The Curse of Randnamgen

from Elemental Forums

In the land of Unueliwrin, there were two factions, one of Men and one of Trog.  They had lived in peace, but a dark prophecy proclaimed an end of times for both nations, if the curse of Randnamgen was not broken. 

Yienaclit, son of Ichirag was King of Ikichaahaa, the last kingdom of men in the land of Unueliwrin.  One day, as he sat with his daughter, Asplahdaha daughter of Leaclukare, Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane entered the chamber with dire news.

"Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane, why do you enter my chambers unanounced!  I sit with my daughter, Asplahdaha daughter of Leaclukare, while I await the birth of my son from my beautiful wife Leaclukare daughter of Yisasharba!  Explain yourself, Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane!"  Said King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag.

"I am Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane, and I come with dread news, King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag and Princess Asplahdaha daughter of Leaclukare, Emperor Tueyaachia, slayer of Narenkohea, master of the Asachrieglu rings come from his fortress in Onuumemo with an army of Trogs demanding to speak to you, King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag!  And he is already at the gates of the city!" Said Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane.

"This is indeed dire news, Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane.  The Prophecy of Randnamgen must becoming to fruition!  Oh Destiney, why do you forsake your King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag, lord of Ikichaahaa in the land of Unueliwrin!  My daughter, Asplahdaha daughter of Leaclukare, you must go to your mother, Leaclukare daughter of Yisasharba,  and keep her calm as the child is born.   Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane, go to the fallen army and tell Emperor Tueyaachia, slayer of Narenkohea, master of the Asachrieglu rings, lord of the Trog fortress in Onuumemo, that I King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag, lord of Ikichaahaa will meet with him."  Said King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag, lord of Ikichaahaa.

Emperor Tueyaachia, slayer of Narenkohea, masterof the Asachrieglu rings, lord of the Trog fortress in Onuumemo enters the chambers of King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag, lord of Ikichaahaa along side Ekraplea son of Caxuethaelo from Naevvegrane.

"I am Emperor Tueyaachia, slayer of Narenkohea, master of the Asachrieglu rings, lord of the Trog fortress in Onuumemo and as He who has the longest, most fucking ridiculous name and title in all the world of Unueliwrin, I am the bearer of the Phophecy of Randnamgen.  And I am here to warn you that if just one more person, place or thing is given another terrible, unpronouncable name, the world will end!" Said  Emperor Tueyaachia, slayer of Narenkohea, master of the Asachrieglu rings, lord of the Trog fortress in Onuumemo.

Just as Emperor Tueyaachia, slayer of Narenkohea, master of the Asachrieglu rings, lord of the Trog fortress in Onuumemo finished speaking, Asplahdaha daughter of Leaclukare rushed back into the room!

"Father, King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag, lord of Ikichaahaa in the land of Unueliwrin, my mother and your wife Leaclukare daughter of Yisasharba has given birth to a son!  She has named him Prince Dekkasaesloo son of King Yienaclit, son of Ichirag, lord of Ikichaahaa in the land of Unueliwrin!"  Proclaimed Asplahdaha daughter of Leaclukare,

KA-FUCKING-BOOM!!!!

10,551 views 9 replies
Reply #1 from Elemental Forums Top

This makes me wonder how people can find you distasteful...  Every single fucking thing I've seen written by you has been a stitch.  And this...  THIS was just plain epic-ly hilarious.  Point aside, I loved this story.  Point taken, I love the point you're making, and I totally agree.

Seriously though, you should formulate all of your gripes in this manner.  Not implying that you have any real problem with this, just assuming like a moron that you do.  But really, you should make stories like this for every idea you have.  By the time you run out of issues with Elemental, you could take all those stories and publish a book of funny shorts.  It's certain to be a bestseller.  I'd sure as hell buy it.

Reply #2 from Elemental Forums Top

Distasteful? I didn't realize people found Lord Xia ever thus. I agree with RikazeMa--you have a sharp sense of wit. Great satirical point :thumbsup: And as usual---ROFL.

Start11 - Customize the Start Menu and Taskbar in Windows 10/11.
Reply #3 from Elemental Forums Top

Thank.  I went into the game and wrote down all those names from one of my saves.  They are real names the random name generator came up with. 

 

I try to be funny, but apparently I rub some people the wrong way.

Reply #4 from Elemental Forums Top

They are real names the random name generator came up with.

No shit? lol--thought you made them up. I either create a name or go with a pronounceable one.

Reply #5 from Elemental Forums Top

On naming children in the lands of Elemental:

"My lord, as you see, I have borne for you another son. What shall we name our beautiful boy on this glorious day?"
"I was thinking: Arooco."
"Um... you gave a lot of thought to that name, my lord?"
"No, not really... how about Rimohah."
"I think other children would laugh at him."
"Okay, then Aharahr?"
"No."
"Tanayusie?"
"No."
"Kiahanar."
"Ehhh... no."
"Enkanoni?"
"Where are you getting these from?"
"Okay, let me click a few more times here... Hey! I got 'Mike', how about that?"
"Too ordinary."
"Anepr... Cirickin... Saxtar... Oxiavalaid..."
"Wait... Stop there... cut the 'Oxia'"
"Okay... Valaid?""
"Now switch the 'i' to another 'a'"
"Valaad?"
"No... wait a minute, I know... Valando!"
"Oh, dearest Arurhirth, how lucky I was they day I married you! Surely someday he shall make a fine union with the heiress to Risoln, Isotuutoz IV.  Then an diplomatic victory will surely be ours!

Reply #6 from Elemental Forums Top

Lord Xia,  very clever story.  i was 1/3 of the way through it before a Huge laugh just ripped out of me, right from my tummy.  Best laugh i've had in over a week!

Reply #7 from Elemental Forums Top

Lord Xia Henrington Albertson Everett Alowishus Genty III of Gloucestershire, that was a most excellent satirical complaint sir. I have arranged for a halo to hover above a number for you in appreciation.

k1

Reply #8 from Elemental Forums Top

but apparently I rub some people the wrong way.

Considering your comments as of late---the above is a interesting play on words :grin: 

 

Reply #9 from Elemental Forums Top

Brilliant!