Two Weddings and My Fu....!
....my Future Retirement !
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I found myself scrounging one time for old pictures of my children and found several showing the three of them on my lap in front of a Christmas tree. Has it really been that long ago ?(uh-oh, here comes the straining violins of Fiddler on the Roof ) Although I really hate going thru these mushy Hallmark moments, there I was, trying to see in photos of the two girls and their younger brother if that typical grin or smirk that made their trademark faces were still there during the time their worlds included only their Mom and Dad. No crushes nor boyfriends. Just their Dad to pick them up from school ..and on my getting home by dinnertime, it was Dad and Ice cream! Although I did note that the ice cream got the more favored attention.
In a few weeks time, I would be actually walking my younger daughter to the altar of that desolate chapel overlooking a lake with an island volcano Link. While the talk was always on the preparations (bridal shower, motif for the bridal entourage, the cake, where to book the guests, etc.) my concern had always been the guy. I would be walking down that gauntlet, excuse me , altar and bringing my daughter to the arms of another man I know little enough except to say to the guests, “Well, he seems like a nice man “.(in my inner breath, I hear all those voices “..SEEMS Like..what if he’s not..”) Well, if he’s not, then…then I could show him the straightest path from the altar to the volcano crater. So, heaven forbid, he better not be the cause of my daughter’s having to rush back to her Dad and Mom in tears. So, while all those dark thoughts crumbled through my mind, I kept needling Tina with my questions, “ Is he ok? I mean really ok?”. To which she responded with her quizzical face, “Dad??!!” which actually meant, “Give it up, Dad. It’s over.” I guess more meetings with her beau convinced me that he was a responsible young man with a lot of concrete visions for their future. For one thing, his eyes didn’t seem shifty anymore.
I would have to go through this ordeal twice in a row when I received this long distance call from Nikki, my eldest, who put on her beau on the other line who from thousands of miles away who had this very important announcement to make that needed my blessings. Jezz. I was in the middle of a very important project then, and even that had to wait. I had met this man of hers after she started emailing me photos of their group outings and pointed him out as her constant dancemate. How do I evaluate somebody my daughter has chosen and introduced ? I can’t ask him to go through ranger course. In the end , when all his answers didn’t seem doubtful or unsure, I was left with no other recourse than to depend on the good judgement I hoped was inculcated on raising my two daughters.
You get all these superstitions and feng shui stuff during weddings such as the moon being full or half-full during the wedding date. Even having two weddings in the family on same year was suppose to lead to some kind of disaster. Even if you’re not superstitious, you tend to listen to these and not leave anything to chance. I’m glad the weddings though a month apart, aren’t falling on the same year.
So, here’s to happiness (and loneliness). They say you don’t really lose your sons/daughters during weddings, but that you just gain more of them. Weddings make you pause to look back at your life and try to make some sense of it. Did I really do all that ? Couldn’t it have been better? But even after all the “what if’s..” you mutter you just have to digest it all down - the good with the bad – and see if you could still make the best of the years remaining as a Dad and a husband. Gad! I hated thinking about things that had to do with the grave, but I thought of my Dad. Although he had his own share of successes as a businessman, it wasn’t his achievements , awards or medals that crowned him when he passed away. It was his epitaph that read “loving Father, cherished Husband”, to which everyone agreed. A very significant singular achievement that drowns everything else. So when I think about writing that dream novel I kept postponing , producing this or that knockout song or coming out with that scientific paper that would revolutionize patient management, I simply veer my thoughts to that epitaph and hope to God I measure up.
In a few weeks time, I would be actually walking my younger daughter to the altar of that desolate chapel overlooking a lake with an island volcano Link. While the talk was always on the preparations (bridal shower, motif for the bridal entourage, the cake, where to book the guests, etc.) my concern had always been the guy. I would be walking down that gauntlet, excuse me , altar and bringing my daughter to the arms of another man I know little enough except to say to the guests, “Well, he seems like a nice man “.(in my inner breath, I hear all those voices “..SEEMS Like..what if he’s not..”) Well, if he’s not, then…then I could show him the straightest path from the altar to the volcano crater. So, heaven forbid, he better not be the cause of my daughter’s having to rush back to her Dad and Mom in tears. So, while all those dark thoughts crumbled through my mind, I kept needling Tina with my questions, “ Is he ok? I mean really ok?”. To which she responded with her quizzical face, “Dad??!!” which actually meant, “Give it up, Dad. It’s over.” I guess more meetings with her beau convinced me that he was a responsible young man with a lot of concrete visions for their future. For one thing, his eyes didn’t seem shifty anymore.
I would have to go through this ordeal twice in a row when I received this long distance call from Nikki, my eldest, who put on her beau on the other line who from thousands of miles away who had this very important announcement to make that needed my blessings. Jezz. I was in the middle of a very important project then, and even that had to wait. I had met this man of hers after she started emailing me photos of their group outings and pointed him out as her constant dancemate. How do I evaluate somebody my daughter has chosen and introduced ? I can’t ask him to go through ranger course. In the end , when all his answers didn’t seem doubtful or unsure, I was left with no other recourse than to depend on the good judgement I hoped was inculcated on raising my two daughters.
You get all these superstitions and feng shui stuff during weddings such as the moon being full or half-full during the wedding date. Even having two weddings in the family on same year was suppose to lead to some kind of disaster. Even if you’re not superstitious, you tend to listen to these and not leave anything to chance. I’m glad the weddings though a month apart, aren’t falling on the same year.
So, here’s to happiness (and loneliness). They say you don’t really lose your sons/daughters during weddings, but that you just gain more of them. Weddings make you pause to look back at your life and try to make some sense of it. Did I really do all that ? Couldn’t it have been better? But even after all the “what if’s..” you mutter you just have to digest it all down - the good with the bad – and see if you could still make the best of the years remaining as a Dad and a husband. Gad! I hated thinking about things that had to do with the grave, but I thought of my Dad. Although he had his own share of successes as a businessman, it wasn’t his achievements , awards or medals that crowned him when he passed away. It was his epitaph that read “loving Father, cherished Husband”, to which everyone agreed. A very significant singular achievement that drowns everything else. So when I think about writing that dream novel I kept postponing , producing this or that knockout song or coming out with that scientific paper that would revolutionize patient management, I simply veer my thoughts to that epitaph and hope to God I measure up.