All men are arseholes...and nice guys finish last

the reason for the cliches

from JoeUser Forums
Does anyone not see the connection between the two statements (gross generalisations) in the headline? For those that don’t see the connection let me explain it to you. Before I do would like to state that in this article I am not referring to all women, just those who say stuff like “all men are arseholes”. I am not referring to all men either, just to those who say stuff like “nice guys finish last”.

Arseholes are the guys these women I am referring to really notice. They get results because they aren’t being a puss in terms of getting out there and getting noticed or least actually making a move. That, as far I can see, is all they have over the “nice guys” (not that all nice guys don’t take initiative, but I’m keeping it simple for now). Since these women never give the “nice guys” the time of day they naturally assume all guys are arseholes. Due to this practice of ignoring the nice guys they are probably creating more arseholes because the nice guys want to cash in on the arsehole racket.
As a general rule these women make absolutely no effort to show interest in the more timid “nice guy” and yet they wonder why they find the “nice guys” never make a move.

Nice guys do get girlfriends all the time. It may take them longer but I assure all you “nice guys” that it does happen. Your phrase ‘Women only go for arseholes, cry about it to me later and say “why can’t I find a man like you, well not exactly like you but you in an arsehole’s body”’ is equally due to your own skewed perception. Your problem is you keep on chasing all the girls who are un/intentionally after bad-arse-biker boys (or similar) and trying to be their knight in shining armour. Stop it! If little miss damsel in distress can’t see her self-destructive pattern IT’S HER OWN FUCKING PROBLEM! They grow out of it eventually.....or end up being old and alone and being eaten by their cats, same difference. Either way you can comfort yourself with the fact that you are wasting your time on them. For crap’s sake stop being a doormat too, it is making you look desperate and pathetic, you are scaring them. Remember there is a difference between being considerate and respectful and being obsequious and ultra-keen (or worse dull). If you like there are a lot of dominatrixs out there looking for submissives, perhaps that is your calling.

I bring this up because a couple of nights ago I had a couple of nice, very intelligent and beautiful women over for dinner that were complaining about the “all men are arseholes” situation. I couldn’t sympathise because they seemed quite aware that nice guys are out there but they are too timid to make a move. Well here’s a tip, it’s a new fucking millennium girls, YOU CAN MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! Now don’t get me wrong as a man (not necessarily a nice guy or an arsehole, I’d rather you made that assessment yourself) I don’t mind making the first move, I do make the first move, but it seems like the ball is always in the man’s court. Why can’t you rally a little instead us acing you all the time? Being a little pro-active doesn’t make you a slut. If you are exceptionally beautiful and intelligent the “nice guys” probably assume you already have an arsehole boyfriend, so give it go.

To the “nice guys”: ask them out, they like it, it shows initiative and more importantly interest. If they reject you ask out someone else, continue until you succeed. Take advantage of alcohol, that’s what it’s there for.

Incidentally I have been putting the term “nice guys” in quotation marks for a reason. This is because women seem to think that “nice guys” are asexual creatures that only desire to listen to all their problems with a sympathetic ear and generally give off the “I want to be just good friends vibe”. Guess what, they want to get in your pants too! It’s just that they want to get into your pants in a considerate and respectful way. If you believe he is being too considerate and respectful please tell him. That being romantic shit takes effort you know.

I don’t put the term arseholes in quotation marks because they are arseholes. You can’t change them, not easily anyway, so stop trying. If they act like arseholes, leave them, give them some incentive to change...instead of giving ‘nice guys’ incentive to change into arseholes.
I’m glad I cleared that up for you. Go forth and live accordingly...and give me a call :D.

“He frolicked through the meadow (in a masculine way) and yodelled triumphantly at the top of his lungs, and behold the villagers did rejoice.” – Toblerone J. Aardvark
dating
18,257 views 31 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Another great article, Toblerone....

I actually think there's a lot of truth to what you've written. Personally, I don't want an asshole...and I am more than willing to make the first move, so this is not a problem I expect to encounter.

