Mecha-Lenin Mecha-Lenin

[requesting sticky, as usual]MechaLenin's Guide to Trolls is back! All newbies must read.

[requesting sticky, as usual]MechaLenin's Guide to Trolls is back! All newbies must read.

Frogboy is control freak with a tiny penis.

 

Since this forum is plagued by trolls, megalomaniacs and annoying characters of all kinds, I'm bringing you this guide to to help you identify these posters before they get into your head.



TIER 1 trolls -these trolls are a threat to your sanity


King of Kings-

We all know KOK. He is dellusional. He will often rage and start sweareing your family till 10th generation.

Very dangerous and insane troll. He truly believes what he is writing and he could kill for it if he only know how.

Stay away, his paranoia is contageous and transmitted by close contact (see Kbroke)

He often tells the tale about his glorious victories which never took place and some interesting story about bia clan.


Sinperium-

Troll whose life ambition is to become a pop superstar

allegedly took up the alias 'worldstrider' and used it to troll countless forumites into oblivion

while many view this theory to be bunk, it must be said now that this theory has now been confirmed along with the theory that Ryat was the one who was behind the infamous "I blame Ryat thread"

Countless thousands are shocked by Sinperium's blatant disregard for decency and propriety, and by his frequent postings of unintelligible gobbledygook on a near-daily basis.

This scandalous figure relishes the attention we give him and often makes posts about himself just to be able to read something that he has written.

This troll deserves a tier higher than the ones already present.

Reviewed by KrdaxDrkrun

 

 

 

MayallCommunion-

This is a very dangerous witch troll who pretends to make treads concerning game balance, but whose secret intentions lie in nerfing everything that has the potential to destroy the Advent. Generally, her comments seem very reasonable, yet they are filled with lies that unwary newcomers consume in all their innocense.

Mayalls comments alone are not the most dangerous tricks this evil troll has up her sleeve though. The real nasty stuff happens where nobody but her victims can see it. In private messages, the witch troll indoctrinates carefully selected forum newcomers, and they eventually become mindless husks that support Mayall publicly, no matter what she states on the forums.

Because of her steadily growing army of husks, she seems to be an important figure here on these forums, as she gets support on most of his threads here and that makes it even harder for irregulars to see the truth behind the lies.

She also awards her husks with karma points every now and then, as a meaningful reward for their loyalty. Rival trolls like Sareth and Riddleking are also awarded karma every now and then, yet this is not uncommon behavior for a witch troll. She does respect fair competition, it would seem.

Reviewed by Teun-a-Roonius

 

Teun-a-Roonius- awaiting review

kbroke- awaiting review

Cilverbug- awaiting review

Admirat Hoth- awaiting review

Major Stress- awaiting review


TIER 2- They are sometimes serious, which only adds to their unpredactibility. Although not as annoying as TIER 1 trolls, they are still very potent.

 


RiddleKing-

This guy is a master at mixing half truths with subtle lies...he tends to go through a cycle with four stages:

  1. The Lurker phase- long periods (relatively) of little or no activity...the occasional posts in this phase lack both gravity and evidence of trolling
  2. The F*&% you phase - right when the community least expects it, he'll go on a tirade about how uber retarded you are...usually his analysis in this phase is more or less correct, and at this phase he begins to build credibility...
  3. The Remission phase- after the dust has settled, he'll go into a very serious, very caring mode...his comments are reasonable, seemingly thought-out, and sometimes a little lovey-dovey, almost to the point of flambouyancy...
  4. The Troll phase- using the recent credibility he's obtained, he'll start giving tips or comment on strategy...at first, he'll seem reasonable, but as time goes on this expert troll will gradually integrate small lies and misinformation into his "advice"...very often, people defer to his "advice", falling into a cleverly built troll trap...even the wisest forum members sometimes get caught by RiddleKing...

Reviewed by Seleuceia


Ue_Carbon-

This guy is a true shit disturber, a "real player" if you will...

His strategy is simple...first, he'll align with the modders and troll the MP crowd...then he'll troll the modders, alienating himself from his own kind...then he'll get on TeamSpeak and tell his modder friends how great they are...somehow this master strategy results in modder vs. MP forum battles of epic proportions, and at the end of the day everyone forgets the subtle manipulations he performed...

He is also infamous for the "Bomber Rage Quit" or BRQ...simply amassing a large fleet of bombers almost guarantees a rage quit from this troll, leaving his wingmen to fend for themselves...

