JOHN MCCAIN KEEPS FOOD IN HIS CHEEKS!!!

 
Senator John, Chipmunk Cheeks, McCain has finally admitted that he keeps large quantities of food in his extended cheeks.    Telling this reporter, "It all started when I was in Nam, laying there in a hundred and twenty degrees of hell, feeling rats eating my goddamn dick... and just being too tired to do anything about it... well, didn't mean to talk about that.  You publish that shit and I will have you dead by morning.  Now, anyways, for the record...  I was laying there one day and had a vision, of a mighty chipmonk, telling me that if I ever was around a lot of food again, I would be like the mighty chipmonk and save some for later, in my cheeks.   I had no idea I would end up with these jowls at this age.  Not complaining, I can keep a full boned chicken in this side.  And a couple side dishes over here.   Not to mention,  a gun and a playboy, which were the two things I vowed to have with me if I was ever captured again.  Laying there in that lonely bamboo prison, my only friends were rats.  For the most part they still are.   I took one as my wife.  Back in nam.  When she died I ate her meat, but I kept her skin.  I still keep it hidden in my recturm.  Old habits die hard I guess.  In fact, I still raise rats, for both food and companionship, of course."