Yep....why grandkids and grandparents take so well to each other....they have a common enemy: The parents. LOL.

My wife whispered to my 3-year-old this afternoon:

Wife (whispering): Guess what's for dinner?

Son (whispering): What?

Wife (whispering): It's your favorite!

Son (whispering): Cake?!

Thats what I would have said...

I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not...I'm always saying to my boys "Where are your clothes?"  Or "Go put your clothes back on!" They both will strip down to the undies (diaper for Jake) and stay that way until made to put clothes back on.  Ethan is 4, Jake is 2 (has to be like big brother)  We call Ethan Chief Crazy No Pants.  Haven't come up with one for Jake yet.

My 18 month old grandson, Dominic, is like that, always stripping down to his barest minimum... and less.  A couple of days ago my daughter dressed him up real nice to go visit his other grandparents and strapped him into his car seat for the journey.  When they arrived my daughter discovered that he had somehow managed to take off all his clothes (nappy/diaper and all) while enroute.

Having never been able to unbuckle himself before, my daughter curiously asked him: "How did you manage this?" as she held up his clothes... and all she got was a "Hahahahaha." for her troubles.

It's still a mystery... Dominic has been asked to do it again (to see if he can unfasten his harness and somehow prevent it), but he sits there with a smug look on his face as if to say: "What, and tell you all my secrets!"

I committed this one to memory specifically for this thread.  While away in NY this past 2 weeks (no internet) my soon to be five year old son had this to say.  I'll set this up for you:

The dog has a stuffed animal chew toy that is a chicken.  Ethan picks it up by the neck and says...you guessed it.

"Look Dad!  I'm choking the chicken!"

I spewed Mt. Dew all over the place.

The only 'Monkey' related story I can think of, is my [soon to be] ex Husbands nickname.. 'Gorilla Boy'...   you may find yourself pondering this mystery.. but there's no need.. He's mean, ugly, primitive, and possibly suffers from a self-abuse [don't ask......] problem... there ya go.. my 'Monkey' story.

Here is a conversation I had with my 5-year-old yesterday about our beloved country:

Son: Dad, when can we go to America?

Me: We live in America.

Son: We do?

Me: Yes, we do. You see, we live in a house. That house is in a town. In which town do we live?

Son: Merrillville.

Me: Ok, and Merrillville is in which state?

Son: Indiana.

Me: America has 50 states. One of them is Indiana. Our house is in Merrillville, in Indiana, in America. So we are already in America. Get it?

Son: But Dad, when can we see the people of America?

Me:  

My 3-year-old got out of bed tonight to go to the bathroom. I was in my room working at the computer. He was on the pot.

Son: Daddy! I dropped a stinky out of my bottom!

Dad: Good job buddy!

I'll set this up:  We were packing the kids into the vehicle to come home from the park.  I noticed a piece of rope leftover from tying something down on the roof so I pulled out my trysty knife and sliced it off.

Ethan: Dad, were you going to cut Jacob

Me: Yeah, Ethan, I was going to fillet him like a fish, fry him up and eat him  (sarcasm totally lost on him)

Wife: Nice honey.  Then, (I don't know why she even said this) you know Ethan, it's not right to cut someone up and eat them

Ethan: Tastes like chik-in

I almost wet myself.

Woulda thought you'd say, "Bananas?!"

Just wait 'til they discover sex and "How are babies made, Daddy?" Ahhh....the joys of explaining this to a kid....while your wife looks on and says innocently and oh, so sweetly (as my late wife did), "Yes Daddy, explain that to us." .

I remember glancing at my back as I passed the hall mirror searching for the knife handle coming out of my back. 

"Just because you put your thumb in your mouth does not mean you have to put your finger in you nose! Now, go wash your hands."

- I said this to my son when he was simultaneously sucking his thumb and picking his nose.

He gets it from his father...

 You two are just great! I hope you're recording all this .... in album form for his future bride...

Now see, here is another instance of your kid going above and beyond.  He's multi-tasking!  Give this kid an extra piece of cake...and a second napkin.

Right?! I keep trying to convince my wife, but she just doesn't see it that way!

Trust me, we'll have plenty of stories for the brides of our first two. And probably for the brides of all three, if our youngest follows suit.

M1 and DrJBHL, you two are hilarious!!

"Jacob!  Stop licking the floor!"

Well stop spillin the beer on it dad!  

While Driving home after picking Tirill (4) up from daycare

Me: Who did you play with today?

Tirill: Daniel

Me (jokingly): Is he your boyfriend?

Tirill: Not my boyfriend......we're just in love

At the mall, Tirill has to pee. I take her into the bathroom.

"Daddy why are the sinks so low in here" I explained that they were urinals and not for wshing ones hands.

Then spent 5 minutes convincing her that it wasn't possible for her to pee there!

  adorable!

At least you didn't have to convince her the biscuit isn't candy.

"Stop saying 'Smell my butt'. I know you have a poopie."

"No, Daddy does not have a poopie. He has gas."

"No. No. Daddy's don't have boobies. They aren't boobies. Who taught you that word? Yes, That's my bellybutton. No, they are NOT boobies."

"Stop asking everyone to smell your butt!"

"No. No, Daddy doesn't want to smell the dollys butt."

"My feet don't stinky. How can you tell from over...Hey! We don't put the socks over our noses. Give me my sock. It's dirty. Give it...Journey...Get out of the hamper...yes, those are daddys undewrwear, but put them down...No, I don't want to smell them. I don't want to smell your butt. No. Now get out of the...Did you poopie? C'mere...c'mere...let me smell your butt."