The Face of a Modern Pirate
Someone Stole My Eyepatch
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
This may not be the most grammatically correct bit of writing out there; but, so be it. It's a rant.... an explosion of brain synapses... an amalgation of thoughts. I'm not Hemingway; nor, do I intend to portray myself as anything near.
pi·rate (n.)
1. One who robs at sea or plunders the land from the sea without commission from a sovereign nation.
2. A ship used for this purpose.
3. One who preys on others; a plunderer.
4. One who makes use of or reproduces the work of another without authorization.
5. One that operates an unlicensed, illegal television or radio station.
That is who I am. According to the MPAA(Motion Picture Artists Association) and the RIAA (Recording Industry Artists Association), I am the heinous individual described in #4 above.
Let's take a look at the facts:
1) Number of DVD's I currently own--170 (at an average of $14.99 + tax each that comes to $2701.20); although a great number of them were purchased at pawn shops and resale stores. Note to the MPAA.. your artists, directors, gaffers, best boys, producers, cinematographers, etc etc got NO INCOME whatsoever from the sales in those pawn shops and resale shops. Why aren't you out shutting THEM down?
How many of those dvd's I downloaded BEFORE I went out and shelled out my hard-earned money? All of 'em.. times 4 or 5. What happened to the rest? They were unwatchable crap movies shoved out and down the throats of the unsuspecting public... so.. were deleted before the ending credits were rolling. I could list the movies that I watched this year that were horrid but I don't think you'd like to be scrolling down this page for a week and a half.
2) 2 tickets each week to local movie theater in an effort to entertain my bitchy, cranky, opinionated, affectionate, loving and very pregnant fiance-- (98 tickets @ $7.00/each plus all the popcorn, pop, candy, etc-- right around $1400) and this isn't even including all the times I hauled out my brood of five brats to see a movie. How many of those movies were worth paying to see? Two or three.
My New Year's Resolution THIS New Years is going to be to wait that extra month until the latest "Academy Award Hopeful" movie appears at my local $2 movie theater.
Can we get a refund if we go to a movie and it's complete shit? Not on your life buddy. Can I go slap my local movie reviewer for sending me to a horrid movie after they said it was a "must see"?? Nope.. not legal yet. What kind of regress do we have? None? Not on your life buddy. Those 3 movies we went to see that were great were downloaded the week before and watched in the comfort of my living room. So, why did we go see 'em at the theater after we'd already "pirated" them and watched 'em for free at home? Try watching Star Wars on a 60 FOOT IMAX screen and then go home and watch it on the Trinitron. No substitute.. period.
3) Number of video games I own? Gawd... where to start? I haven't counted them in ages; but, I'd guestimate at around 300 (more than likely more. There's 2 full soft-cases full of 'em plus stacks of discs everywhere. At 29.99 to 59.99 each-- do the math.. it ends up being around 13 THOUSAND dollars. True.. that's spread out over 10 years or so of active gaming.. but that's STILL a helluva chunk of money. How many did I download/borrow (read "pirate") before I went out and shelled out my hard-earned money. All but one. What's that one? Rollercoaster Tycoon 3. I bought it the first day it was out based on the strength of it's previous two incarnations. Boy did I get royally screwed. Buggiest piece of shit game that's ever been boxed up. It's got probably 2 or 3 more months of active work to be done to it before it's ready to be foisted on the unsuspecting public. Lesson learned.. I'll NEVER buy another game before I download a fully functional complete working copy.
Note to video game designers/programmers and publishers-- Quit shoving bug-laded, crap software down our throats and we'll be buying SimCity 79000 20 years from now and won't even CARE that it's a theme that's been done 95 times before and 10 times better.
4) Music cd's I own.. 318. At around 10 bucks a pop.. that's nearly $3200. How many of them did I download and listen to every track on before I bought 'em.? All of 'em. How many shit cd's did I delete and never listen to again? Probably 20 times that number.
A few years back, I had to laugh when the "heavy metal" (turned corporate bj-artists) Metallica fought so hard to shut down Napster. Napster didn't kill their cd sales.. THEY did. Load and REload (should have been gurgitate and REgurgitate) SUCKED. And the little guy like me is STILL kicking them in the family jewels. Case in point: Their last tour, I won four FRONT ROW tickets to go see them at a local venue. What did I do with the tickets? Traded them to some poor, unsuspecting meathead for TWO tickets to see my fave group Disturbed. He thought HE ripped ME off. Then, he goes out and buys two more tickets to the Disturbed concert and was pissed afterwards cuz he got shafted by Metallica.
