Wetting Pants at 7 Years Old

My husband's brother did this until he was about 9...in the bed. They beat him over it and come to find out his bladder was smaller than it should be. He finally outgrew it.

I'd take him to the Dr. He may have "had" it at 3 because his bladder was adequate for the amount of liquids he was taking in, but maybe now its not. I would almost bet it is physical. This isn't as uncommon as you might think.

Take him to a Peds and rule out any physical problems first.

Then beat him.

JUST JOKING!!

Kids also sometimes regress when they are facing big changes (a new baby in the house is a very common cause of regression). If that's what it is, all you can do is reassure him, make sure he has the attention he needs, and know that it will get better as time goes on.

Kids also sometimes regress when they are facing big changes (a new baby in the house is a very common cause of regression). If that's what it is, all you can do is reassure him, make sure he has the attention he needs, and know that it will get better as time goes on.

Tex said a lot.  We kind of do need more info.  No beating.  but what else is going on? (With him! not you!)

No beating.

How often is this happening? My oldest would have occassional accidents until he was probably about 9 but he does have a developmental condition. I think mainly he would just wait until the last possible moment and then not be able to get to the bathroom fast enough. Basically I started asking him if he needed to go to the bathroom all the time especially if we were in the middle of an activity that I knew he wouldn't want to stop.

It's almost every day now, but he can go an entire week without an accident if he's "properly motivated".

(I put that in ominous quotes, but it's really not that way. We don't beat -- much -- but we do hold out on good things, like watching a movie or having dessert after dinner.)

Umm, as far as big changes, I thought they were over. Like this past summer, we did move across country and my wife had a baby. So there is a baby brother in the house (and sharing his room), but they are only in the same room at night and he doesn't have nighttime accidents.

For me, the fact that he doesn't have nighttime accidents rules out bladder dysfunction or underdevelopment.

Does he do this at school or only at home? Just wondering? What does he say if you ask him why he isn't using the toilet? Maybe you can get special underwear that shock him if there's any moisture - joking

Does he do this at school or only at home?

School, church, and running errands mostly. At home, we remind him often enough but when we're out somewhere we are either not around (like church, where he has his own sunday school class) or too preoccupied to remind him (like shopping).

What does he say if you ask him why he isn't using the toilet?

He claims that he doesn't know where the toilet is. This is especially frustrating because he won't ask anyone to take him to the bathroom. His teachers know that he needs to be reminded. He's just too timid to tell anyone, I think.

Maybe you can get special underwear that shock him if there's any moisture

Nice, but I don't think CPS would be keen to find out that was what we use. We *are* threatening pull-ups if he has one more accident this week.
We'll see how that goes.

I can't imagine it's a physical problem if its only a problem when you're not at home. I'm surprised that he isn't embarassed in front of his friends etc. Do you make him clean up his own mess? that might help motivate him. I hope you are able to convince him to speak up and ask where the bathroom is. I would think that would be less intimidating that having to admit that you wet yourself. Maybe start putting him in the pull ups when you leave the house and after he can go so long without an accident then let him start wearing underwear again. The question is will he care if he goes in the pullups or not? Good luck with this. It's a very frustrating problem, I know.

Have you had him checked out by a gastroenterologist? There is a condition called Encopresis...

Good heavens! I don't think it's as bad as all that. I really think it's that he holds it so long that he can't help himself. Either he's too timid to say anything about needing to go to the bathroom or he's having fun and doesn't want to miss the action. So he just lets it go...

He went all day today without a problem. Hopefully it'll keep going through the week. But this is an ongoing problem, and has been since he first potty-trained (or so we thought) at three.

Either he's too timid to say anything about needing to go to the bathroom or he's having fun and doesn't want to miss the action.

My youngest used to have a thing about using a certain bathroom. It had to be the one downstairs in OUR house. One time he was playing at a friend's house when I had an appointment, and he had to go. He refused to use their bathroom and so my friend took him to our house because he HAD to use the bathroom in our house. He didn't make it.

He did outgrow that.