Reviewed by Seleuceia

 

Sareth-

One could call Sareth tenacious and determined...or one could call him just stubborn and hard-headed...his trolling scheme usually starts with a controversial topic or suggestion from which he will adopt a ridiculous position...his "opinions" are followed by walls of psuedo-logic that easily persuade the feeble-minded...only the strong willed can see through his deceit...

This troll is so good at trolling, he'll even sometimes troll himself and actually believe what he is saying...this only makes him more convincing, more determined, and more dangerous...only the well-prepared and strong-willed should fight this dangerous foe...

Reviewed by Seleuceia

 

Volt_Cruelerz-

With this troll comes the age-old adage that silence is deadly...

for his silence is only interrupted by occasional posts that contribute to the general paranoia which serves as a barricade to newer players.

When he does post something out of the blue, it will most often be some kind of rage-filled comment against the many changes that the Sins devs have not implemented in order to make the game better for all players. Use extreme caution when approaching him on these grounds.

He is shamelessly antisocial and will rebuff all attempts to fraternize with him with strange comments about his mods or just nothing at all...

In spite of his trollish behaviors, he has shown himself to be dedicated to his mods and to be coherent on that account, warranting him a tier two placement.


Huymac-

He is a notorious Ironclad Online chat troll. He's an asian fella with a little man complex, who's favorite sins pastime is to tell everyone how great he is.  He is a banker who shamelessly steals from the mouths of the poor to give to his already lavish lifestyle.  He is also quite proud of this fact.  Aside from shouting his own praise, his other pastime is to initiate arguments online and lose them.  He is a notorious Ironclad Online chat troll.

Reviewed by Sareth

 

BrazilianJoe-

This troll is most commonly known for making threads on the forum that contain the word "official", making new victims believe that Brazillian_Joe is a Stardock or Ironclad representative. Even though he may be a tier two troll, this guy is a serious thread to your health.

Besides making his own threads seem very official, this Brazillian troll also declares threads from legitimate forum users (and sometimes even threads made by other trolls too!), unoffical. Making newcomers think that Joe - pretending to be a StarClad representative - knows best and therefore they will listen to him rather than to innocent forum users, whose threads are banished into the deeper layers of the forums, where they will remain unseen for a long long time...

Luckily, numerous smarter trolls (mostly the tier 1 trolls), have pointed out to the newbies that Brazillian_Joe is a cheap troll instead of a StarClad rep, and now most forum regulars are very aware of him. Joe lies under heavy fire regularly these days, being stuck at +9 karma for weeks by now. This does not make him any less of a try-hard though, and he continues to bring more dangerous trolls and influential forum regulars down with seemingly official statements.

Remember, once the Brazillian troll starts to post replies that are filled with words that no one can even find in the regular dictionary, get the hell out of that thread! For if you stay too long, his Brazillian voodoo-magic will draw you nearer and nearer to becoming a slave of the Brazillian troll... An average Joe!

 

 

Polistes-

This troll enjoys such a low rating because we have yet to determine just what his motivations are for trolling the rest of us. He is most certainly enjoys the thrill he gets from making all of the pro gamers mad, but otherwise his presence is quite mysterious. He is coherent and intelligent, which also prevent him from getting higher up in the tiers.

Polistes is widely known for flaming the pro gamer portion of the Sins community and going off on tirades about how Single Players don't care anything for balance and they just want to have fun. When the modders respond to him, he just ignores them, and instead continues to berate the targeted pro gamer(s) until he feels that they have been sufficiently riled. Then he turns around and attempts to make you feel like you have wronged him somehow.

In order to avoid making him mad, attempt to make him feel better about himself with pictures of cats and cookies and bunnies. This will most certainly help keep his infamous 10-post barrages down to a minimum.

Also, do not mix Seleuceia and Polistes. They do not seem to get along well. Reviewed by KrdaxDrkrun.




TIER 3- SPECIAL TIER


Yarlen-

This troll has such a low placement because us Forumites have a soft spot in our hearts for him and we do not want to embrace the truth:

Yarlen is renowned for making promises void of any substance and for making vague references to incoming content for the game.

There is no denying his dedication to the forums, as it seems that he is the only developer who even reads what we write...

In spite of that, it is generally felt that he does this not out of some obligation to the community, but out of some demonic thirst for fresh ideas, which he promptly consumes, leaving vague promises in his wake.

