My husband and I recently took a family vacation to Disney World.

We spent an inordinate amount of time waiting for busses and standing in long lines. My two wonderful bonus children found this to be maddening, but I decided to use this time to observe a wide variety of human interactions. 

Now I realize that generalizations tell absolutely nothing about individuals, but from what I witnessed, there are a lot of unhappy women in the world. It seemed like every where we turned some lady was bitchin’ at her kids or her husband. There were scowls on their faces as they berated their loved ones in public. We started keeping a mental tally each time we encountered a “bitch-fest” scene, and the final count was astronomical. I think the most alarming part of these observations was the tone in the women’s voices. They addressed their spouses and children like a prison guard reprimanding an inmate.

Perhaps my expectations are too high, but I find this kind of behavior completely unacceptable. These ladies were at the most magical place on earth, and all they could do was groan and complain. They all seemed completely unaware of their hateful attitudes, and the saddest part was watching their children emulate the same kinds of undesirable behaviors.

I grew up in a home where the father figure was verbally and emotionally abusive. My grandmother was a saint who allowed this man to constantly put her down and criticize her. She had every reason to be a bitch, yet she always took the high road. Nora did the best she could, and I wish she had loved herself enough to leave, but circumstances prevented this from happening and rather than wallow in self pity, she chose to find the silver lining. She modeled graciousness and compassion in a way that ceases to amaze me.

Chris says that I am rare because I don’t nag and harass him. He expresses appreciation for my calm demeanor during difficult conversations. Perhaps this gratitude is born out of his experiences of living in an unhappy marriage for almost fifteen years. He married young, and the woman he chose had the emotional maturity of a twelve year old. After years of bitterness and resentment, he came to accept that the situation would never be different. He also came to grips with the consequences that would follow, and he decided to leave. Eventually he filed for divorce. Everyone involved in the divorce was wounded, and we continue to muddle our way through the healing process.

Chris has decided to chart a new course. He is purposeful about embracing the joy available to him. Our family is precious, and I could not ask for more loving, accepting bonus kids. The process of blending two families has been remarkably smooth, and I stand in awe of who he is as a father and a husband.

But despite our intentional efforts to think before reacting to situations that inevitably arise, and after numerous attempts at co-parenting, we still deal with the fallout that remains after divorce. His ex-wife is eaten alive with jealousy and anger. She represents all of the women we witnessed during our vacation, and as I consider the hurts she’s endured, I wonder why some people can move forward, and others refuse to grow. Why does one person opt to look past the pain and make the best of a situation, and another intentionally hurls barbs and inflicts punishment as a result of holding on to the past?

Now please don’t get me wrong, I am certainly not claiming to be perfect. The nasty bitch that lives inside of me has made her fair share of appearances, but I’d like to think Nora’s example helped shape me into a wife who is kind and loving. I do my best to guard against demanding and irrational behavior, and after watching so many miserable women during the last week, I am even more determined to rise above the fray.

So I leave you with this question . . .

What can we do to help the little girls in our lives avoid growing up to be bitches?