So. I have breast cancer.

If anyone can beat this, it is you my dear.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Be strong. Get well soon.

I will say a prayer for you.  I know that is weak compared to what is running through your mind.  But you are a winner, and I know you will kick this bug.  You will accept nothing else.

God bless you and all your family.

Thanks B and Dr G.  I'm in the best shape of my life.  Speaking of which....it's kind of morbid...but I was wondering why now, when I've worked out my entire life pretty much, but why NOW I actually have some serious flat abs. 

Seems cancer may be an anti-flab on the belly cure.     I mean seriously. 

Ok, you can't see them here.  Not like I'm gonna lift my shirt..but trust me....diet exercise and cancer, at least for me, for awhile = flat abs.

If you had a daughter, I would think you were substituting pictures!

You will beat it.  You do not know how to fail or quit.

I'm sorry you've run into some health troubles, all of my best wishes for quick recovery. 

I'm so sorry to hear about this Tonya and while I can't even pretend to know what kind of terror is going thru your mind right now, especially with two kids at home, thinking about their well-being, I can offer you some encouragement. 

I have had quite a few friends go thru this and come out just fine.  Not one of them has died. I think they all  say  they're even better for the experience.  I have three woman friends right now going thru it for the second time after being cancer free for many many years and one male friend who has had three diff bouts of cancer and he just turned 70.  It's not the death sentence it used to be.  Your being in great shape physically is going to help you tremendously. 

One of my friends has been clean and clear for 8 years and then all of a sudden (they said it was rare) it came back but it was hidden from sight and she is now in stage 4.  But even then they said they can put it into remission but most likely she'll be on some sort of medication her whole life.  She's being tested for the cancer gene right now because cancer runs deep in her family. 

She was about 50 when it first came on 8 years ago with two kids in Jr High-High School and she prayed that God would let her see her kids grow up.  Of course they did, one is married, the other soon to be.  She's so grateful for that but at 58 she's still young so she's praying that she'll see her grandchildren (she has none yet) because it's always a scary time when you receive this diagnosis. 

Every single one of them had their faith grow as a result.  In the middle of pain and suffering it can be difficult to believe that God knows exactly what he's doing.  So often it's easy just to despair and think he's abandoned us, but we must remember that God keeps his promise that all things work together for the good of His children (Rom 8:28) even when things seem to grow dark for us we must remember that He's still there. 

Will pray for strength, peace and encouragement for you as you fight this battle and it will be a battle.  Stay positive. 

Thanks KFC.  You are such a sweetheart.

I went today for some pre-op tests...woo hoo.  Nothin like taking your shirt off in front of strangers....

Strangely, I don't feel forsaken by God because of this.  Right now, I don't feel much of anything.  I'm a bit on overload.  We buried Aunt Shelby (who raised me and was the only mother I really knew) Thursday after dying from lung cancer.  She lived 5 years and they gave her 6 months, told her that was BEST CASE.  She took chemo for five years.....

I was right by her side when she died, holding on to her.  I'm thankful I was able to be there, and that she didn't have to worry about this.

God didn't cure her.  And He's likely not going to cure me.  And I'm good with that. 

I'd hate to leave my boys, half grown and without a mother.  Especially Gavin.  He needs so MUCH extra and he's only 7.  He wouldn't even remember me. 

But it is what it is.  Mothers die everyday.  Millions before me, and millions after.  My kids have a fantastic dad, so they're already ahead of the game if something happens.

It does kinda suck though, I'll be honest, to have to plan in more detail exactly what I would like to happen (to my organs, personal stuff, etc) if I happen to stroke out on the operating table or something.

My poor husband.  He got SO jipped.

Thanks Anthony, I really appreciate that.

Tova,

Life is precious.

Keep being optimistic hoping and trusting in Our Lord.

I'll pray for you and your family.

My brother sent me this prayer before an operation.

Father, as I face this operation, I come to You with my fears and misgivings and ask You to put into my heart the needed courage to face the day with unwavering confidence in Your Goodness and protection. May the knowledge that You do not sleep while I am in a deep sleep, be an assurance to me that I need not worry nor be afraid. Calm my nerves, put my mind at ease, and in Your mercy, forgive me all my sins.

Give to the surgeon a steady hand and the skill to do his task with ease and perfection. Give to my loved ones the reassuring faith that You are with us, the Keeper of my body and Lover of my soul. Calm all their anxieties during the coming hours of my operation.

Into Your hands I entrust my well-being. All this I ask, Father, in the Name of Jesus and through the merits of His Most Precious Blood.  Amen.

I'm not really into praying like KFC is, seeing as I'm agnostic, but I'll definitely keep you in my thoughts. I wish you and your family the best. Go kick that cancer's butt.

~Lucas

What a wonderful prayer Lula.  He must be a special brother to send you such a nice prayer like that.  Consider yourself blessed in the brother dept.  :) 

Tova, I'll keep you in my prayers.   Continue to exercise.  From all the research that I've read is that exercise increases the heart rate (no, the research didn't have to show that) which gets more blood cells out there.  This helps the body fought illnesses off.  Women tend to have more white blood cells as well so exercising has been shown to increase all of that.  You just don't want to over do it.