I think the biggest problem you're facing is that it doesn't seem to bother him or gross him out. If it did, he'd make sure to go when he needed to.

Another consideration...some kids will have accidents (especially with pooping) to express their unhappiness or disapproval with something the parent has done. They "punish" their parents for not letting them have candy or play with playdough on the carpet, etc.

If it's not a medical issue, the only solution is going to be finding a way to make NOT going in his pants more appealing to him than going in his pants...either through making the accident a seriously unpleasant experience for him, rewarding him for not having accidents, or some combination of the two.

I mean, kids are like grown ups...we do the things we do to get what we want. If a behavior doesn't benefit us in some way, we drop it. There's something he's getting out of this behavior, and since he's having BMs as well as peeing in his pants, I'm guessing it's more than just being too involved to take a potty break.

some kids will have accidents (especially with pooping) to express their unhappiness or disapproval with something the parent has done. They "punish" their parents for not letting them have candy or play with playdough on the carpet, etc.

I KNOW this is a serious conversation but this just struck me as really funny today.

Take this s--- for giving me s---! How very mini adult kids can be!

TXW:

some kids will have accidents (especially with pooping) to express their unhappiness or disapproval with something the parent has done.

Wow, I hope that's not the case. He's not that highly-strung, nor is he moody or sullen. He's just shy.

Whip:

There's only one way to find out though, and I still think a thorough doctor's exam would be a wise thing to obtain at this point.

A very good point, and that is absolutely true. If he can't control himself for the rest of the week I will take him there myself. Our pediatrician is less than a mile from our new house, though we haven't visited him yet.

I just don't *want* to think it's a physical (or psychological) problem, since that tells me that there are deeper, underlying issues that I don't know how to deal with. But he's seven, for crying out loud... he should not be wetting himself.

I think I can offer some insight here. My wife and I took in her brother's four children. Their parents were having problems and we offered to help.

They had FOUR children, a girl and three boys. When they arrived at my home all of them (7, 9, 11,

Just to give y'all a follow-up, since this is the end of the week-long trial.

Dylan came through with flying colors. No problems, no accidents, no drips even. He had a few scares and a few times he was too stubborn to try and go to the bathroom, but all in all a good week.

Don't get me wrong, I will still get him to a doctor to check for any bladder-development problems; we have an appointment on Wednesday of next week. But I don't foresee any longterm issues.

But we've said that before.

I think the thing that irked us the most about his attitude was that it was more embarrassing for him to ask to go to the bathroom than to pee his pants.

It's not unusual for a 7 year old to be too busy, distracted or shy to use the bathroom. You might try getting him a watch to wear during the day that has a alarm go off every hour to remind him to use the bathroom. If he is too shy to ask to go to the bathroom you may want to have a "code word" he says or you ask that means he needs to go. It may also be helpful to have a "plan" and discuss where there are bathrooms and who to ask for help.

I think "threatening" to use Pull-Ups sends the wrong message. Certainly causing more tensions won't help, not that being in soiled clothing among his peers is not anymore embarassing. Pull-Ups are more of a tool to help out. Our son does wet the bed so we do use cloth type pull-ups at night. He does wear them during the day but only when he is having a lot of accidents or in place where he has had problems before.

It's not unusual for a 7 year old to be too busy, distracted or shy to use the bathroom.

Yes, that actually seems to be the problem. He's gone more than two weeks now without an incident, and that was from

I think "threatening" to use Pull-Ups sends the wrong message. Certainly causing more tensions won't help

I want to make it clear: I am not confrontational when it comes to parenting. I spank my kids but it takes a LOT for me to do so. When I threatened my son with Pull-Ups, it was because he felt his wetness was okay and acceptable. As long as no one saw it, he thought it was all right to let himself pee his pants. With that attitude, I needed to emphasize with him that if he didn't change his behavior that Pull-Ups were the next step. I certainly wasn't going to let him know that it was okay.