Beware, if you see him in your threads, it is not because he is looking for fresh ideas to implement into the game, but because he is looking for newer players to drain the life force from.

Now we know why certain people have such brief stints on the forums:

Yarlen is on the hunt.

 

Kryo-

This denizen of the forums is well-loved by all who appreciate the fine art of being able to pass lots of things off to other people.

He is well-known for his infrequent postings making mention of the feared "Contact Stardock Support" in response to a problem...

but, not to worry, as Stardock Support is very good at fixing problems, and it usually only takes them a week or so to solve a problem that could've been solved in a few minutes...

We've always figured that it was never Kryo's fault that he didn't have the time to answer our questions, so we give him a tier three ranking.

Newcomers beware though, Kryo has a severe dislike of spam posters, which he appears to share with another denizen by the name of Jafo. So, in order to stay on his good side, do not post useless threads, or you will soon discover just why his name is Kryo.

 


MEGALOMANIACAL BORES-

 

Ryat -

More celebrity than a real troll. Will do everything to be visible (wonder why didn't he published his sex tape yet)

Usually he is shallow and has nothing to say but will write a lot of sensless comments just to get some karma.

Ignoring him is strongly suggested

Reviewed by Quar

 

Howdidyoudothat-

How used to be a cool guy. But time passed and How got old and entered andropause.

Now he danies everything he used to do. He is dead earnest and deadly boring.

With age came paranoia. In Howthe's case, it's serious, he sees little blue people everywhere like a drunk who sees white    mouses.

With delusions came a hipocrisy and megalomania which drove him to become a denunciator.

All that fits him perfectly to MEGALOMANIACAL BORES category.

 

(pathetic)ACHIEVEMENT WHORES-

 

BOTA99

Polistes

Yurka_Sanctuary

Warpeeg

Classicvibe

ogoor

 

JUST WHORES-

 

SemazRalan- "yeah, I'm just a whore"

 

SELEUCEIA TIER-

Empty so far. No idea who should I put here.

1,395,801 views 573 replies
Reply #301 Top

Quoting Teun-A-Roonius, reply 290

Quoting Brazilian_Joe, reply 288Wasn't it Clockwork-Marx?One more remark and you got yourself a review. Watch it you!

 

Musta been Steampunk-Mao then.

Reply #302 Top

Quoting Brazilian_Joe, reply 301

Quoting Teun-A-Roonius, reply 290
Quoting Brazilian_Joe, reply 288Wasn't it Clockwork-Marx?One more remark and you got yourself a review. Watch it you!

 

Musta been Steampunk-Mao then.

Wow  Joe, once in 1000 posts you managed to say something funny. You get a medal. Troll medal. Yeah, I just made up those. Could add them to OP.

Reply #303 Top

Brazillian_Joe:

This troll is most commonly known for making threads on the forum that contain the word "official", making new victims believe that Brazillian_Joe is a Stardock or Ironclad representative. Even though he may be a tier two troll, this guy is a serious thread to your health.

Besides making his own threads seem very official, this Brazillian troll also declares threads from legitimate forum users (and sometimes even threads made by other trolls too!), unoffical. Making newcomers think that Joe - pretending to be a StarClad representative - knows best and therefore they will listen to him rather than to innocent forum users, whose threads are banished into the deeper layers of the forums, where they will remain unseen for a long long time...

Luckily, numerous smarter trolls (mostly the tier 1 trolls), have pointed out to the newbies that Brazillian_Joe is a cheap troll instead of a StarClad rep, and now most forum regulars are very aware of him. Joe lies under heavy fire regularly these days, being stuck at +9 karma for weeks by now. This does not make him any less of a try-hard though, and he continues to bring more dangerous trolls and influential forum regulars down with seemingly official statements.

Remember, once the Brazillian troll starts to post replies that are filled with words that no one can even find in the regular dictionary, get the hell out of that thread! For if you stay too long, his Brazillian voodoo-magic will draw you nearer and nearer to becoming a slave of the Brazillian troll... An average Joe!

 

Yes yes, you had it coming Joe. :grin:

Reply #304 Top

Quoting Teun-A-Roonius, reply 303
An average Joe!

ROFL!

Reply #306 Top

I have no idea what to say. *Yawn* I want the collector's edition. I'm bored too.