Keep the high out look on life.  If you think about it being miserable gets you no where.

Gosh Tonya, I wish it weren't true. I have faith that you will beat this.

Today though? We've done the Komen Race for a Cure for the last few years. I've been making the coporate banners today so I have been randomly searching the web for ideas. I've been deep into the subject. This was not what I was expecting when I popped into JU.

This weekend I am walking for you... for a cure.

Thanks, and don't worry about the exercising it's been a lifelong thing except for 4 short years when I literally couldn't drum up the energy (later found out my thyroid was broken).

When I went for my EKG today the tech told me that I should try to gain a little weight.  Not because I'm underweight or anything.  But she said the chemo made her so sick she couldn't eat....so she was thankful she started with "a few extra pounds."  I won't intentionally gain weight unless I read something that recommends it.

Thanks Lucas.  I don't envy you the belief because I can take such comfort in mine.  And if I had to make a top three list of why faith is important, comfort would probably be one of them.

Yes it is.  Thank you Lula. 

That's awesome John, thanks.  Honestly I've never really been into the whole breast cancer awareness thing.  Isn't that ironic?  I kinda always felt it received too much attention because it is about boobs, compared to the other cancers which seemed to be eating my family alive.  I even read a couple studies that said mammograms are fairly useless and used those as rationale NOT to get one at 40.

Didn't really matter for me in the end.  This cancer STILL doesn't show up on mammo, but it is big as day on the ultra sound.  I found the lump in the shower.

Hoping to find out the stage Monday tho.  The lower the number, the better. 

I am truly sorry to read this. I wish you the best possible outcome.

my sister and a woman with whom i was very close were both discovered to have breast cancer within a few weeks of each other early in 2006.  my sister was the luckier of the two (no radiation or chemo necessary) but both are healthy and show no further sign of malignancies. 

i fervently hope things will work out as well for you.

it seems as tho that's how most cancers are found.  Can't tell you how many times I've heard woman go for their yearly mammos and ended up finding a lump months later including my friend with the stage 4 breast cancer.  She said it was so far back they couldn't see it.   I have never had a mammo and don't plan on getting one anytime soon.  I'm very suspicious of all these tests without reason. 

One of my other friends who is ok now but is also a breast cancer survivor said she met all the "markers" that are usually associated with breast cancer, having children later in life, being on birth control for a long time, eating lots of grilled blackened food (who doesn't grill?)  and I think there was at least one other one she told me.  

I was actually thinking this too Tonya.  My girlfriend that is going on her second bout (talked with her on Monday) said she just lost 20 lbs in just a couple of weeks.  She was on the heavy side but she said it wasn't the way to go.  Her problem is she's nauseous because of the meds.  She also has an aggressive cancer but they are expecting to put her in remission.   You may go thru a time when food doesn't taste so good (which is normal during this time)  and you will naturally lose weight..so I'd try to gain a few pounds too if I were you while food taste good now. 

I also found out that sugar is a no no because it feeds most cancers.  Red grapes are supposed to be really good tho and one cancer survivor friend of mine was eating them like crazy after hearing that and is completely healed today. 

Heartbreaking to read that headline, Tova.  Your courage and sense of humor in the face of this news (that smile!) are at the same time heartwarming.  Having been dealt a tough opening hand, may you be blessed with better luck as the cards play out.

Thanks KB.  Those stories are always good to hear, or read....

Thank you Mason.  I appreciate the best wishes.

Yeah that "marker" list is pretty long now KFC.  Strangely, I don't hit very many of them.  In fact, if you look at the paperwork and history, I "shouldn't" have it at all. 

I just read the sugar thing yesterday.  And all I can say about that is this:  you know how Kroger has the store brand oreo cookies right next to the Nabisco Double Stuff?

Well, life imo is kinda like those cookies.  You can have three packs of the oh-so-boring-and-not-good store brand (don't eat this, don't do that) for the same price, or one divine pack of the real thing (be sensible, but go for the real deal).

Guess which one I choose? 

Thanks D.  I'm reading, learning a lot as I go.  Hope to make some of my own luck.  One thing about BC.  The information is fairly consistent across the board.  Not so other types of health problems in my experience.

I don't want to become one of those women who defines her life by having breast cancer (or any illness for that matter).  Right now, unfortunately, it does consume my day because I have so much to learn.  But once the learning is done, I plan to compartmentalize this to the "my health" box and continue on with living.

In fact, I think we should make a rule in our house.  No BC talk after 5pm during the week, and not at all on the weekends.  yup.

Unfortunately for JU, I will likely be back to blogging here, and blogging mostly about this....I blog about life events, and well...right now, this is it.  So sorry in advance JU...but then, people can just skip me can't they?

That is an asset to JU and to all of us.  We are all hoping and praying for the best possible outcome, and appreciate that you can allow us to share in your progress.

Your writing style is excellent and always a joy to read.

sounds quite reasonable to me because I have the same theory...who wants the fakearoos when you can have the real stuff?  But for now you may want to stick with the real grapes instead of the real oreos!!  

good because it will give our little prayer group here something specific to pray about...I don't think I have to tell you how many answers to prayer we've had here.