Twilight-Sucked

from JoeUser Forums

For a dead-on review (pun intended) go here...

http://screenrant.com/twilight-review-vic-4325/

However, this "review" is more about my TWILIGHT experience.  :rolleyes:

Stephanie Meyer wrote a 4 book vampire series and this is the first book made movie.

I read the series and while its a bit tame, the main character, a 17 year old virgin named Bella is like-able (for awhile anyway).  She of course falls in love with a vampire (Edward) and in later books a Werewolf (Jacob) too.

The movie sucked rocks.  :thumbsdown:

Why?  Oh let me count the ways.

1*  Remember the good ol days?  When actors were so committed to their craft, they actually cut their hair and even dyed it for the part?  Well, pfft, not this movie.  The wigs were some of the worst I have EVER seen on screen.  And when they weren't in ugly generic 1990's wigs, the hair was liberally doused with baby powder.  I kept waiting for a snow fall every time certain actors moved on screen.  Or a dust cloud, something, ANYTHING to give it some umph.

2*  The male lead, Edward.  What a wuss.  His hair weighs more than he does (but at least it wasn't powdered).  Is this the type of guy who appeals to teen girls (who the movie is obviously directed toward)?  Seriously, he was a male waif.  You could see his BONES he was so skinny and puny.  Everytime he got near the lead female I thought, pfft, she'll snap you like a twig waif boy.

3*  And the corniness.  I just can't say enough about the corny-ness.  "Bella you are my life now."  Says the powdered face scarecrow to the cow.

There was a guy a seat down from me.  He got up three times and left his date sitting there.  He was gone for about fifteen minutes each time.  GUYS THIS IS NOT A MOVIE YOU WILL ENJOY!  DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO AVOID IT!

I felt bad for him, especially since he was the only guy I saw in the entire theater.  The movie was such a joke, his coming and going was more noteworthy than the lousy effects or even the powdered hair.

There were women of all ages, probably because this was supposed to be an epic love story.  Some as young as SIX.  Some wore shirts that said, "Team Jacob" (the werewolf) or "Team Edward"(the vamp) heh.  They were so excited.

Most came in groups.  I went because occasionally I like to see a good romance on screen.  Once every few years I will go see one.  The last one I intentionally saw was Titanic, and I thought it was just right with the cinematography stealing the show and the romance taking a back seat.  And even though the characters were younger than me, I could still identify with the angsty teen love thing enough to feel bad for them.

So I wasn't surprised to see girlfriends show up together.  One such trio sat right in front of me.  By the time we were 3/4 of the way through the movie, I was laughing out loud and snorting at the too corny effects and hoaky lines.  I wasn't really doing it consciously but toward the end it was too much.   I couldn't keep it bottled up.  I kept expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out and Punk me, then start the real show.

I even muttered, "Oh please.  This movie sucks."  And the guy sitting a seat down from me grunted in agreement.

However, not everyone appreciated my perspective.  If looks could kill, a ghost would be writing this.  Or maybe a vampire, though if being a vampire means a bad wig or powder in my hair, well, PASS.

4*  What I learned from this experience?  Leave the fluffy male waif and powdered hair supernatural world to the teeny boppers.

Bring on the UNDERWORLD. 

 

 

 

 

entertainment
23,465 views 25 replies
Reply #1 from Stardock Forums Top

:fuzzy:  

Reply #2 from Stardock Forums Top

I read the first three.  Then I read spoilers for the fourth and was heartily grateful I did.

I had my doubts about this movie as soon as I heard about it.  What waxes as kind of poetic romance in a novel would never come across as anything but drivel in a movie. Meyers really hit that peculiar note of the kind of uber-boyfriend I think all (most?) of us really wanted as teens--the mysterious bad-boy who softens just for the heroine and is devoted beyond his own convenience.  Hmmm... maybe that is just me but I talk to a lot of women who had that ideal.  With a book, the reader can insert a whole lot more of her own hopes or memories than with a movie. It's easier to romanticize what one reads compared to what one sees.  It's just a limit of the movie format.

