The Universe is testing me....
But I've got it all under control for once...
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
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Disclaimer: Before you read this, please know that I smoke pot and I talk about my sex life with no inhibitions. I hope you are not offended, but if you are, I suggest you stop reading now. :))
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Well, I have a few things I need to write about tonight, but I will fill you all in on what happened in the last few weeks before I get into what is bothering me now...
When I left off, I was dealing with my feelings for my ex, Frank. This is what happened:
I went to his apartment. We smoked a little bud.
He told me that he was in love with me, that he wanted to keep the fire burning between us, and I would always be his "missing puzzle piece." He said he was leaving in September to be a Navy Seal and he might not come back. (I know a million girls would fall for that line and jump into bed with him, but I just think it is the corniest line ever!)
Anyway--- I felt like he was asking me to make a choice, and I honestly knew that I had already made my decision... No matter how tempting it is to think about what might have been with him, I am in love with Jeff and nothing will ever change that. So I told him how I feel about him that night. I told him that I loved him, and that everytime I hear his voice, I think about what could have happened with us... And then I left. Came home to Jeff... And we had GREAT sex. The next night, I called Frank to tell him that I was flattered, but I wasn't going to leave my boyfriend. He told me that he didn't want me to- That he didn't want a relationship anyway... He wanted to join the Navy and be single... But when he gets out, in EIGHT years, when I'm THIRTY, he's going to look me up. Whatever....
And that was that.... I told Jeff everything that had happened afterwards. He said he could tell something was going on. I could never keep a secret from him. And I want him to know everything about me. I want to deal with situations together from now on. I feel like we are already married.
Christmas was odd. Jeff worked on Christmas eve, and I spent the night up at the bar with him. One of his regulars came in really late, a strange and interesting fellow that stays much later than is allowed, and he kept buying Jeff and I shots... so we kept drinking. Then we went back to Jim's house.. (Jim, Pete, Jeff and I) and smoked some yummy stuff... Jeff was a cop for years before we hooked up, and had never done any drugs b4 he met me. But I love to smoke pot, and he has sampled it a few times with me... Well- this stuff was awesome, and Jeff should not have smoked as much as I did. His tolerance is no where near what mine is... And so, I had to babysit my boyfriend all night bc he was DRUNK like I have never seen him, and high as a kite.
We showed up to my aunts house for leftovers around 7pm although we were supposed to be there @ noon.
New Years was a dud. Jeff had to work- again... and so I hung out at the bar with him and sat next to this OLD man who kept talking about 13 yr old Taiwanese mail order brides, and how I look like I would be "comfortable" to be with... wink wink... He said his father would say that I am "upholstered" bc I have breasts and hips and look like a real woman. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The funny thing is- He was stone cold sober and saying these dreadful things to me. He is a recovering alcoholic that hangs out at the neighborhood bar and drinks coffee.... I am too nice to ppl sometimes. I should have just told him to leave me the fuck alone. But, something in my mind tells me that he needs someone to talk to, and I feel sorry for the old fat bastard. ok- enough of this story.... Happy New Years everyone! :))
OK-
Here is my latest issue. And this is a tough one.
How should I start?
My boyfriend Jeff introduced me to his friends last January when we first started dating. I liked them all, but felt a real connection with "Dan the man who doesn't work so well." In case I haven't mentioned this before, MY best friend is Derek, and Derek is in a wheel chair. He deals with a form of MS, and also a serious heart condition. We have been indescribably close for over ten years....I am no stranger to the wheelchair issue- And I have never been so superficial as to have that matter at all in my relationships (like a lot of ppl I have met are).
Now, Dan is about 35 yrs old, and is a quadraplegic. He was hit by a drunk driver when he was a senior in high school. ((( facts that mean nothing to the story but I think are really cool-------- Jeff and I live in DT houston, he grew up in El Paso, and met Dan downtown thru friends, and I grew up 30 miles north of Houston, and met Jeff online... But when Dan and I met, we discovered that we had graduated from the same high school and had the same english teacher our senior year that we both adored and had shaped our artistic future---------))))
Ok- so a little info about Dan.... He's very good looking. He has eyes like the sea after a storm. He is VERY intelligent. He is a beautiful poet. I cried when I read a poem he wrote about his accident. I can't begin to tell you how truly talented he is. He teaches English @ the community college. And hangs out at the coolest cafe in our bohemian little neighborhood. (Westheimer and Montrose is so much like San Franciscos Haight and Ashbury) I love being there with Jeff and Dan and the "staff" as they call themselves (just our little group of friends that would do anything for each other). I have loved sitting @ Cafe drinking my costa rican coffee, smoking my camel lights and listening to everyone ramble on about government conspiracies. Dan is one of my favorite people ever. Someone I consider a brother.
