Sex, Friendship and What It All Means
or, why is sex so darned confusing?
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Sex is such a strange thing. It's what most of us usually can end up defining our lives by, at least in my generation. It's not that uncommon for us to lament and agonize whether we're going to get some or not, not to mention whining about how long it's been since we've had any. At least amongst guys anways. However, I've come to the realization that we've made sex far too important.. something we dwell on too much as a whole. I mean, I'm guilty too. In fact, the past few days I've been all kinds of messed up because of sex. And that's all it is. Sex. Nothing really too terribly important... at least it shouldn't be worth worrying over right? Wrong.
I'm in an open relationship. That means that F and I are free, within certain limitations to have sex with others. Sometimes it works out great and we make some terrific new friends in the process, like Elf and Neomaster and their new roommates Texas and her boyfriend Gamehead. They've become a huge part of our social network and have been there to support me on several occasions. Couldn't ask for a better, more sincere group of friends. Sometimes, however, it can go awry. F managed to (while within an open relationship mind you) cheat on me and nearly destroy the relationship. So, it can be hit or miss and it's usually pretty devastating when it all goes wrong. But, fortunately, those times are usually pretty few and far between, as long as incredibly good communication skills are used. To that end, I've been a member of an swingers website for quite some time, using it as a tool to meet new people. Whether I actually have sex with these people or not is a completely different story. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. However, I think what's important here are the times that I do.
I'm not sure what sets one person apart from another. I know a lot of it is attitude. If you're a gentleman, that scores big points with me. Do you only talk about sex? Not likely to win you any touch that's for sure. There's a whole litany. However, the only people that I usually end up meeting are the ones who are quirky and offbeat. The ones who still play Dungeons and Dragons, even though they are approaching 30. The people who are going to wear a Darth Vader mask to see the opening of Episode 3. Dorks and freaks and geeks. My people. The people that fall into a similiar niche to me and understand my life and my motivations... they know what makes me tick cause it's usually what makes them tick as well. I think that's the way that most people operate though. They look for someone in the same categories they are in. If you're a huge emo-goth type, chances are you aren't going to have a whole lot of common ground with a hayseed redneck. There is nothing wrong with either type of person, but there's just nothing there to talk about, to frame common references by.
I guess I should talk about Geek here. Geek is this wonderful Southern young man that I've recently met. He was a member of the same site that I had joined and sent me an email and we just clicked right away. We knew the same language and had the same quirks. It was fun from the first letter of the relationship. He goes to the local University in the Midwest that's preoccupied with Basketball. It's pretty much been instant chemistry between us, at least I think, and it has been a whole lot of fun. Now, it gets down to the nitty gritty. Can men and women be just friends when there is sex involved? I'd like to think so, but I'm not so sure anymore.
I've had friends that I've had sex with and it's always been a blast. However, this is the first time in my experience that I've made a new friend who was single, had a couple of hanging outs with, have had sex, and they still haven't met my fiance. This is a wholly independant exercise on part, and it's starting to drive me a little batty to be honest. Every once in a while I start to get the single girl quivers... you know those little butterflies you get in your stomach when you're single and a guy you're being intimate with gives you a lovely compliment, or does something very thoughtful and sweet. And other times I start to catch myself thinking about Geek, when I'm not even meaning to, like when I'm at work or something. I'm certain that I'm reading far too much into things. It seems like Geek is far too mono-syllabic at times when we're talking online to interpret anything he does as something other than friendly affection. But, even realizing that doesn't spare me from the spiral I'm starting to see. I've started to notice things... little things, but things all the same. Both times I've had physical contact with Geek, I've came away with a hickey. I've noticed that for no particular reason he smells like patchouli, and now when I smell patchouli I instantly think of him. But I think I am getting ahead of myself here.
I'm already noticing the woman trend I'm on. Sex has to mean something right? It's not just some random exchange of bodily fluids that means nothing other than it was a good time. At least, I'm beginning to go through that whole thought process now. I'm not sure what's going on in my head right now, but I'm telling you it's starting to get a bit complicated that's for certain. I just don't want to end up all messed up in the head on account of this. Would certainly make for an interesting twist that's for certain... but not something I want to handle. I just don't know how well sex can stretch the bonds of friendship, and a devleoping friendship at that - not something already established, or if it will just break it and become too wierd or whatever... or if it inevitably has to follow the trend to love and romance. But then again, for deeper reflections on that I could go just watch "When Harry Met Sally".
Then there is the whole philosophical debate on love with someone you've had sex with. Is it love? Was it love to begin with and you just didn't know how to express it properly? Or is it pseudo-love? The crush kind of thing where it wasn't really love - you just thought it was. Or is it just simply lust? Sometimes sex is almost good enough to qualify as a religious experience... so if you find that kind of sex aren't you going to naturally want to hold onto it? I'm just not so sure anymore about any of this stuff. It's all so confusing anymore. Or at least parts of it are at any rate.
