About the word fuck
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language
Today is the word
“fuck”.
It is the one magical word which, just by it’s sound , can describe pain, pleasure,
Love, and hate.
“Fuck” falls into many grammatical categories.
It can be used as a verb,
both transitive
{ John fucked Mary }
and intransitive
{ Mary was fucked by John } .
It can be used an action verb
{ John really gives a fuck },
a passive verb
{ Mary really doesn’t give a fuck },
an adverb
{ Mary is fucking interested in John },
Or as a noun
{ Mary is fucking beautiful }
or an interjection
{ Fuck ! I’m late for My date with Mary }.
It can even be used as a conjunction
{ Mary is easy, fuck she’s also stupid }.
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word
“Fuck”.
More fucking uses for the word “fuck”:
* Greetings “How the fuck are you?”
* Fraud “I got fucked by the car dealer.”
* Resignation “Oh, fuck it!”
* Trouble “I guess I’m fucked now.”
* Aggression “FUCK YOU!”
* Disgust “fuck me.”
* Confusion “What the fuck…..?”
* Difficulty “I don’t understand this fucking business!”
* Despair “Fucked again…”
* Pleasure “I fucking couldn’t be happier.”
* Displeasure “What the fuck is going on here?”
* Lost “Where the fuck are we.”
* Disbelief “UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!”
* Retaliation “up your fucking ass!”
* Denial “I didn’t fucking do it.”
* Perplexity “I know the fuck all about it.”
* Apathy “Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?”
* Greetings “How the fuck are ya?”
* Suspicion “Who the fuck are you?”
* Panic “Lets get the fuck out of here!”
* Directions “Fuck off.”
* Disbelief “How the fuck did you do that?”
* Anatomical Description “ he’s a fucking asshole!”
* Tell the time “It’s five fucking thirty.”
* In business “ How did I wind up with this fucking job?”
* Maternal “Mother fucker.”
* Political “Fuck Dan Quayle!”
Famous “fucks in throughout history…..
* Mayor of Hiroshima - “What the fuck was that?”
* Captain of the titanic - “Where the fuck is all this water coming from?”
* John Lennon - “That’s not a real fucking gun.”
* Richard Nixon - “Who’s gonna fucking find out?”
* Anne Boleyn - “Heads are going to fucking roll”
* Commander of Space Shuttle - “Let the fucking woman drive.”
* Commander of Space Shuttle Again - “Oh fuck I blew up another one”
* “Challenger”, Mark Thatcher - “What fucking map”
* Albert Einstein - “Any fucking idiot could understand that ”
* Picasso - “it does so fucking look like her!”
* Pythagoras - “How the fuck did you work that out?”
* Michael Angelo - “You want what on the fucking ceiling?”
* Walt Disney - Fuck a duck.”
* Edmund Hilary - Why?- Because its fucking there!”
* Joan of Arc - “I don’t suppose its gonna fucking rain?”
* Noah - “Scattered fucking showers my ass!”
* - “Oh well fuck it all.”
Well this is the fucking end. Have a nice fucking day, Fuck someone..
An expression of contempt.
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Woo Hoo I won ! oh wait, I wasn't trying to win..
Baby Talk
Two babies were sat in their cribs, when one baby shouted out to the other,
“Are you a little girl or a little boy?”
“I don’t know, “replied the other baby giggling.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Said the first baby.
“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference, “Was the reply.
“Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling. “I’ll climb into your crib
And find out.”
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other’s babies crib, then quickly
Disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a few seconds he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.
“You’re ever so clever,” cooed the baby girl, “But how can you tell?”
“It’s quite easy really.” Replied the boy, “You’ve got pink booties
And I’ve got blue ones.’
Now Shame On You What Were You Thinking?????
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1 }On Sears hairdryer:
“ Do not use while sleeping.”
( Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair )
2} On a bag of Fritos:
“ You could be a winner ! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
( Evidently , the shoplifter special )
3} On a bar of Dial soap:
“ Directions: Use like regular soap. “
( And that would be how . . . ? )
4}On some Swanson frozen dinners :
“ Serving suggestions : Defrost.”
( But it’s *just* a suggestion )
5} On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert : ( printed on the bottom of the box ):
“ Do not turn upside down.”
( Oops, too late ! )
6} On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding :
“ Product will be hot after heating .”
( As night follows the day ….)
7} On the packaging for a Rowenta Iron :
“ Do not iron clothes on body.”
( But wouldn’t this save even more time ? )
8} On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine :
“ Do not drive a car or operate Machinery after taking this Medication.”
( We could do a lot to reduce the rate of accidents if we could just get
Those 5-year-olds with head colds out from behind the wheel ..)
9} On Nytol Sleep Aid : The Pharmacist love this one…
“ Warning : May cause drowsiness .”
( One would hope )
10} On most brands of Christmas Lights :
“ For indoor or outdoor use ONLY .”
( As opposed to what ? )
11} On a Japanese food Processor :
“ Not to be used for the other use .”
( I gotta admit , I’m curious. )
12} On Simsbury’s Peanuts :
“ Warning : Contains nuts.”
( NEWS FLASH )
13} On an American Airlines packet of Nuts :
“ Instructions : open packet, eat nuts.”
( Step 3 : Fly Delta . )
14} On a child’s Superman Costume :
“ Wearing of this garment dose not enable you to fly.”
( I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one )
15] On a Swedish Chain Saw :
“ Do not attempt to stop the chain with your hands or genitals.”
( Was there a chance of this happening somewhere ? .. Good grief )
16} On a bottle of Palmolive Dish-washing Liquid :
“ Do not use on food .”
( Hey, Mom, we’re out of syrup, It’s ok honey just grab the Palmolive ! )
17} On a Bottle of ALL Laundry Detergent :
“ Remove clothing before distributing in the Washing machine .”
( Hey kids , no more swimming in the washing machine )
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