To be honest, the third book really bugged me.  I didn't know that it would, but Bella just got icky and super selfish. I wanted to smack that girl with a tuna.  That's why I read the spoiler and saved myself a couple of hours.

By the way, Peter Facinelli as a blond and as a almost god-like handsome man?  Puh-leaz!  Someone needs to go back to casting school.

I'll probably watch it when it comes out on DVD and I have a lot of laundry to fold.

Galactic Civilizations IV
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top


Bring on the UNDERWORLD. 

Amen.  Those movies aren't great, but at least they've got sexy Kate Beckinsale in tight leather bodices and plenty of sexy vampire action - as opposed to the apparent snorefest of Twilight.

My sister went and saw it last night, and her reaction was, 'There's sucky, then there's SUCKY, then there's that craptacular movie.  Whole new levels of Suckitude.'

Reply #4 from Stardock Forums Top

Underworld rocks!  True Vampire movies rock!  I'm not a fan of Twilight because having heard from my two friends at work, who are die hard and loves the books, I hope they won't be disappointed like you when they see the movie which they both did last night! It would be interesting to see if they liked it or not too. 

Reply #5 from Stardock Forums Top

Yikes, Colleen and I were looking forward to this movie, now I guess we will wait for the DVD to come out. I hate bad vampire movies, I have been watching "true blood" on HBO now this one is great filled with all kinds of charectors that come alive on the boob toob. Mind readers, Changlings vampires good and evil as hell, serial killers and more. The last episode of the season is tonight, sadly I will have to wait another 6 months for it to continue. Boo hoo.

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

Didn't read the book, not going to watch the movie.  I didn't even know this series existed until like a month ago. 

When I read or watch vampires...I want crazy ass kicking bloodfest of action and maybe a pinch of romance.  From what you describe this movie would annoy the crap out of me...

~Zoo

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

In the 4th book everyone got what they wanted.  Bella became a vamp, her baby bonded with Jacob, yadda yadda.  But what really pissed me off was this big fight scene.  All the players were in place, literally, and then everyone just walked away?  Gah, its my own fault for reading teen bopper books.

To be honest, the third book really bugged me. I didn't know that it would, but Bella just got icky and super selfish. I wanted to smack that girl with a tuna. That's why I read the spoiler and saved myself a couple of hours.

My whole problem with the 3rd book was the way it ended with Jacob.  I mean what woman/girl/living being would want to kiss and ew, have sex with someone that is so cold she can't sleep beside him without a buffer between them?  I'm sorry but that is like a cold shower, or a cold CORPSE.  Ew.  Double Ew..bring on the sexy HOT BLOODED BIG Werewolves!:grin:

I'm ok with Vamps so long as there isn't a lot of talk about how "cold" they are.  Once I am reminded of the corpsy part, that's pretty much it.  Necrophilia...8C

Meyers really hit that peculiar note of the kind of uber-boyfriend I think all (most?) of us really wanted as teens--the mysterious bad-boy who softens just for the heroine and is devoted beyond his own convenience.

I think most women even feel this way to a degree.  We want a man who will pine for us long after they're gone, or we are.  You know, like we are so awesome they could NEVER move on...buwhahahahaha.

 

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

My sister went and saw it last night, and her reaction was, 'There's sucky, then there's SUCKY, then there's that craptacular movie. Whole new levels of Suckitude.'

The only people I've talked too or heard talking about it, that thought it was good were very young.

In fact, there were a lot of girls between 6-10 in that movie.  The movie is PG-13 and if their moms want to bring them, well so be it.  But most of the previews were for R movies, horror flicks, and I kept thinking, wow, my soon to be 6 year old would be having nightmares from the previews for a looooong time.

Those movies aren't great, but at least they've got sexy Kate Beckinsale in tight leather bodices and plenty of sexy vampire action - as opposed to the apparent snorefest of Twilight.

Well she won't be in the new one, the "pre-quel" to the others.  But the chick in the picture above seems like another great female vamp.

 

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

I have been watching "true blood" on HBO now this one is great filled with all kinds of charectors that come alive on the boob toob.