On the opposite end, I see a lot of guys who complain about their high-maintenance, less-than-faithful girlfriends, but then when they get a chance to start over, they pick up the same beautiful but self-absorbed bubble-headed kinda chicks that caused them so much grief in their other relationships.

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yes Texas, the door definately swings both ways. I could write a book a about it, but really it comes down to the fact that people are blind to their stupid patterns. They do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. Unfortunately for people to change it often takes something dramatic to happen before they can see where they have been going wrong.

Thanks again for the compliments, you rock .
Sins of a Solar Empire: Rebellion
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can barely read what your saying (type to small) but when I enlarge it I can feel what your saying.

Women tend to (especially women who lookgod according to society) go for the guy hwho is full of himself, could really care less about her, is an idiot, jerk ass who might not do something on perpose but guess what??? You still end up paying for it in the end.

some women pay for it dearly with failed marraiges, kids they can't or don't want to take care of, rape, sexual deseases, verbal abuse and other.

There was a story on WebMD about this and I wrote about it on eSource Magazine (the blog on modblog) too. Woman have to watch out for this just as much as men do.

I left out one, he is married but he doesn't love her. they are just going through the motions.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks for your comments joeKnowledge.

As for the small type situation I do that for a reason. I find that the way joeuser blogs are displayed on my computer makes the lines overlap. If you have large type the lines overlap more. The only way I can seem to solve it is to either double space (which spreads it out too much) or make my type smaller.

Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Just you. However, I dislike large fonts. In fact, Arial really annoys me. I want to destroy articles written in size 12 Arial.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I want to destroy articles written in size 12 Arial.


I couldn't agree more.


Toblerone, my work pc has the same trouble, don't sweat it.


Oh good, so I'm not going crazy....I mean more so. I wonder what the reason for it is.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think there is another factor and this probably deserves an article by itself. I'm talking about those men and women who mistake sex for love or vice versa. This causes so many problems between men and women. I'm not advocating 'free' love, because it simply doesn't exist. But men and women need to be honest with each other and say if they're only out for a sexual adventure. Too many niave hearts are turned hard and cynical by mistaking one for the other.

Another excellent article, Tobs. Keep it up.

Cheers,

Maso
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yeah, I agree with you there Maso. I think there are few articles you could get out of some the issues I've raised, I had to restrain myself from making it novel length. Muggaz wrote an entire article on the nice guys thing the other day.

Thanks for the compliments.

Cheers mate,

Tobler
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Awesome article mate... looks like your finger is on the pulse thats for sure...

Incidently, i didn't see this, it just appears as though great minds think alike
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
What a bizzarre coincidence.

Thanks for the compliment Muggaz.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Interesting article.

I get what you are saying, really I do. However, there's this thing called attraction and for some reason, I'm attracted to the arseholes--I think it's the chase aspect. Nice guys are too easy--there's no adventure. It all gets dull very fast.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well then you're making a judgement call on what you value more. Being treated well vs the excitement of the chase. A lot of women make that decision without really realizing it and then don't understand how it all goes wrong in the end. Yes, the nice guys are too easy, there's less "training" or work to get them to treat you well. There's no work or challenge to them... but they'll treat you better on the whole throughout the relationship.

It largely comes from what you're looking to get out of a relationship. Do you date for fun, or to find a potential mate? If it's for fun, then you want the jerks, they're more entertaining, more exciting, shorter lived. For a mate, the nice guy is still overlooked but probably the better choice. Most women I know are still in it for the fun. Come back and talk to me in a few more years when you're done with the rollercoaster and are looking to settle down and we'll see how your tune changes.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Interesting article. I get what you are saying, really I do. However, there's this thing called attraction and for some reason, I'm attracted to the arseholes--I think it's the chase aspect. Nice guys are too easy--there's no adventure. It all gets dull very fast.


I'm probably missing the point here entirely, being naive in the ways of the world but can't someone be interesting without being an arsehole? I think you are confusing "nice guy" with "boring but harmless guy". Whatever happened to conversation or great sex being a source of interest, rather than say the person shitting you all the time?
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
They can be twice as fun and twice as exhilirating as any bad boy can ever be


Hmmm... there are a lot of sweeping generalisations in this thread, sorry for picking on this one, but in my experience, most blokes who would be termed 'nice guys' are really boring as a mule... sure, there are some exciting mule's out there...

I think the 'problem' with nice guys is the fact that they will bend over backward to impress a chick they like, they aren't comfortable in their own reality, and they are always worried if they qualify for the girl, when realy, they should be qualifying the girls...

nice guys dont have what i call the 'cool' effect... it's a casual nonchalence that gets the girls - bad boys don't care what anyone thinks of them, but nice guys are always trying to impress everyone... big mistake in the attraction game
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm probably missing the point here entirely, being naive in the ways of the world but can't someone be interesting without being an arsehole? I think you are confusing "nice guy" with "boring but harmless guy". Whatever happened to conversation or great sex being a source of interest, rather than say the person shitting you all the time?


Ah--I didn't say interesting--I said too easy. You can understand a "nice guy." He doesn't play as many tricks with your mind, he's not keeping you on edge (and just to point out, neither of these are good traits)--as Mug says, he's bending over backwards to make you happy. However, there is something distinctively attractive about the chase. I'm not saying it's healthy--but it's life for many of us women.

You can't change who you are attracted to--if you are just too nice to me, I'm going to walk all over you.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm going to walk all over you


That's exactly what shoes are for right Shades?
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
"nice guys dont have what i call the 'cool' effect....it's a casual nonchalence that gets the girls - bad boys don't care what anyone thinks of them"

Oh really Muggaz, are you that easily fooled?! They care, they just pretend otherwise. I get what you're getting at, but the truth is that the bad boyz are more insecure when you get down deep because they're too scared to show who they really are.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm going to walk all over you.


And then there are the wolves in sheeps clothing. The ones that are assholes but play the role of the nice guy better than the nice guy. I can't say I'm that type of guy but I have seen it plenty of times.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
but the truth is that the bad boyz are more insecure when you get down deep because they're too scared to show who they really are.


LOL - because some bizatch will walk all over their emotions...

don't worry mate, i think we are on exactly the same page...
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Helix II:
Women cannot change men, it's a ridiculous fruitless effort..but they'd like to think they can.


That's not true; I changed a man for the better, and he agrees.

On another aspect of the subject, what makes a man become an arsehole? Usually really handsome men (who know how good they look) are arseholes. Conversely, guys who are insecure sometimes put up an arsehole front to protect themselves.

And sadly, the nice guys are too nice to want to throw themselves into that lion's den, and maybe they'd just rather stay home.

A handsome man with a beautiful woman. What could be more aesthetically pleasing than that? It's sad that so many beautiful people go and spoil their looks by acting like arseholes.

I was scared to death of the whole scene entirely.... in the end, I just wish the "nice guys" who'd been interested in me would've SAID SO and DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
I agree with this page about "nice" guys. Women don't not like nice guys for their niceness. Being kind is great! It's everything else that usually accompanies "nice" guys that bother women.
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm a nice guy as well as an arsehole. I guess that means I finish first but all girls hate me.
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
es anyone else have this problem or is it just me?


I have this problem as well...but its just on your page...not the one everyone else is reading.....sign out of JU then go into the forums and click on your article...it will be ok there.

So no more small type!
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
I married a clean cut, apple pie, and fourth of July, nice guy.

He doesn't bore me at all. I can always count on him to do the right thing by me and our kids. He is strong and capable. Smart and sexy. And still NICE.

What is weird to me though is when we go back to the little town he grew up in...all the women batt their eye lashes and talk about what a "bad boy" he was and how he broke their hearts.

~GAGS~

Maybe he was that way, but in 19 years of marriage I haven't seen it.

I'll take a sincere nice guy over a handsome jerk any ol day of the week.