Thankfully, we have not had any problems for the past two weeks now. My wife and I are very happy, and he is very proud of himself. I emphasized with him that he should let this good behavior continue, and that he needs to be less shy about asking to go to the bathroom at school, church, etc., when parents aren't around.

I signed up for this site just for this posting. I can completely relate to everything singrdave said. I have a seven-year-old boy with the same problem, except day and night and sometimes he will go through several pants a day! I am completely at my wits end and don't know what to do about it. He has had this problem for years. He is now seeing a urologist to rule out any medical problems. Most likely, he has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). His sister was diagnosed with ADD years ago and their father definitely has it. Many times when the parents have it, the children will have it too. Anyway. I did hear that possibly there is a relationship between ADHD and wetting pants. (Lack of attention to the fact that they need to go.) Possibly. I don't know.
My son wears pull-ups at night. I am more worried about the daytime right now because he is getting so old. It is embarrassing for him and kids are going to start making fun of him. Sometimes, he says he can go when he needs to and then other times, he says it just happens so fast. We have tried setting a timer so he will go every hour and that helps prevent most accidents, but that is a lot of work on our part! That can't be done all the time, though, like when he is in school. I'm not sure what to do.

I signed up for this site just for this posting.

Thanks! What a compliment. I appreciate your interest in this topic, and I hope its advice will help you.

He is now seeing a urologist to rule out any medical problems. Most likely, he has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). His sister was diagnosed with ADD years ago and their father definitely has it. Many times when the parents have it, the children will have it too. Anyway. I did hear that possibly there is a relationship between ADHD and wetting pants. (Lack of attention to the fact that they need to go.) Possibly. I don't know.

As I'm not a doctor, I can't say for sure either. But it sounds believable, doesn't it?

My son wears pull-ups at night.

Are his pull-ups wet in the morning? If not, it may be a daytime attention issue. He's just too preoccupied to remember to use the bathroom. For Dylan, it was that on top of his having too much fun too tear himself away to use the toilet.

If ADD or ADHD is a concern for you, I can say that the 7 year old we had was on Adderal and then Straterra. Neither seemed to make a difference with his bathroom habits. Of course every child is different and putting him on the meds made his life quite a bit better. He couldn't sit at the dinner table. He had to have one leg on the floor fully extended.

Are his pull-ups wet in the morning? If not, it may be a daytime attention issue. He's just too preoccupied to remember to use the bathroom. For Dylan, it was that on top of his having too much fun too tear himself away to use the toilet.

Most of the time, his pull-ups are wet in the morning, probably about 95% of the time. My mother told me that I shouldn't let him where pull-ups at night because I am sending mixed messages. Maybe, but it is so exhausting for me! If I take him to the bathroom before I go to bed, it's too early. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can take him, but sometimes I don't or I wake up after 4:00 a.m. and then it's too late. The only other thing I can do is set an alarm clock for 2:30-3:00 a.m. and get him up. (I'm not sure I want to do that! Ugh.) I try to limit the amount of fluids he drinks before he goes to bed.

He couldn't sit at the dinner table. He had to have one leg on the floor fully extended.

Haha! That comment made me laugh because my son cannot sit still at the dinner table. He takes a bit and then gets up and jumps all over the room. (I thought of tieing him to the chair - Just kidding.)

My sone wet his pants until he was in 6th grade. Even in school. Took him to the doctors, had many tests run and even surgery to enlarge the opening of his urethra. Had to keep a drychange of clothes at school but sometimes that was not enough. It was not until he was ready to go into 7th grade that he finally quit. I offered to buy him a new bed if he could stay dry for a month. From then on he stayed dry. He is now a well-adjusted, happily married young man with two children and a Phd. in math.
I will tell you that I dispaired of him ever staying dry but learned not to get on his case or take my frustrations out on him. I know that both my husband and I dispaired of him ever having dry pants but he finally did.
You have the advantage of having pull ups for older children. When my son had this problem everyone knew. His underpants, jeans, socks and tennis shoes were wet. If you wish to contact me you can get me at [email protected].

I can see that this is not an isolated incident, but a real issue affecting lots of people. Are we forming a support group?