My point is that I have always felt a connection to Dan, and I'll even go so far as to tell you that I have a crush on him, and if I had never met Jeff I could see myself being interested in Dan. However- when I get involved with someone, all of his friends are "invisible" to me and I would never think of dating them... even if Jeff and I broke up---- I wouldn't date Dan bc I think it would be wrong of me to cross that line.
Now it gets interesting...
Yesterday afternoon, Jeff and I had planned to drive around and get information about houses and apts for rent, because our lease is up this month... but we stayed up too late the night before, and slept in way too late, and Jeff spent the rest of our daylight time goofing off on the computer with his buddies online. It got to be about 7pm, and our friend Vanessa called, and wanted us to come hang out with her and Dan. They are getting a new place together and basically screwing over Dans current roomie, Ashton... but he totally deserves it and that is another story...
SO- Jeff and I head to the cafe. When we get there, they are at a bar around the corner, and we join them.
The Harp is a little pub, and it's Vanessa, this guy Chris, his ex wife, Dan, Jeff and I.
I ordered a long island (yum) and we sat there hanging out...
Dan asked me to go to the jukebox with him, and I helped him put some songs on. Then he told me to get in his lap, he wanted to give me a ride. I was hesitant at first, and I said something stupid like I didnt want to hurt him, he said I can't... I felt bad and I took his ride. It was fun. And it was funny....
A few minutes later, he drove his motorized cart over (by the way, he has some use of his his arms, and hands) and asked me to take a ride with him. I thought nothing of it, and sat in his lap. he took me for a speedy little ride around the bar and we joked and giggled. Then we went back to everyone else. I did think it was a little odd when I was sitting there later @ this circular table, with my arm around the back of Jeff's chair, and I felt Dan touching my hand... But I laughed it off... He was drunk and silly. He had never done anything like that before and I was a little flattered, but still I thought nothing of it.
Then Dan left. And we sat around talking still. I ended up drinking 2 long islands, and we tried to get ahold of Dan bc Van and I wanted to smoke out a little...
When he called us back, I was the one he wanted to talk to. He said he only had a little pot, and wanted me to come over alone. ha ha ha
Then he asked to talk to Jeff and a few minutes later, Jeff was dropping me off at Dan's apt. Jeff doesnt want to smoke anymore, and he was really hungry, he said- but he'd pick me up whenever I called. Jeff didnt seem to have a problem leaving me alone with his BEST friend, so neither did I .... All I wanted was to smoke some pot.
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When I got inside his apartment, we talked a little bit. We were both a little drunk. And stupid.
I remember him asking me when the last time I had sex was. I told him it was last Monday. Jeff and I have both been sick.
And I jokingly said, "Now, if you're asking about oral sex, then I couldn't tell ya..."
I honestly meant it as a joke, because I have always been able to complain a little bit about Jeff when I am with Dan, and we can just be friendly and funny and he gives me tips and advice or whatever...
But not this time. He clung to my comment and wouldn't let it go.
He started asking me if I wanted him to give me oral sex. He pushed the issue. I told him that I always had a crush on him and the idea was tempting, but that I was in a relationship, and I would never do that to Jeff.
I remember him getting his stash from the desk, locking the front door and saying "ha, Jeff doesn't have a key anyway" and leading me back to his bedroom, where I sat on the edge of his bed and loaded a bowl... with the crumbs he had left... and he sat in his chair next to me.
He kept saying that Jeff would never know. That friends do those kinds of things for friends. That guys in wheel chairs don't get the girls. That he has wanted me from the moment he met me. That I am SO hot... and he sees what Jeff loves about me...
I knew he was drunk, and I still couldn't believe my ears. I must admit that I was tempted. But I was drunk and getting high, and I would never cheat in my right mind... I was never afraid. He CANT hurt me. and I was flattered.... but it went WAY to far.
he asked me to lay down on the bed and spread my legs so he could smell me. Of course I never would do that. And didn't. He told me how badly he wanted to taste me... How he has wanted to lick me for a year.
