RECLAIM YOUR VIRGINITY!!!

from JoeUser Forums
SRV MembersAbout ten years ago my friend came to me bemoaning the loss of her virginity. 'why can't I get it back?' she wondered.
 
Friends, who would have ever thought that there's a growing movement for the reclamation of one's virginity. I don't know about them, but I was laughing out loud as I read the testimonials. What made me even roll with laughter (of course I'm exaggerating! ) was browsing through the facts page. The Statistics were preposterous! Who would have measured that orgasms of recalimed virgins are 200% better than those of who are not? Besides, what sampling and testing procedures could these people have employed to conclude that the average household income of non-virgins are 34.5% lower that those of virgins? Well, I just hope that nobody takes the matter seriously. For me, I read it for entertainment purposes. Look at how happy those CERTIFIED RECLAIMED VIRGINS are (yep! They issue certificates that one can show the world once his/her virginity's questioned). XD
 
The rest of the facts included were...
 
  • Orgasms experienced by recovered virgins are 200% stronger than those by non-virgins.
  • After regaining their virginity, 34.8% of the users claimed that food tasted better.
  • In Italy, where the response to SRV has been extremely high, the murder rate has dropped 23.7%.
  • The death rate among virgins is 300% lower than that among non-virgins.
  • After completing the virgination process, users' cholesterol level has decreased by an average of 12.4%
  • The average household income of non-virgins is 34.6% lower than that of virgins.
  • Newly-recovered virgins test 79.3% higher on the Rhouter-Stanly IQ test.
  • Virgins are 86.1% less likely to get into hazardous automobile accidents.
  • Hair loss is 45.6% less prevalent among male virgins than non-virgins.
  • 67% of all American Olympians are virgins.
  • Mother Theresa and the Pope are virgins.
  • Extensive testing has shown weight loss is substantially easier while you are a virgin.
  • Donald Trump first started off as a virgin.
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    And I swear guys, this is the funniest Testimonial...
     
    "I'm Catholic and had lost my virginity before getting married. I was sure I was going straight to hell, but I talked to my priest and he laughed and said, 'Salvation through SRV, my child.' I'm an angel now!"
                                                                                                                    ~ Mary Sabucci - Venice, Italy
     
    LOL! For more of how one can reclaim his/her lost virginity, you may visit this website...
     
     
    Peace out!
    2,430 views 7 replies
    Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
    "Orgasms experienced by recovered virgins are 200% stronger than those by non-virgins." - So wait, they went through the whole reclaim your virginity thing and then they had sex again? And wouldn't this be like a one-time thing seeing as how once you get the orgasm you aren't a virgin anymore? I know, you can have an orgasm without having sex, but come on. Is there a team of scientists performing experiments on lab rat orgasms right now?

    "Hair loss is 45.6% less prevalent among male virgins than non-virgins." - Yes, but what good is hair if you aren't using it to have sex? I mean, bald guys are 500% more likely to be virgins than guys with hair.

    "Mother Theresa and the Pope are virgins." - Mother Theresa is dead and the Pope is a very old man. Neither one of them should be having any kind of sex.

    "Donald Trump first started off as a virgin." - Uh, yeah, so did Carrot Top. Oh wait, Carrot Top still is.

    I would come up with sarcastic lines for the others as well, but I'll leave some fun for someone else. Seriously, while I get the impression that the whole thing is a joke already from those "facts", that still ranks up there with one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
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    Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
    So wait, they went through the whole reclaim your virginity thing and then they had sex again? And wouldn't this be like a one-time thing seeing as how once you get the orgasm you aren't a virgin anymore?


    Exactly my point!!! XD
    Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
    If that was the case I would reclaim my virginity after every time? heh its amazing what they will sell these days
    Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

    Getting second virginity from your church would be more legitimate.  It still wouldn't be virginity, but it would be a lot better than buying into that scam product.

    Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
    I've read from a magazine that there are two types of virginity: physical and emotional. Physically, one can never be a virgin again once he loses it. But emotionally, I think one can. It is all in the state of mind, I guess. Like faith healing..

    But reading their testimonial.. that's another thing. That's hilarious. ^_^
    Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
    I'm having a forced reclamation of viginity - being thousands of miles away from your other half will do that for you.

    I just thought about it - I'm not going to get any until August!!!! OMG!!!! How will I ever last that long!!!!

    Then again, my friend Mike hasn't had any for 2 years (that's been a self-imposed thing) ..d'ya think that counts as reclaiming his virginity? Perhaps I'll run the survey by him and see if he's experiencing any of their selling points...and I'll let you all know if I do.