We watch it too MM, though I am really starting to hate the Sookie character...I just think they cast the wrong girl....I even wrote an article about it...http://lifehappens.joeuser.com/article/328625/TRUE_BLOOD_Sip_and_Thirst

Underworld rocks! True Vampire movies rock!

You know the show Saving Grace with Holly Hunter?  I'd like to see that character as a preternatural cop.  Like she keeps all the races in line, and has relationships with them, and its as gritty as her cop world is now.

That'd be vampire/preternatural for adults.:digichet:

 

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

When I read or watch vampires...I want crazy ass kicking bloodfest of action and maybe a pinch of romance. From what you describe this movie would annoy the crap out of me...

hahahaha....it annoyed me so I am sure it is off the annoyance scale for most guys.

I don't mind romance, in fact I prefer it.  To me it gives any story some credibility.  Why?  Because whenever you put a group of people together, at least one romance results.  It's almost inevitable.

While the movie sucked....you could probably learn some things about women by going and watching the women and not the movie.  I did a lot of people watching during the movie and realized something.

It may not be rational but every girl, every woman, wants to be special, cherished, loved, and even fought for when the situation calls for it.  And they want it from the one they consider to be their alpha (whether he actually is or not in a group of men is often moot).

 

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

 

I have been watching "true blood" on HBO now this one is great filled with all kinds of charectors that come alive on the boob toob. Mind readers, Changlings vampires good and evil as hell, serial killers and more. The last episode of the season is tonight, sadly I will have to wait another 6 months for it to continue. Boo hoo.

Elie, my hubby and I have too! And he's not into movies like that, but he likes True Blood and watches it more faithfully than I do, I suspect like you for the boob tube!LOL!  But it is a good series of stories within!  I can't believe we have to wait until next Summer for the next season?!!!

 

You know the show Saving Grace with Holly Hunter? I'd like to see that character as a preternatural cop. Like she keeps all the races in line, and has relationships with them, and its as gritty as her cop world is now.

I enjoy this series a lot too!  Yes, she would be great!  BTW, my two friends thought Twilight was sucky too!

 

 

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top

BTW, my two friends thought Twilight was sucky too!

hahaha...I'll have to look up how much money it made this weekend.

 

Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top

70.5 Million!  8(|

Maybe they'll use some of that for BETTER effects in the next one....bring on the Werewolves!!

Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

I have seen so many people reading these books.   I mean all ages. I havn't had a chance yet. I won't see the movie, maybe a rental. I liked the vampire movie Blade, although I closed my eyes at most of the blood parts!:puke:

Reply #15 from Stardock Forums Top

My wife brought and read the first three in less than a week.  She said they were very teenage, kinda crappy but okay.  I decided to skip them.  While I was kind of looking forward to the movie, from the sounds of it, I might just wait until it is out on DVD.

Thanks for the heads up.

Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

My wife brought and read the first three in less than a week. She said they were very teenage, kinda crappy but okay. I decided to skip them.

I don't think you would enjoy the books.  They are written for the most part from a 17 year old girl's point of view, and she is pretty self-absorbed.  Not to mention her thinking process is pretty age accurate.  When I read them I tried to identify with her from when I was 17, and it was very difficult.  She falls apart when her boyfriend leaves FOR MONTHS.

Uh, yeah.

So renting is a good idea imo because you can turn it off or fast forward it as you like.

I have seen so many people reading these books. I mean all ages. I havn't had a chance yet. I won't see the movie, maybe a rental. I liked the vampire movie Blade, although I closed my eyes at most of the blood parts!

Blade was good.  I took my SIL to see it.  When it was over she said, "Was that movie about vampires?" hahahaha  I still laugh out loud when I think about it.

Yeah, I guess the reason the books aren't so bad is because you can adjust the characters in your head.  I did.  I HAD too.

My all time favorite scene is when JACOB crawled in the tent to keep Bella warm right there in front of Edward, and Edward had to read his mind the whole time....hahahahahah....so sexy, so Yuummy!