I was aroused. I totally was. Jeff hardly ever pleasures me like that. I fucking love our sex. We fit perfectly and I orgasm like crazy! But I LOVE oral sex, giving and receiving!!! (and I give killer head))) but I never get it--- even though I ask for it... and when Jeff does go down on me, I feel like he is only doing it out of obligation..... OOOoohhh.... and it got me so excited just thinking about it... With Dan especially...
BUT I continued to tell him that I wouldn't, I couldn't. There was no way I would give in and I appreciated the attention, but it wasn't going to happen. He started to calm down, and stop begging, when I slipped.
I told him that I had cheated on Jeff before (and Jeff knows about it) and I will never do it again. Before I could finish my sentence, he had zoomed over to his door, closed it, locked it and was on his way back to me.... He said if I had done it before, I could do it again.
Can I just tell you how CHEAP that made me feel? Why do men treat me this way? I am not a tease. I am not a whore. I am not easy.
He said that it was just between friends. He would give me pleasure, but was asking nothing of me in return. No penetration, he kept saying...
God, and so many other outrageously sexual and over the line comments.
I told him I had to get out of his room. So I went outside to smoke a cigarette, & I called Jeff. Dan came out as I was dialing the phone and told me to tell Jeff we were smoking and I would call him in a few minutes. And I did. I smoked a cigarette, and went inside. I sat on the couch and talked to him. He told me he would tell Jeff that he had hit on me. He said Jeff already knew. He said he told Jeff he would. And if we told Jeff everything that had happened, he wouldn't suspect that there was anything going on. And then we could be together without him knowing... He said he loved Jeff like a brother, that he would take a bullet for him, but he wanted me.
Ya know- I'm a pretty cool chick, but I just don't understand this trend of men throwing themselves at my feet. No one is that cool. Did I mention I was 30 pds overweight, unemployed and bitchy?
To make a very long story a little shorter, I called Jeff. Said goodbye to Dan. Walked out the door, down the stairs, and called Jeff again. He was in the apt complex- he'd pick me up where he dropped me off in one minute. That wasn't good enough. I started walking... And Jeff knew when he saw me walking that something was wrong.
How do you tell your lover that his best friend in the world hit on his future wife?
He asked me what was wrong, and I told him that I needed to think about what had just happened and I was high and drunk and didnt know how to tell him. Then his phone rang. Dan called to say that we were all supposed to have breakfast the next day for Vanessa's birthday. And he told Jeff to tell me that he was "JUST CHECKING."
Jeff asked what that meant. So I told him.... everything.
He's not mad. He's hurt. And if it were anyone but Dan, he said as soon as he saw me walking, he would have gotten out of the car, gone up to the apartment, and kicked his ass.
Right now, I think he is waiting to hear Dan's side of the story. See if he comes clean like he told me he would... And see what kind of a friend he really is. Maybe he was just drunk and acting on a crush, and knew he had pushed it too far, but we could forgive him... Maybe not.
As for me, I don't know exactly how I feel. My man is backing me up, and he's proud of me- has no hard feelings about the mutual crush, and is making sure that I'm doing ok about what happened. I feel like I was treated like a cheap slut, and even if he was drunk, there was no excuse for how I was spoken to... But I also feel like an adult who can handle it...Who knows that sometimes ppl say things when they are drunk that they wouldn't normally say... and if he is a true friend, it will all work out.
I must admit, in a small way, I am still flattered. I was nice to know that he has a crush on me as well... but I wish this hadn't been the way I found out about it. I had a lot of respect for him. Now I see him like all the other men who have pushed themselves on me. And played mind games with me... just trying to get in my pants.
I was the girl with boobs in 5th grade. I was the girl that every guy wanted-- ONLY because of those BOOBS.
And the feeling of not being enough on my own -without tits- has haunted me for years. Everytime a man treats me like meat, those feelings come rushing back, stronger than ever. This was one of those times. I am sick of feeling like meat.
This is all that matters now. I know who I am. I really like myself and I have true friends who couldn't care less about my body. My man sees me for who I am. And I am getting to the point where I am making very healthy decisions about my life. I have finally gotten to the point where I respect myself. And I will be respected. I will be apologized to, and I will be treated like the lady that I am. No matter what.
Thank you for sticking around and reading all this...
I hope you've enjoyed my life.
I'll keep you all up to date on what happens next.
