *sigh*.
I didn't try to reason with my friend, as her mind was pretty set on it, and to be perfectly honest I don't think the two of them would be a good match anyway. It just makes me sad to think that my friend would reject a man behaving well towards her so easily, and also makes me wonder just exactly what she considers to be a good date, if that was bad. Thinking about it, women seem to be in a difficult position. On one hand we are strong, independent people, who are capable of looking after ourselves, and on the other I am sure there is a part of us all that just likes to be looked after, and feel protected. I know I feel that. I know I am capable of functioning alone, of looking after myself, and I do a good job of that everyday. That doesn't mean I don't like the feeling of protection from a man, of him looking after me. Because I do. Does that make me weak? I don't think it does. Men also like to feel looked after. I know many women that look after their men. It's just in different ways. I don't see that as a negative thing. Maybe that's just me though.
I admit that regarding dating and things I am extremely old fashioned. I don't want to go out for the night, and pick up someone. I just couldn't do that. I have to get to know someone, and I do want to be treated well by them. I just don't understand how people wouldn't want to do that. Does it take to much effort? Well it should! I want to be treated well by a man, and for him to be polite, and I will appreciate it. However, it is becoming more apparent to me why not many men behave that way anymore. Because women just don't appreciate it, and they get reactions like the one my friend gave. How can we expect them to continue acting well towards us, when that is our reaction? My friend won't go out with this guy again, and he will wonder why. I wonder if he realises he was just to nice. The dating world is not a friendly place.
Kind of, silly I think. Yet, I can understand that there is a reason for it. So...C'est la vie, malheursment.