Confessions of a Twenty-something Drama Queen!
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I don't know how this happened, but somehow I think I might have become a Drama Queen. This just kind of occured to me while I was thinking about this whole dilema I've got going on. I'm sitting here, all pissy and whiney over something that is fairly minor and trivial and I'm kind of ignoring my friends, not to mention some other important things. I've gone back to high school apparently again as far as how I'm acting and stuff like that. Too bad though, I was just starting to really get into the groove of my immaturity. I was probably going to throw a pity party while I was at it just for good measure.
Life stinks. Anyone who tells you differently is probably selling something.
I'm not going through something that no one else has ever gone through. However, I'm sure they did a much better job and reacted much more appropriately. And with a heck of a lot more maturity. I've been really stupid and dumb about some stuff the past few weeks. I'm not really going to go into it all, but let's just say I'm thinking clearly for a change... which I usually don't do so much as of late. As far as some of the big life concerns go, I haven't got a clue. And you know what, for now I don't need one. Time will bring an answer with it. I'm sure of this.
I've been talking a lot to a lot of my good friends about this whole situation. What I didn't realize is that although I've been leaning on Elf, Neomaster and particularly Texas a lot lately, I haven't been as good a friend to them as I should have been. I haven't been thinking about things from all angles that's for certain. I've definately got to start listening to my intuition a bit more. I could say that about a lot of categories in my life right now. Maybe I should take my own advice in that regard.
I've got to figure out a solution to a rather pesky D&D issue. I run a game during the week comprised of F, Roomie, Elf, Neomaster, Texas and Gamehead. There is a lot of tension brewing between Roomie and Neomaster, and I'm not entirely sure why. It's ruining the enjoyability of the game for a lot of people and I'm not sure of how to deal with it. I'm not sure if I should talk to the two of them seperately, or together even to get to the bottom of this issue, or should I address it in the rp context and show repercussions for actions. I don't know what to do in this situation. I'm completely at a loss. I'm just trying to have a good time and ensure that the people I'm playing with are having a good time as well.
There is a lot of darkness a-brewin' in a lot of different kettles. I'm just not sure which one is going to boil over first... or if I've got what it takes to make sure they don't in the first place. I want to repair all of the problems I've cause lately, and I'm not sure quite how to go about some of it. I've got some ideas on others, but that will take time to implement. I want to help some of my friends, namely Wookie and Ogre, resolve their differences and go about repairing their friendship. I want to be the responsible kind of person that a lot of my friends expect me to be. I guess I want to finally feel like I'm ready to act 26. Shocking as it might seem to some, I think I want to feel like I'm ready to grow up. There's no denying it. I'm starting to slowly push towards 30. I just don't know how I'm going to be as a person when I get there. I know what I want, but don't see it happening... not unless I grow up and face some serious truths first.
First serious truth I've got to face up to: Money doesn't buy happiness. I can't buy my way into being happy. Money is just a tool and it should be used that way... not as a means of trying to cover a deeper problem... or buying ways to deny its existance.
Second serious truth I've got to face up to: I can't blame all of my problems on F. As much as I would like to say otherwise, it's time for me to own up to being me. I am the way that I am, for good or for bad. I can't blame the bad parts of me on F, no matter what he does. It's my decision to do whatever it is that I do. It's exceptionally difficult to actually make someone do something they *really* don't want to do. At least, I hope that's true. I can't blame my worst habits on him. Chances are... I probably did all of this stuff before I met F.. and I probably blamed some of it on The Ex from Hell too. This is something I need to work on immediately.
Third serious truth I've got to face up to: Finding another Semi-Instant Prince Charming isn't going to make me a better person. If I have problems now, they aren't going to magically disappear if I leave F and were to hook up with Geek. Not that has been mentioned or anything. Just one of those truths I need to cozy up with and quick. I need to find balance within myself, and solve my own problems. That is what we all should do. Instead, I've been masking my problems and issues with another person. It hasn't worked. I'm still screwed up. I just never admitted it to myself.
Fourth serious truth I've got to face up to: If I don't want to be with F, I've got to break the cord and end the relationship. So, in other words, I better figure it out quick cause it's just not right to leave someone dangling like that. It would be morally wrong of me to stay in a relationship that I didn't want as it would really just hurt him more in the long run if I stayed in it for the wrong reasons.
Fifth serious truth I've got to face up to: Those who fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat its mistakes. I have to figure out what I should already have learned so I don't end up repeating myself and throwing myself even further into this obsessive-complusive Drama Queen track.