 

Reply #17 from Stardock Forums Top

When I read them I tried to identify with her from when I was 17, and it was very difficult.

While I pride myself on having a good imagination, I don't think I'll ever be able to identify with a 17 year old girl, no matter how hard I try.

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top

While I pride myself on having a good imagination, I don't think I'll ever be able to identify with a 17 year old girl, no matter how hard I try.

:w00t:  

That's a good thing Maso, believe me.  It is SCARY stuff.  :pig:

Reply #19 from Stardock Forums Top

I'll probably go see it.  I was going to go see it on Friday with girlfriends, but the theater was packed, and they were going to go to a hoochie bar afterwards. 

Ry and I went to see "Fireproof" instead.  You want hoky acting?  The message was good, but we were laughing because it was so dorky.  At least Kirk Cameron is really cute. :)

I liked the first Twilight book, but the second wasn't as good.  I'm waiting for someone to lend me the last two, because it will take the library a year to get them to me, I bet.

Thanks for the heads up on the show, Tova.

Reply #20 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting MarcieMoo, reply 19


.
I liked the first Twilight book, but the second wasn't as good.  I'm waiting for someone to lend me the last two, because it will take the library a year to get them to me, I bet.
Thanks for the heads up on the show, Tova.

 

Seriously, Marcie;

Save yourself a couple of hours and just look up on Wikipedia about how the books ended.  You will be soooo grateful you did.  At least for book three.  Book two was kind of interesting if one's standards aren't so high.

Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top

I heard twilight was a great movie -that is if you're a seventh grade girl, lol. Heh, I remember reading Incubus back in the seventies. Now THAT was a vampire story! ;)  

Reply #22 from Stardock Forums Top

I have no desire to read any of the books but I might see it when it comes to the pay channels.

It's too bad it sucked since there's so many fans of the book. These movies have potential to make the movie studio millions maybe even billions world wide. So I'll ask again, why don't they try to make the best movie possible instead of rushing something out there and try to get the fast easy buck? If the first movie was well casted and well written not only whould it still be making crazy dollars but the 2nd movie could break some records. Also it could get people like me who have no interest in reading the book or seeing the movie interested in both. Studios are runned by idiots.

BTW .. what did you think of the season finale of True Blood?

Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top

Studios are runned by idiots.

BTW .. what did you think of the season finale of True Blood?

I agree about the movies.  I think anything less than Lord of the Rings storytelling/cinematography for these type books is ripping off the patron.

True Blood?

The last episode wasn't bad...the two before that...well, I did a lot of fast forwarding.  I can't stand Sookie.  Bill's gone one, two nights and she starts sucking face with a shifter?

heh.  Actually I don't mind if the main character is a slut, but they should build it up more.  Technically Sam was still with her best friend Tara as far as she was concerned.

I want to see lots more Eric, Tara (angry Tara, this nice girl thing is BORING), and LaFayette.

At least Kirk Cameron is really cute.

EWWW,  hahahaha.  to each her own I say...to each her own!

Save yourself a couple of hours and just look up on Wikipedia about how the books ended.

Excellent advice.

 

 

Reply #24 from Stardock Forums Top

The last episode wasn't bad...the two before that...well, I did a lot of fast forwarding. I can't stand Sookie. Bill's gone one, two nights and she starts sucking face with a shifter?

heh. Actually I don't mind if the main character is a slut, but they should build it up more. Technically Sam was still with her best friend Tara as far as she was concerned.

I want to see lots more Eric, Tara (angry Tara, this nice girl thing is BORING), and LaFayette.

I agree. Plus her character isn't the brightest bulb. But again I don't think any of the Stackhouses fall on the smart side.

Tara, Eric and Lafayette are so good. We need more of them and Lafayette better not be dead.

Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top

We need more of them and Lafayette better not be dead.

I've read a few of the later books all references to him are past tense.

But Sookie and Eric do HOOK UP...I don't care WHO he hooks up with, just so long as he's on my screen!

YUUUUM!  Them Vikings are finger lickin good.  :smitten: