Putting marriage first

very insightful. putting kids first is the popular thing now and i think relationships are sacrificed. if you dont always put your kids first we are demonized nowadays. how about a family where everyone in the family is of equal importance? gee wouldnt that be a new idea.

I think that another reason that 50% of marriages end in divorce because of 2 reasons: (1) it's too easy to get married and (2) it's too easy to get divorced. A lot of young people these days take marriage as just the next step in a relationship. If it doesn't work out, well, there's always divorce. I have a friend who was married for less than a year. He had doubts going into the marriage, and not just the cold feet kind. I had doubts about the marriage, although I didn't say anything until he expressed his doubts to me, and then I tried to talk him into at least putting a hold on things. But by that time he was feeling pressured into going through with it because of all the wedding plans, etc. Now he's divorced at age 25, which I suppose is better than divorced at 35 with a couple of kids.

CariElf, people who marry even when they shouldn't is really a different subject than what I am referring to. You are right that being divorced before having kids is much better. Once you have kids you are linked for life. If you don't have kids, you can start all over again.

My point, whether I am making it effectively or not, is that couples put their relationship on the back burner in order to do all of the things that society is telling them they need to do. How many times do we hear "the children have to come first." I agree to that in respect to their health and well being. It seems people take it to the extreme to mean they come first for everything. I think that is wrong.

If parents are using all of their energies on their kids, they aren't using any for themselves. You have to keep in touch with what brought you together in the first place. I don't just mean a token bouquet of flowers or a card every once in a while. I mean keeping in touch with each others' interests and goals. Make plans together. Don't let the busy world rob you of each other. The kids will benefit more by your having a healthy, happy relationship than by any group, sport or event that they may miss out on during your date night.

Jilluser - nice job. so many marriages could be saved if the dating never stopped...

Jilluser - nice job. so many marriages could be saved if the dating never stopped...

JillUser, you made your point effectively. I was just inspired to add my own comments on the divorce rate.

You are right about kids benefiting more from healthy marriages; the best kids I know come from happy marriages.

I will keep your advice in mind if I ever find someone I want to marry.