Time for Some Funnies
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(I live in terror that one day I someone is going to post my picture on People of Walmart).
....why burning your garbage has been outlawed in most towns around here.
.why burning your garbage has been outlawed in most towns around here.
<----for the video!!!
ROTFL @ garbage fail and beyonce clown. Thanks for the laughs. 
I actually did the garbage thing, only it was a brushfire in my backyard. I used gas on a hot summer day. The neighborhood started calling me Boom Boom Jim. My wife thought I was dead. It happened at night and she couldn't see me because the corn in our garden was too tall. I didn't hear her yelling for me because I couldn't hear.
My inlaws across the street said they thought a car had hit their house!! I no longer use gas to burn brush! 
Beyonce was hilarious!!!
(I live in terror that one day I someone is going to post my picture on People of Walmart).
I think we need to have a contest where we actually take pics of ourselves at Walmart and submit them to see who can get the $100 prize first. How ridiculous would you be willing to look for a $100????
Quoting PoSmedley, reply 12
(I live in terror that one day I someone is going to post my picture on People of Walmart).
I think we need to have a contest where we actually take pics of ourselves at Walmart and submit them to see who can get the $100 prize first. How ridiculous would you be willing to look for a $100????
These days? I could probably live with myself looking pretty effin' ridiculous -- plus I only shop at Wal-Mart after midnight; there's less of a variety of items to pick from, and you have to put up with the racket of the floor buffer, but there's never a screaming baby, and it's never crowded...most of the other patrons are high (at least my husband assures me they are -- I can't tell the difference between when somebody is high, overtired or just plain stupid). After midnight it's MY Wal-Mart.
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason took my order first.
"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He
said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can
order for herself."
And then the fight
started...
there was some other good ones in that email too Jafo
steals my pics from Saturday Night Funnies 
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She was my senior year girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
steals my pics from Saturday Night Funnies
Actually from an email I got today.... 
Ten again
A man said to his wife, "what would you most like for your birthday"
She replied, "I'd love to be Ten again".
On the morning of her birthday, he gets her up bright and early and off they go to a theme Park.Every ride in the Park, he puts her on it.The Death Slide, The Screaming loop, The Wall of Fear,everything there is she has a ride. She staggers out of the theme park five hours later, her head is reeling and her stomach upside down. Into MacDonald's they go, where she's given a Double Big Mac with extra fries. Then off to cinema to see Star Wars, more burgers, popcorn, Cola and sweets.
At last she staggers home with her husband and collapses in to bed. Husband leans over and says, "Well dear what was it like being ten again? "
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, I meant dress size!"
Three Men
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
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