Welpers, seeing as I've now successfully blogged twice in one day (this one way better I think), it's time for me to be done with it all. I've really got nothing else to say, unless you want to hear me whine about my life somemore, although I've already done that quite enough for the day thank you very much. I could go into details about my sex life, but I'm not quite so sure that's what you want to hear anyways... well, you probably do, but that's another story... or a series quite possibly. Alrighty, g'night bloggers.. May the schwartz be with you!
I'm in an open relationship. That means that F and I are free, within certain limitations to have sex with others. Sometimes it works out great and we make some terrific new friends in the process, like Elf and Neomaster and their new roommates Texas and her boyfriend Gamehead. They've become a huge part of our social network and have been there to support me on several occasions. Couldn't ask for a better, more sincere group of friends. Sometimes, however, it can go awry. F managed to (while within an open relationship mind you) cheat on me and nearly destroy the relationship. So, it can be hit or miss and it's usually pretty devastating when it all goes wrong. But, fortunately, those times are usually pretty few and far between, as long as incredibly good communication skills are used. To that end, I've been a member of an swingers website for quite some time, using it as a tool to meet new people. Whether I actually have sex with these people or not is a completely different story. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. However, I think what's important here are the times that I do.
I'm not sure what sets one person apart from another. I know a lot of it is attitude. If you're a gentleman, that scores big points with me. Do you only talk about sex? Not likely to win you any touch that's for sure. There's a whole litany. However, the only people that I usually end up meeting are the ones who are quirky and offbeat. The ones who still play Dungeons and Dragons, even though they are approaching 30. The people who are going to wear a Darth Vader mask to see the opening of Episode 3. Dorks and freaks and geeks. My people. The people that fall into a similiar niche to me and understand my life and my motivations... they know what makes me tick cause it's usually what makes them tick as well. I think that's the way that most people operate though. They look for someone in the same categories they are in. If you're a huge emo-goth type, chances are you aren't going to have a whole lot of common ground with a hayseed redneck. There is nothing wrong with either type of person, but there's just nothing there to talk about, to frame common references by.
I guess I should talk about Geek here. Geek is this wonderful Southern young man that I've recently met. He was a member of the same site that I had joined and sent me an email and we just clicked right away. We knew the same language and had the same quirks. It was fun from the first letter of the relationship. He goes to the local University in the Midwest that's preoccupied with Basketball. It's pretty much been instant chemistry between us, at least I think, and it has been a whole lot of fun. Now, it gets down to the nitty gritty. Can men and women be just friends when there is sex involved? I'd like to think so, but I'm not so sure anymore.
I've had friends that I've had sex with and it's always been a blast. However, this is the first time in my experience that I've made a new friend who was single, had a couple of hanging outs with, have had sex, and they still haven't met my fiance. This is a wholly independant exercise on part, and it's starting to drive me a little batty to be honest. Every once in a while I start to get the single girl quivers... you know those little butterflies you get in your stomach when you're single and a guy you're being intimate with gives you a lovely compliment, or does something very thoughtful and sweet. And other times I start to catch myself thinking about Geek, when I'm not even meaning to, like when I'm at work or something. I'm certain that I'm reading far too much into things. It seems like Geek is far too mono-syllabic at times when we're talking online to interpret anything he does as something other than friendly affection. But, even realizing that doesn't spare me from the spiral I'm starting to see. I've started to notice things... little things, but things all the same. Both times I've had physical contact with Geek, I've came away with a hickey. I've noticed that for no particular reason he smells like patchouli, and now when I smell patchouli I instantly think of him. But I think I am getting ahead of myself here.
I'm already noticing the woman trend I'm on. Sex has to mean something right? It's not just some random exchange of bodily fluids that means nothing other than it was a good time. At least, I'm beginning to go through that whole thought process now. I'm not sure what's going on in my head right now, but I'm telling you it's starting to get a bit complicated that's for certain. I just don't want to end up all messed up in the head on account of this. Would certainly make for an interesting twist that's for certain... but not something I want to handle. I just don't know how well sex can stretch the bonds of friendship, and a devleoping friendship at that - not something already established, or if it will just break it and become too wierd or whatever... or if it inevitably has to follow the trend to love and romance. But then again, for deeper reflections on that I could go just watch "When Harry Met Sally".
Then there is the whole philosophical debate on love with someone you've had sex with. Is it love? Was it love to begin with and you just didn't know how to express it properly? Or is it pseudo-love? The crush kind of thing where it wasn't really love - you just thought it was. Or is it just simply lust? Sometimes sex is almost good enough to qualify as a religious experience... so if you find that kind of sex aren't you going to naturally want to hold onto it? I'm just not so sure anymore about any of this stuff. It's all so confusing anymore. Or at least parts of it are at any rate.
Welpers, seeing as I've now successfully blogged twice in one day (this one way better I think), it's time for me to be done with it all. I've really got nothing else to say, unless you want to hear me whine about my life somemore, although I've already done that quite enough for the day thank you very much. I could go into details about my sex life, but I'm not quite so sure that's what you want to hear anyways... well, you probably do, but that's another story... or a series quite possibly. Alrighty, g'night bloggers.. May the schwartz be with you!
