Another fun day in my life
Why me?
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Well, tonight was definetly interesting. I swear I must be some new form a bi-polar, because I have the strangest mood swings.
I had a few friends over, my dad is out of town. My mom is completely trashed, and I'm perfectly sober. So, anyways, friends were over, and we had X-Box Karaoke going on. It was fun, and I was happy as hell. Then, they all started leaving. Shortly after which, two of my friends and I (Negotiator and Deadbolt) started watching Love Hina Again. We realized that we missed three movies between the series and this, and wow, did we miss a lot. Suddenly, it's the end, and I liked the anime. But what's this? I'm sad. Why? Because I realize that life never happens like that, I've made no promises to anyone, and suddenly feel very alone. So Deadbolt leaves, and Negotiator goes off to sleep. But it seems that I've pushed away two of my other friends. How?
The one girl I've been talking to online either isn't on, or she blocked me. I don't know why exactly, but maybe she can't put up with me. I feel like a complete loser because of this, but that's not it. If she just left and didn't tell me, I'd understand. But no, she probably blocked me, and now I feel horrible.
On top of that, I messed up with the coolest girl I've ever met. She's sweet and caring, but I was an idiot last night and decided to mess it up somehow. She seems less interested now, more than ever. I really wanted something to happen between us, but it's not meant to be. I'm sitting here trying to decide whether I want to post this, hoping that what I think isn't correct (she is studying after all), but I can't be sure. I'm not sure of anything any more.
So the whole time I have my friends over, I kept running up and down the stairs, talking to these two girls. Every time I'd run up the stairs, I'd get depressed, and every time I'd go down the stairs, I'd be happy again. My world is so chaotic right now, I feel like I'm spinning out of control. I don't understand anything, and I messed it all up.
It might just be me, but every girl I have any feelings for, no matter what, I tend to push away. This probably isn't true, but it's happened more often than not. I have one female friend, Emo-Girl (renamed today to Punk Girl on her request), and she is one of the coolest girls I've met. Maybe because I know that we'll never be more than friends I haven't pushed her away. I tend to get a bit distant, on occasion, with everyone. My world is crashing down, fast, and I need to escape...
Like someone told me, maybe I'm in love with being in love, and it really hurts to think that way. But it most likely is true. When will the girl of my dreams come into my life? It's been almost too long since I've had a meaningful hug, or a nice back rub, and all my friends are perfectly happy with their life currently. If only they realized how depressed I felt, they might help, but I don't know. I'm happy for everyone, happy that they are happy, but their happiness is sucking mine away. It's gotten to the point that I'm just not happy anymore, nothing makes me smile, nothing makes me laugh. Should I get some form of help? No, I'm not suicidal, I'd never do something like that. It's just.... everything I used to like doing, I don't like anymore. Video games are boring, reading takes too much time, I critisize my art work and musical compositions to the point that I just give up and throw them out. My jokes don't illicit laughs, my antics are mundane, life has become dull, drab. I need to get out, see the world again, but it's not going to happen anytime soon.
What am I trying to say? I'm in love with someone that I will most likely never be with, my friends ignore me unless I'm having a party, my online friends take me as a little too depressed, and work is... work. I look back on my life with many regrets, many things I'd change, and I look forward, hoping for a bright future, but I'm too lazy to do something about it. I need to get off my ass, but I can't, because every job out there is boring, every degree to earn doesn't interest me. I'm a sore thumb, I feel like I don't belong, here or anywhere, but I still plod on, attempting to make myself happy, and nothing does.
UPDATE: Maybe she doesn't hate me. I don't know anymore. I've decided to call in sick to work, it's the least I can do, I feel kinda horrible anyways. Maybe I'll sort out my feelings and realize what it is I want. I don't know anymore. Oh yes, I still have feelings for her, but everything still seems diminished somehow.
I had a few friends over, my dad is out of town. My mom is completely trashed, and I'm perfectly sober. So, anyways, friends were over, and we had X-Box Karaoke going on. It was fun, and I was happy as hell. Then, they all started leaving. Shortly after which, two of my friends and I (Negotiator and Deadbolt) started watching Love Hina Again. We realized that we missed three movies between the series and this, and wow, did we miss a lot. Suddenly, it's the end, and I liked the anime. But what's this? I'm sad. Why? Because I realize that life never happens like that, I've made no promises to anyone, and suddenly feel very alone. So Deadbolt leaves, and Negotiator goes off to sleep. But it seems that I've pushed away two of my other friends. How?
The one girl I've been talking to online either isn't on, or she blocked me. I don't know why exactly, but maybe she can't put up with me. I feel like a complete loser because of this, but that's not it. If she just left and didn't tell me, I'd understand. But no, she probably blocked me, and now I feel horrible.
On top of that, I messed up with the coolest girl I've ever met. She's sweet and caring, but I was an idiot last night and decided to mess it up somehow. She seems less interested now, more than ever. I really wanted something to happen between us, but it's not meant to be. I'm sitting here trying to decide whether I want to post this, hoping that what I think isn't correct (she is studying after all), but I can't be sure. I'm not sure of anything any more.
So the whole time I have my friends over, I kept running up and down the stairs, talking to these two girls. Every time I'd run up the stairs, I'd get depressed, and every time I'd go down the stairs, I'd be happy again. My world is so chaotic right now, I feel like I'm spinning out of control. I don't understand anything, and I messed it all up.
It might just be me, but every girl I have any feelings for, no matter what, I tend to push away. This probably isn't true, but it's happened more often than not. I have one female friend, Emo-Girl (renamed today to Punk Girl on her request), and she is one of the coolest girls I've met. Maybe because I know that we'll never be more than friends I haven't pushed her away. I tend to get a bit distant, on occasion, with everyone. My world is crashing down, fast, and I need to escape...
Like someone told me, maybe I'm in love with being in love, and it really hurts to think that way. But it most likely is true. When will the girl of my dreams come into my life? It's been almost too long since I've had a meaningful hug, or a nice back rub, and all my friends are perfectly happy with their life currently. If only they realized how depressed I felt, they might help, but I don't know. I'm happy for everyone, happy that they are happy, but their happiness is sucking mine away. It's gotten to the point that I'm just not happy anymore, nothing makes me smile, nothing makes me laugh. Should I get some form of help? No, I'm not suicidal, I'd never do something like that. It's just.... everything I used to like doing, I don't like anymore. Video games are boring, reading takes too much time, I critisize my art work and musical compositions to the point that I just give up and throw them out. My jokes don't illicit laughs, my antics are mundane, life has become dull, drab. I need to get out, see the world again, but it's not going to happen anytime soon.
What am I trying to say? I'm in love with someone that I will most likely never be with, my friends ignore me unless I'm having a party, my online friends take me as a little too depressed, and work is... work. I look back on my life with many regrets, many things I'd change, and I look forward, hoping for a bright future, but I'm too lazy to do something about it. I need to get off my ass, but I can't, because every job out there is boring, every degree to earn doesn't interest me. I'm a sore thumb, I feel like I don't belong, here or anywhere, but I still plod on, attempting to make myself happy, and nothing does.
UPDATE: Maybe she doesn't hate me. I don't know anymore. I've decided to call in sick to work, it's the least I can do, I feel kinda horrible anyways. Maybe I'll sort out my feelings and realize what it is I want. I don't know anymore. Oh yes, I still have feelings for her, but everything still seems diminished somehow.