That's all for now. I still haven't gotten into the general life bs... like how I've almost been forced to rename Gamehead in this blog to "Semi-Nordic Sex Toy"... but I'll talk about some of that stuff later I suppose. Geek just signed on and I want to talk to him
Life stinks. Anyone who tells you differently is probably selling something.
I'm not going through something that no one else has ever gone through. However, I'm sure they did a much better job and reacted much more appropriately. And with a heck of a lot more maturity. I've been really stupid and dumb about some stuff the past few weeks. I'm not really going to go into it all, but let's just say I'm thinking clearly for a change... which I usually don't do so much as of late. As far as some of the big life concerns go, I haven't got a clue. And you know what, for now I don't need one. Time will bring an answer with it. I'm sure of this.
I've been talking a lot to a lot of my good friends about this whole situation. What I didn't realize is that although I've been leaning on Elf, Neomaster and particularly Texas a lot lately, I haven't been as good a friend to them as I should have been. I haven't been thinking about things from all angles that's for certain. I've definately got to start listening to my intuition a bit more. I could say that about a lot of categories in my life right now. Maybe I should take my own advice in that regard.
I've got to figure out a solution to a rather pesky D&D issue. I run a game during the week comprised of F, Roomie, Elf, Neomaster, Texas and Gamehead. There is a lot of tension brewing between Roomie and Neomaster, and I'm not entirely sure why. It's ruining the enjoyability of the game for a lot of people and I'm not sure of how to deal with it. I'm not sure if I should talk to the two of them seperately, or together even to get to the bottom of this issue, or should I address it in the rp context and show repercussions for actions. I don't know what to do in this situation. I'm completely at a loss. I'm just trying to have a good time and ensure that the people I'm playing with are having a good time as well.
There is a lot of darkness a-brewin' in a lot of different kettles. I'm just not sure which one is going to boil over first... or if I've got what it takes to make sure they don't in the first place. I want to repair all of the problems I've cause lately, and I'm not sure quite how to go about some of it. I've got some ideas on others, but that will take time to implement. I want to help some of my friends, namely Wookie and Ogre, resolve their differences and go about repairing their friendship. I want to be the responsible kind of person that a lot of my friends expect me to be. I guess I want to finally feel like I'm ready to act 26. Shocking as it might seem to some, I think I want to feel like I'm ready to grow up. There's no denying it. I'm starting to slowly push towards 30. I just don't know how I'm going to be as a person when I get there. I know what I want, but don't see it happening... not unless I grow up and face some serious truths first.
First serious truth I've got to face up to: Money doesn't buy happiness. I can't buy my way into being happy. Money is just a tool and it should be used that way... not as a means of trying to cover a deeper problem... or buying ways to deny its existance.
Second serious truth I've got to face up to: I can't blame all of my problems on F. As much as I would like to say otherwise, it's time for me to own up to being me. I am the way that I am, for good or for bad. I can't blame the bad parts of me on F, no matter what he does. It's my decision to do whatever it is that I do. It's exceptionally difficult to actually make someone do something they *really* don't want to do. At least, I hope that's true. I can't blame my worst habits on him. Chances are... I probably did all of this stuff before I met F.. and I probably blamed some of it on The Ex from Hell too. This is something I need to work on immediately.
Third serious truth I've got to face up to: Finding another Semi-Instant Prince Charming isn't going to make me a better person. If I have problems now, they aren't going to magically disappear if I leave F and were to hook up with Geek. Not that has been mentioned or anything. Just one of those truths I need to cozy up with and quick. I need to find balance within myself, and solve my own problems. That is what we all should do. Instead, I've been masking my problems and issues with another person. It hasn't worked. I'm still screwed up. I just never admitted it to myself.
Fourth serious truth I've got to face up to: If I don't want to be with F, I've got to break the cord and end the relationship. So, in other words, I better figure it out quick cause it's just not right to leave someone dangling like that. It would be morally wrong of me to stay in a relationship that I didn't want as it would really just hurt him more in the long run if I stayed in it for the wrong reasons.
Fifth serious truth I've got to face up to: Those who fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat its mistakes. I have to figure out what I should already have learned so I don't end up repeating myself and throwing myself even further into this obsessive-complusive Drama Queen track.
That's all for now. I still haven't gotten into the general life bs... like how I've almost been forced to rename Gamehead in this blog to "Semi-Nordic Sex Toy"... but I'll talk about some of that stuff later I suppose. Geek just signed on and I want to talk to him