Until then, Goodnight.
Blessed be.
Disclaimer: Before you read this, please know that I smoke pot and I talk about my sex life with no inhibitions. I hope you are not offended, but if you are, I suggest you stop reading now. :))
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Well, I have a few things I need to write about tonight, but I will fill you all in on what happened in the last few weeks before I get into what is bothering me now...
When I left off, I was dealing with my feelings for my ex, Frank. This is what happened:
I went to his apartment. We smoked a little bud.
He told me that he was in love with me, that he wanted to keep the fire burning between us, and I would always be his "missing puzzle piece." He said he was leaving in September to be a Navy Seal and he might not come back. (I know a million girls would fall for that line and jump into bed with him, but I just think it is the corniest line ever!)Anyway--- I felt like he was asking me to make a choice, and I honestly knew that I had already made my decision... No matter how tempting it is to think about what might have been with him, I am in love with Jeff and nothing will ever change that. So I told him how I feel about him that night. I told him that I loved him, and that everytime I hear his voice, I think about what could have happened with us... And then I left. Came home to Jeff... And we had GREAT sex. The next night, I called Frank to tell him that I was flattered, but I wasn't going to leave my boyfriend. He told me that he didn't want me to- That he didn't want a relationship anyway... He wanted to join the Navy and be single... But when he gets out, in EIGHT years, when I'm THIRTY, he's going to look me up. Whatever....
And that was that.... I told Jeff everything that had happened afterwards. He said he could tell something was going on. I could never keep a secret from him. And I want him to know everything about me. I want to deal with situations together from now on. I feel like we are already married.
Christmas was odd. Jeff worked on Christmas eve, and I spent the night up at the bar with him. One of his regulars came in really late, a strange and interesting fellow that stays much later than is allowed, and he kept buying Jeff and I shots... so we kept drinking. Then we went back to Jim's house.. (Jim, Pete, Jeff and I) and smoked some yummy stuff... Jeff was a cop for years before we hooked up, and had never done any drugs b4 he met me. But I love to smoke pot, and he has sampled it a few times with me... Well- this stuff was awesome, and Jeff should not have smoked as much as I did. His tolerance is no where near what mine is... And so, I had to babysit my boyfriend all night bc he was DRUNK like I have never seen him, and high as a kite.
We showed up to my aunts house for leftovers around 7pm although we were supposed to be there @ noon.
New Years was a dud. Jeff had to work- again... and so I hung out at the bar with him and sat next to this OLD man who kept talking about 13 yr old Taiwanese mail order brides, and how I look like I would be "comfortable" to be with... wink wink... He said his father would say that I am "upholstered" bc I have breasts and hips and look like a real woman. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The funny thing is- He was stone cold sober and saying these dreadful things to me. He is a recovering alcoholic that hangs out at the neighborhood bar and drinks coffee.... I am too nice to ppl sometimes. I should have just told him to leave me the fuck alone. But, something in my mind tells me that he needs someone to talk to, and I feel sorry for the old fat bastard. ok- enough of this story.... Happy New Years everyone! :))
OK-
Here is my latest issue. And this is a tough one.
How should I start?
My boyfriend Jeff introduced me to his friends last January when we first started dating. I liked them all, but felt a real connection with "Dan the man who doesn't work so well." In case I haven't mentioned this before, MY best friend is Derek, and Derek is in a wheel chair. He deals with a form of MS, and also a serious heart condition. We have been indescribably close for over ten years....I am no stranger to the wheelchair issue- And I have never been so superficial as to have that matter at all in my relationships (like a lot of ppl I have met are).
Now, Dan is about 35 yrs old, and is a quadraplegic. He was hit by a drunk driver when he was a senior in high school. ((( facts that mean nothing to the story but I think are really cool-------- Jeff and I live in DT houston, he grew up in El Paso, and met Dan downtown thru friends, and I grew up 30 miles north of Houston, and met Jeff online... But when Dan and I met, we discovered that we had graduated from the same high school and had the same english teacher our senior year that we both adored and had shaped our artistic future---------))))
Ok- so a little info about Dan.... He's very good looking. He has eyes like the sea after a storm. He is VERY intelligent. He is a beautiful poet. I cried when I read a poem he wrote about his accident. I can't begin to tell you how truly talented he is. He teaches English @ the community college. And hangs out at the coolest cafe in our bohemian little neighborhood. (Westheimer and Montrose is so much like San Franciscos Haight and Ashbury) I love being there with Jeff and Dan and the "staff" as they call themselves (just our little group of friends that would do anything for each other). I have loved sitting @ Cafe drinking my costa rican coffee, smoking my camel lights and listening to everyone ramble on about government conspiracies. Dan is one of my favorite people ever. Someone I consider a brother.