Note to musicians/music artists-- quit shoving shit down our throats and the sales will come back; and you'll be able to buy your gold plated Ferrari or that 3rd Hummer that you use just for driving to get a tommy burger.
How do other things I've bought stack up?
My car. Yep.. got to test drive it for a full week before I signed on the dotted line. Even then, if I found out 3 weeks later that it was a piece of crap I could invoke my state's lemon law and return it no questions asked.
My home. Yep. Lived in it for 6 weeks before we finally closed. If it was termite infested and had a roof that leaked during a torrential downpour.. I could move out and into a better home... no questions asked.
Hell.. I can even wear my new shoes around the store for 5 minutes or so to make sure they're not going to destroy my arches.
So.. what DO I look like? I'm the guy next door. The one who cheerfully goes to work every day.. making the money to take care of home and hearth.. to buy the toys that make his kids smile. The one who dotes on his beautiful fiance and loves to keep her smiling and well-entertained. I'm, also, a working stiff who busts his ass for his paycheck and hates getting shafted in the marketplace with absolutely no recourse.
I can, also, write code well enough to produce my own game hacks. I'm a skilled network engineer that can defeat any of your "check in with the website" protection schemes... and... I can copy ANYTHING that can be put on a cd or dvd.
So.. you may ask yourself.. "If you can get all this for nothing.. why pay for it after you HAVE downloaded a "pirated" copy?" True.. there are many many many malcontents out there who just want to get free shit all the time and pay for nothing. I've been sorely tempted at times too. I exist in a small (yet growing) elite community of collectors. Be it games, software, dvd's, music or whatever... any ol' chump can buy a computer, get a dsl or cable line, learn the in's and out's of usenet, irc and file-sharing and literally suck the internet dry. We are not those guys. Call it vanity, ego, hubris even.. but it's NOT about the copies... and it's not about how much we can get for free. Our bragging rights lie in who has the biggest RETAIL collection. It's like the difference between having a shelf full of model cars.. and a garage full of the real thing.
We are, also, the guy next to you in the aisle at Best Buy, Circuit City, Wal-Mart or wherever telling you to steer clear of that game for a few months until the patches and updates come out. We're the guy in the music aisle telling you that that new Celine Dion cd has only one listenable track on it. We already played it, we already watched it, we already listened to it.
Thus endeth the rant.
pi·rate (n.)
1. One who robs at sea or plunders the land from the sea without commission from a sovereign nation.
2. A ship used for this purpose.
3. One who preys on others; a plunderer.
4. One who makes use of or reproduces the work of another without authorization.
5. One that operates an unlicensed, illegal television or radio station.
That is who I am. According to the MPAA(Motion Picture Artists Association) and the RIAA (Recording Industry Artists Association), I am the heinous individual described in #4 above.
Let's take a look at the facts:
1) Number of DVD's I currently own--170 (at an average of $14.99 + tax each that comes to $2701.20); although a great number of them were purchased at pawn shops and resale stores. Note to the MPAA.. your artists, directors, gaffers, best boys, producers, cinematographers, etc etc got NO INCOME whatsoever from the sales in those pawn shops and resale shops. Why aren't you out shutting THEM down?
How many of those dvd's I downloaded BEFORE I went out and shelled out my hard-earned money? All of 'em.. times 4 or 5. What happened to the rest? They were unwatchable crap movies shoved out and down the throats of the unsuspecting public... so.. were deleted before the ending credits were rolling. I could list the movies that I watched this year that were horrid but I don't think you'd like to be scrolling down this page for a week and a half.
2) 2 tickets each week to local movie theater in an effort to entertain my bitchy, cranky, opinionated, affectionate, loving and very pregnant fiance-- (98 tickets @ $7.00/each plus all the popcorn, pop, candy, etc-- right around $1400) and this isn't even including all the times I hauled out my brood of five brats to see a movie. How many of those movies were worth paying to see? Two or three.
My New Year's Resolution THIS New Years is going to be to wait that extra month until the latest "Academy Award Hopeful" movie appears at my local $2 movie theater.
Can we get a refund if we go to a movie and it's complete shit? Not on your life buddy. Can I go slap my local movie reviewer for sending me to a horrid movie after they said it was a "must see"?? Nope.. not legal yet. What kind of regress do we have? None? Not on your life buddy. Those 3 movies we went to see that were great were downloaded the week before and watched in the comfort of my living room. So, why did we go see 'em at the theater after we'd already "pirated" them and watched 'em for free at home? Try watching Star Wars on a 60 FOOT IMAX screen and then go home and watch it on the Trinitron. No substitute.. period.