 

 

 

 

My Boredom level:

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

The Unity is victorious!

 

Here is the video to go along with it:

Reply #307 Top

Quoting NR2001, reply 307
I have no idea what to say. *Yawn* I want the collector's edition. I'm bored too.

 

 

 

 

My Boredom level:

The Unity is victorious!


Here is the video to go along with it:

 

Not funny, not annoying, not even useful. You failed at whatever you did.

 

EDIT: updated troll tree

 

Reply #308 Top

PFFT! for being a teir 1 :troll:   I STILL got no review, nor my ugly mug on the picture... Don't make me really start Trollolololoing. EDIT: 'Bout freaking time ;)

Reply #309 Top

Best way to get a review is to focus on pissing off someone, who will then want to trash you in a review. FYI, as creator of this list I can't write reviews.

Best candidates would be Ryat or Sinperium.

 

Reply #310 Top

Bah! I flatuate in Sinperiums general direction. (BTW this topic IS funny)

Reply #311 Top

Quoting Major, reply 311
(BTW this topic IS funny)

Don't dare make fun of this topic you filthy troll.

edit: So far 90% of modders I know seem to be trolls. With the exception of Seleuceia. Maybe I should just add all modders to the list?

Reply #312 Top

Quoting MayallCommunion, reply 43
I love you guys

I'm not surprised..

 

Reply #313 Top

Quoting Mecha-Lenin, reply 312

Quoting Major Stress, reply 311(BTW this topic IS funny)

Don't dare make fun of this topic you filthy troll.

edit: So far 90% of modders I know seem to be trolls. With the exception of Seleuceia. Maybe I should just add all modders to the list?

And you probably would be right. As much crap as modders have to put up with, I am surprised the modding forum isn't all chaos, and anarchy. I don't troll intentionally, but i admit there were occasions. If anyone remembers the infamous "Major Stress Meltdown" on the SoA topic years ago lol. Now I just toss in a little sarcastic humor now, and then to spice things up ;)

Reply #314 Top

Quoting Major, reply 314
As much crap as modders have to put up with, I am surprised the modding forum isn't all chaos, and anarchy.

Its because we deal with life better than MP players.

If we don't like it, we change the rules. }:)

Reply #315 Top

Quoting Major, reply 311
Bah! I flatuate in Sinperiums general direction. (BTW this topic IS funny)

Your mother was a Vasari, and your father smelt of space ponies!

Reply #316 Top

This coming from a Pirate that came from two Advent "silent" mothers.

Reply #317 Top

Quoting Ryat, reply 315

Quoting Major Stress, reply 314As much crap as modders have to put up with, I am surprised the modding forum isn't all chaos, and anarchy.

Its because we deal with life better than MP players.

If we don't like it, we change the rules.

Life? Oh wait, you mean SoASE.

Reply #318 Top

Quoting Ryat, reply 315
f we don't like it, we change the rules. :troll:

 

Reply #319 Top

I don't recognize that movie...is that from Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants?

Reply #320 Top

Quoting Seleuceia, reply 320
I don't recognize that movie...is that from Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants?

 

You have your nose so far in your pudding cup you can't even see it for what it is! I'd suggest some delicious home made cookies to cure your problem. Maybe then you would understand, just maybe ...

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Reply #321 Top

He is too young.

Barely got out of Einstein Videos.

Reply #322 Top

I make cookie dough just so I can BURN IT TO THE GROUND IN FRONT OF INNOCENT LITTLE CHILDREN AS THEY WATCH IN HORROR...

And then I ever so kindly FORCE PUDDING DOWN THEIR THROATS UNTIL THEIR BELLIES BURST WITH PUDDING JOY

Reply #323 Top

Quoting Seleuceia, reply 323
I make cookie dough just so I can BURN IT TO THE GROUND IN FRONT OF INNOCENT LITTLE CHILDREN AS THEY WATCH IN HORROR...

And then I ever so kindly FORCE PUDDING DOWN THEIR THROATS UNTIL THEIR BELLIES BURST WITH PUDDING JOY
YOU SICK BASTARD!!!

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Reply #324 Top

Quoting Teun-A-Roonius, reply 324
YOU SICK BASTARD!!!

 

*Cues the Braveheart music*

 

For Cookies!!! XO

 

Reply #325 Top

I OFFICIALLY nominate DirtySanchezz to be included in SoaSE's Troll Bestiary (this thread).