My point is that I have always felt a connection to Dan, and I'll even go so far as to tell you that I have a crush on him, and if I had never met Jeff I could see myself being interested in Dan. However- when I get involved with someone, all of his friends are "invisible" to me and I would never think of dating them... even if Jeff and I broke up---- I wouldn't date Dan bc I think it would be wrong of me to cross that line.
Now it gets interesting...
Yesterday afternoon, Jeff and I had planned to drive around and get information about houses and apts for rent, because our lease is up this month... but we stayed up too late the night before, and slept in way too late, and Jeff spent the rest of our daylight time goofing off on the computer with his buddies online. It got to be about 7pm, and our friend Vanessa called, and wanted us to come hang out with her and Dan. They are getting a new place together and basically screwing over Dans current roomie, Ashton... but he totally deserves it and that is another story...
SO- Jeff and I head to the cafe. When we get there, they are at a bar around the corner, and we join them.
The Harp is a little pub, and it's Vanessa, this guy Chris, his ex wife, Dan, Jeff and I.
I ordered a long island (yum) and we sat there hanging out...
Dan asked me to go to the jukebox with him, and I helped him put some songs on. Then he told me to get in his lap, he wanted to give me a ride. I was hesitant at first, and I said something stupid like I didnt want to hurt him, he said I can't... I felt bad and I took his ride. It was fun. And it was funny....
A few minutes later, he drove his motorized cart over (by the way, he has some use of his his arms, and hands) and asked me to take a ride with him. I thought nothing of it, and sat in his lap. he took me for a speedy little ride around the bar and we joked and giggled. Then we went back to everyone else. I did think it was a little odd when I was sitting there later @ this circular table, with my arm around the back of Jeff's chair, and I felt Dan touching my hand... But I laughed it off... He was drunk and silly. He had never done anything like that before and I was a little flattered, but still I thought nothing of it.
Then Dan left. And we sat around talking still. I ended up drinking 2 long islands, and we tried to get ahold of Dan bc Van and I wanted to smoke out a little...
When he called us back, I was the one he wanted to talk to. He said he only had a little pot, and wanted me to come over alone. ha ha ha
Then he asked to talk to Jeff and a few minutes later, Jeff was dropping me off at Dan's apt. Jeff doesnt want to smoke anymore, and he was really hungry, he said- but he'd pick me up whenever I called. Jeff didnt seem to have a problem leaving me alone with his BEST friend, so neither did I .... All I wanted was to smoke some pot.
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When I got inside his apartment, we talked a little bit. We were both a little drunk. And stupid.
I remember him asking me when the last time I had sex was. I told him it was last Monday. Jeff and I have both been sick.
And I jokingly said, "Now, if you're asking about oral sex, then I couldn't tell ya..."
I honestly meant it as a joke, because I have always been able to complain a little bit about Jeff when I am with Dan, and we can just be friendly and funny and he gives me tips and advice or whatever...
But not this time. He clung to my comment and wouldn't let it go.
He started asking me if I wanted him to give me oral sex. He pushed the issue. I told him that I always had a crush on him and the idea was tempting, but that I was in a relationship, and I would never do that to Jeff.
I remember him getting his stash from the desk, locking the front door and saying "ha, Jeff doesn't have a key anyway" and leading me back to his bedroom, where I sat on the edge of his bed and loaded a bowl... with the crumbs he had left... and he sat in his chair next to me.
He kept saying that Jeff would never know. That friends do those kinds of things for friends. That guys in wheel chairs don't get the girls. That he has wanted me from the moment he met me. That I am SO hot... and he sees what Jeff loves about me...
I knew he was drunk, and I still couldn't believe my ears. I must admit that I was tempted. But I was drunk and getting high, and I would never cheat in my right mind... I was never afraid. He CANT hurt me. and I was flattered.... but it went WAY to far.
he asked me to lay down on the bed and spread my legs so he could smell me. Of course I never would do that. And didn't. He told me how badly he wanted to taste me... How he has wanted to lick me for a year.