3) Number of video games I own? Gawd... where to start? I haven't counted them in ages; but, I'd guestimate at around 300 (more than likely more. There's 2 full soft-cases full of 'em plus stacks of discs everywhere. At 29.99 to 59.99 each-- do the math.. it ends up being around 13 THOUSAND dollars. True.. that's spread out over 10 years or so of active gaming.. but that's STILL a helluva chunk of money. How many did I download/borrow (read "pirate") before I went out and shelled out my hard-earned money. All but one. What's that one? Rollercoaster Tycoon 3. I bought it the first day it was out based on the strength of it's previous two incarnations. Boy did I get royally screwed. Buggiest piece of shit game that's ever been boxed up. It's got probably 2 or 3 more months of active work to be done to it before it's ready to be foisted on the unsuspecting public. Lesson learned.. I'll NEVER buy another game before I download a fully functional complete working copy.
Note to video game designers/programmers and publishers-- Quit shoving bug-laded, crap software down our throats and we'll be buying SimCity 79000 20 years from now and won't even CARE that it's a theme that's been done 95 times before and 10 times better.
4) Music cd's I own.. 318. At around 10 bucks a pop.. that's nearly $3200. How many of them did I download and listen to every track on before I bought 'em.? All of 'em. How many shit cd's did I delete and never listen to again? Probably 20 times that number.
A few years back, I had to laugh when the "heavy metal" (turned corporate bj-artists) Metallica fought so hard to shut down Napster. Napster didn't kill their cd sales.. THEY did. Load and REload (should have been gurgitate and REgurgitate) SUCKED. And the little guy like me is STILL kicking them in the family jewels. Case in point: Their last tour, I won four FRONT ROW tickets to go see them at a local venue. What did I do with the tickets? Traded them to some poor, unsuspecting meathead for TWO tickets to see my fave group Disturbed. He thought HE ripped ME off. Then, he goes out and buys two more tickets to the Disturbed concert and was pissed afterwards cuz he got shafted by Metallica.
Note to musicians/music artists-- quit shoving shit down our throats and the sales will come back; and you'll be able to buy your gold plated Ferrari or that 3rd Hummer that you use just for driving to get a tommy burger.
How do other things I've bought stack up?
My car. Yep.. got to test drive it for a full week before I signed on the dotted line. Even then, if I found out 3 weeks later that it was a piece of crap I could invoke my state's lemon law and return it no questions asked.
My home. Yep. Lived in it for 6 weeks before we finally closed. If it was termite infested and had a roof that leaked during a torrential downpour.. I could move out and into a better home... no questions asked.
Hell.. I can even wear my new shoes around the store for 5 minutes or so to make sure they're not going to destroy my arches.
So.. what DO I look like? I'm the guy next door. The one who cheerfully goes to work every day.. making the money to take care of home and hearth.. to buy the toys that make his kids smile. The one who dotes on his beautiful fiance and loves to keep her smiling and well-entertained. I'm, also, a working stiff who busts his ass for his paycheck and hates getting shafted in the marketplace with absolutely no recourse.
I can, also, write code well enough to produce my own game hacks. I'm a skilled network engineer that can defeat any of your "check in with the website" protection schemes... and... I can copy ANYTHING that can be put on a cd or dvd.
So.. you may ask yourself.. "If you can get all this for nothing.. why pay for it after you HAVE downloaded a "pirated" copy?" True.. there are many many many malcontents out there who just want to get free shit all the time and pay for nothing. I've been sorely tempted at times too. I exist in a small (yet growing) elite community of collectors. Be it games, software, dvd's, music or whatever... any ol' chump can buy a computer, get a dsl or cable line, learn the in's and out's of usenet, irc and file-sharing and literally suck the internet dry. We are not those guys. Call it vanity, ego, hubris even.. but it's NOT about the copies... and it's not about how much we can get for free. Our bragging rights lie in who has the biggest RETAIL collection. It's like the difference between having a shelf full of model cars.. and a garage full of the real thing.
We are, also, the guy next to you in the aisle at Best Buy, Circuit City, Wal-Mart or wherever telling you to steer clear of that game for a few months until the patches and updates come out. We're the guy in the music aisle telling you that that new Celine Dion cd has only one listenable track on it. We already played it, we already watched it, we already listened to it.
Thus endeth the rant.