There was evening, there was morning...

from JoeUser Forums

With palms together,

Good Morning Everyone.

 

Yesterday was a challenging day.  My friend Ken, had taken a serious turn for the worse and was placed in the Hospice center here in town. Then early in the morning we got a call that he was near death.  So, Judy went to his wife's side and I was assigned the various tasks of contacting the rabbi, contacting the burial committee at the Temple, and picking up their dog to bring to our house so there would be no worry. From there to Hospice.

 

We spent the day with him. He was not present. 

 

Like a deathwatch,  we sat counting his breaths  and the spaces between his breaths.

I sat at his feet, hands in cosmic mudra, practicing zazen. I noticed that as the spaces widened, the expectation that there would be no in-breath rose, Those in the room talked about this man who was husband and friend.  We held his hand, rubbed his shoulder, and listened. He died early last night.

 

This morning the sun is rising over the mountains and I sip my coffee as I sit with you here at the computer. Nothing has changed; everything has changed. Life is like that.

 

 

May you be a blessing in the universe.

religion
2,956 views 5 replies
Reply #1 from Stardock Forums Top

So sorry to hear of your loss Sodaiho.  A good friend is always there to the end.  I have yet to have a good friend die yet and I dread that day of separation. 

 

 

Reply #2 from Stardock Forums Top

Thank you KFC,

We just returned from the mortuary with Deana, his wife.  We helpd her through the arrangments. And will hold a service at the Temple tomorrow afternoon.  We begin shiva on Saturday night. Start lighting Hanukah candles on Sunday night. Goodness.

 

Its far too early to say how Ken's death will affect us.  I know it will slightly change the dinner dynamics.  We always had three couples at the table.  Now it will be two couples and a widow.  Over the last year or so, Ken had withdrawn from much, but still attended our small "Breakfast with the Boys" on Thursday morning.  He also came to services every once in awhile. But he had a lot of trouble with God and organized religion.  It was like he was neurotic about these things: wanting involvement, wanting to believe, but resisting all the while. There was something very closed about him.  His mother hung herself when he was a small boy.  His father shipped him out to various homes.  Still, he managed to get a Ph.D. and have a long professional life in service to others.  But he could not allow himself to be happy.  It was a struggle to be his friend over these last 15 years.  Given the physical and emotional pain he was in, I am relieved both for him and his wife that he passed away.

 

Because I am so involved with the faith community here (I am on the Temple Board, the Worship Committee, the Social Action Committee, head of the Adult Education Committee, and part of the Hevra Kadisha (Burial Committee) a group of four men who wash and prepare the body for burial, its hard not to be with friends as they suffer and pass. On the other hand, it clearly helps to underscore the truth of life. Its a Jewish obligation to visit the sick and nurture the bereaved.

May you be a blessing.

 

 

 

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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

It was like he was neurotic about these things: wanting involvement, wanting to believe, but resisting all the while. There was something very closed about him.

This reminds me of someone we went to visit in the hospital before he died.   He was a lapsed Catholic who was fed up with religion as well.  My husband asked him if he'd like to accept Christ before he died and with tears streaming down his face he said "no thank you."  He died three days later.  Of course at his memorial service at a very religious but dead church he was eulogized as being in heaven with God.  How can that be?  He just rejected God three days before? 

There's a really good book I read a few years ago called "Case For Faith" by Lee Strobel.  In that book there was a story about a man named Charles Templeton who was a best friend of Billy Graham.  In fact the two were on the preaching circuit in the early days together.  Templeton was the more gifted preacher and Graham followed him.  One night Templeton told Graham that he no longer believed in God.  He was preaching empty words but really didn't believe.  Graham came to a crises of faith.  He almost left the ministry as well.  If this guy didn't believe and he was so gifted what was he thinking?  He got on his knees one night I think in a park and totally gave himself to God, if he were really there, and never looked back.  God blessed and used Graham in a mighty way as a result of this faith that stayed strong. 

Years later just before Templeton died Strobel interviewed him for this book.  He too had tears streaming down his face telling how he couldn't believe in God but oh how he missed Christ. 

I just don't get it.

Reply #4 from Stardock Forums Top

Thank God he had you for a friend,  doing the errands that needed doing,  the dog....and sitting with him..what a blessing...to have just one special friend is indeed a blessing.  Sorry for your loss of this friend,  I pray you find peace in the Universe,  however I"m sure you will,  you seem to walk with it. Love and peace to you.

 

Reply #5 from Stardock Forums Top

Years later just before Templeton died Strobel interviewed him for this book. He too had tears streaming down his face telling how he couldn't believe in God but oh how he missed Christ.
I just don't get it.

 

Revealed religions are a serious challenge, I think, to very smart people who have great faith in reason and rationality. The feeling side of faith just isn't enough to carry the day and the rational side says the stories we are asked to believe just don't make sense. 

I think seriously spiritual people intuit this and strive to go deeper.  They are often willing to let go of reason or at least allow themselves to experience without the impediment of thought.

Yet, sometimes people think "if it doesn't make sense, its not true" when the ability to "make sense" is actually multidimensional.  Like different types of intelligence, Making sense can be emotional, intuitive, artistic, or musical. I think we can come to faith differently.  Those who can get out of their heads are able to experience the Infinite, those who are not, are not.

My friend Ken was someone who just could not get out of his rational head.

Be well.

Oh, and thank you Trudy.