I was aroused. I totally was. Jeff hardly ever pleasures me like that. I fucking love our sex. We fit perfectly and I orgasm like crazy! But I LOVE oral sex, giving and receiving!!! (and I give killer head))) but I never get it--- even though I ask for it... and when Jeff does go down on me, I feel like he is only doing it out of obligation..... OOOoohhh.... and it got me so excited just thinking about it... With Dan especially...
BUT I continued to tell him that I wouldn't, I couldn't. There was no way I would give in and I appreciated the attention, but it wasn't going to happen. He started to calm down, and stop begging, when I slipped.
I told him that I had cheated on Jeff before (and Jeff knows about it) and I will never do it again. Before I could finish my sentence, he had zoomed over to his door, closed it, locked it and was on his way back to me.... He said if I had done it before, I could do it again.
Can I just tell you how CHEAP that made me feel? Why do men treat me this way? I am not a tease. I am not a whore. I am not easy.
He said that it was just between friends. He would give me pleasure, but was asking nothing of me in return. No penetration, he kept saying...
God, and so many other outrageously sexual and over the line comments.
I told him I had to get out of his room. So I went outside to smoke a cigarette, & I called Jeff. Dan came out as I was dialing the phone and told me to tell Jeff we were smoking and I would call him in a few minutes. And I did. I smoked a cigarette, and went inside. I sat on the couch and talked to him. He told me he would tell Jeff that he had hit on me. He said Jeff already knew. He said he told Jeff he would. And if we told Jeff everything that had happened, he wouldn't suspect that there was anything going on. And then we could be together without him knowing... He said he loved Jeff like a brother, that he would take a bullet for him, but he wanted me.
Ya know- I'm a pretty cool chick, but I just don't understand this trend of men throwing themselves at my feet. No one is that cool. Did I mention I was 30 pds overweight, unemployed and bitchy?
To make a very long story a little shorter, I called Jeff. Said goodbye to Dan. Walked out the door, down the stairs, and called Jeff again. He was in the apt complex- he'd pick me up where he dropped me off in one minute. That wasn't good enough. I started walking... And Jeff knew when he saw me walking that something was wrong.
How do you tell your lover that his best friend in the world hit on his future wife?
He asked me what was wrong, and I told him that I needed to think about what had just happened and I was high and drunk and didnt know how to tell him. Then his phone rang. Dan called to say that we were all supposed to have breakfast the next day for Vanessa's birthday. And he told Jeff to tell me that he was "JUST CHECKING."
Jeff asked what that meant. So I told him.... everything.
He's not mad. He's hurt. And if it were anyone but Dan, he said as soon as he saw me walking, he would have gotten out of the car, gone up to the apartment, and kicked his ass.
Right now, I think he is waiting to hear Dan's side of the story. See if he comes clean like he told me he would... And see what kind of a friend he really is. Maybe he was just drunk and acting on a crush, and knew he had pushed it too far, but we could forgive him... Maybe not.
As for me, I don't know exactly how I feel. My man is backing me up, and he's proud of me- has no hard feelings about the mutual crush, and is making sure that I'm doing ok about what happened. I feel like I was treated like a cheap slut, and even if he was drunk, there was no excuse for how I was spoken to... But I also feel like an adult who can handle it...Who knows that sometimes ppl say things when they are drunk that they wouldn't normally say... and if he is a true friend, it will all work out.
I must admit, in a small way, I am still flattered. I was nice to know that he has a crush on me as well... but I wish this hadn't been the way I found out about it. I had a lot of respect for him. Now I see him like all the other men who have pushed themselves on me. And played mind games with me... just trying to get in my pants.
I was the girl with boobs in 5th grade. I was the girl that every guy wanted-- ONLY because of those BOOBS.
And the feeling of not being enough on my own -without tits- has haunted me for years. Everytime a man treats me like meat, those feelings come rushing back, stronger than ever. This was one of those times. I am sick of feeling like meat.
This is all that matters now. I know who I am. I really like myself and I have true friends who couldn't care less about my body. My man sees me for who I am. And I am getting to the point where I am making very healthy decisions about my life. I have finally gotten to the point where I respect myself. And I will be respected. I will be apologized to, and I will be treated like the lady that I am. No matter what.
Thank you for sticking around and reading all this...
I hope you've enjoyed my life.
I'll keep you all up to date on what happens next.
Until then, Goodnight.
Blessed be.