"Free Range" Parenting and "Helicopter" Rearing

this is an example of one extreme - the stupid one. Podunk iowa is one thing. nC is a whole nother nut!

Sorry, while i had a lot more freedom than you did, and came out fine, I am not going to dangle a raw piece of meat in the face of the lions to test if they are tame. not when the results would affect my children.

Not all 9 year olds are created equal. Some are quite street smart and have a higher maturity level while others are completely devoid of those traits, sometimes due to over protective parents.

There is no one size fits all answer to this. Every kid is different. At that age I pretty much came and went as I wanted, often riding my bicycle all over the place. This was in a rather large Florida city, not some small town. But I wasn't some immature, sheltered little kid. I had been raised to think for myself and to look out for myself. Some other kids raised differently or lacking the skills could easily have found themselves in danger.

Perhaps this is just a case where people should mind their own business and allow parents to raise their own kids?

I agree with you Inbloom. Lots of sickos out there (especially in heavily populated areas like NYC) and a nine year old is no match for one that's determined -and most child molesters are.

(Heh, I used to walk home from kindergarten! But that was then and this is now and it sure wasn't in NYC!)

Gonna hit the devil's advocate card on this one...

Many years ago, Cora Jones was abducted from in front of her grandmother's home in Waupaca, Wisconsin, a community of 5,000 people. The small town environment did not protect Cora Jones, or many other children who have been victims. If this child was well versed in how to protect himself, a crowded environment may actually have been safer.

Would I have done this? Hell no! But do I think the mother made an irresponsible decision? I don't have enough information on this one.

It depends on the children and the location. If you live in an area where the police are patrolling every block and the child is as mature as most forty year olds, feel free to let them walk from one place to another, but if the opposite is true, check into mental therapy if you permit them to so much as go outside.

Kids can be "mature" without having common sense or simply body size to fend off someone trying to abduct them. I remember in Middle School having a friend's high school brother and friend demonstrate how easy it is to grab someone off their bike and pull them into a car. I don't really think location matters because there are pros and cons there too. Big city = lots of people = more "bad guys" but also = more people to see what is going on. Small town = not may people = less "bad guys" but also = noone around to hear you scream for help.

I get scrutinized for letting my 11 & 7yr olds walk to school on their own (as in together). The 11yr old has a simple cell phone (no texting or other fancy options) that he ca use in an emergency or I can get ahold of him if I'm running late or other things come up. I still worry but know they need some independence in order to truly learn how to take care of themselves.

There are always dangers with every step of independence. Just think of how dangerous college campus life can be! You just have to take as many precautions as you can, talk to your kids about what to do and hope for the best. (That doesn't mean I think under any circumstances that a 9yr old should be alone on the streets and subways of NY!)

I have a 12 year old, he is as large as I am, and very mature for his age.

No.

I wouldn't do this.  I've been to NYC several times and always used the subway.  When its crazy busy on the subway, a kid can really be mistreated/shoved/cursed/man handled, etc. 

It only takes one time, one second in time to lose your child, or to have them damaged beyond repair.

What is the big hurry to have him walk NYC alone?  Why was this so important to the mother?

There are PLENTY of other ways for my kids to learn independence which don't involve trying to navigate alone in an adult world at 9.

I think its stupid.

 

 

9 year old + subway is just asking for kidnap and rape...good Christ.

~Zoo

I don't disagree with the logic this woman used.  I think it is cool she trusts her son enough to allow him to do this but I do wonder what safety measures she instilled in her son before setting him off on his adventure.  The way I see it, if he is going to be living and growing up in a place like NYC, then he needs to learn to respect it, but not fear it.

When I was 9, I was not only responsible for getting myself to and from school but also for looking after two younger siblings.

My point exactly.

Last time I was in NYC, not so very long ago, it was the middle of the day. I was on the subway and got off at the station near China Town. I didn't actually mean to get off at that station, I needed the next one, but I wasn't paying close attention.

I got off and there was not one single person in the underground station. I stood alone on the platform. It was dirty, there was graffiti, trash, it looked abandoned. (To be fair over half the stations are decent, not exactly sparkly clean, but well maintained. Of course the nicer the burrow the better the station.) Anyway, the painted arrow on the wall telling which way to the street was corroded so I couldn't see if it pointed left or right.

I went right. It led me to a filthy aqua tiled dead end where a guy was sitting on the floor dozing. He didn't look homeless, he was clean and wearing a large coat..which now that I think about it is really strange..it was summer and underground is stifeling hot.

Anyway, I entertained ideas of Twilight Zone, then did a quiet about face and headed the other way. When I came back to where the train left me I heard another approaching and saw two guys coming down the tunnel to get on.

I walked out of the tunnel into the crowded streets, thankful for the raw sewage, pollution, rotted food smell which assualted my senses and a mental note to never stop at that station again.

When I think of a 9 year old in the same situation, I shudder.

Ach, I lost my comment.  Basically I am a believer in the buddy system if at all possible.  I do believe that there is more safety in numbers.  I think some parents are so overprotective that you can drive through a town on a beautiful weekend afternoon and not see one child out playing.  That's just sad.  That being said as an adult I would freak out in NYC but I have no big city experience.  I can't imagine being on my own at 9. 

I like the idea but I would have not left things up to fate as she did. I would have made arrangements for another parent, friend or hired someone to follow closely throughout the journey. Your not born with street smarts and in a big city like NY I think they're invaluable and should be taught, but not in such a reckless manner.

I'm wondering if she wasn't also looking for material for her column and used this as an opportunity?  She sure got her responses.

My first thought was she was being irresponsible by letting her child do this in this day and age especially.  I still lean that way but there are many variables to consider.  The maturity of the child, the familiarity he had to the Subway System and this route, the location, the length of time etc. 

I'm all for letting them learn about independence but I would never have gone to this extreme with my sons. For one reason they were brought up in the country on a dirt road.  It would be like sending out a sheep  among wolves. 

If I had put my son on a subway he would have had white, naive country boy look all over his face.  He wouldn't have lasted long. 

 

Glad to see responses for both sides.

I guess when it comes down to it, I would probably "err" on the side of being extra protective.  I just can't see myself allowing that much freedom to my child, regardless of whether or not he/she is mature.

I would just hope I would think of better (and safer) ways to let him/her experience some independence.

Maybe she has trust in her son's commonsense and ability to look after himself.  Maybe I'm being naive but I can't imagine any parent using their child like this to increase readership.

i had a longer post about this.  Sorry.  I after some reflection, I decided not to share it.

 

Anyway, I disagree with blanket judgements about raising children.  For anything that can be considered a judgement call, and I think this applies, you have to know the child and surrounding circumstances and then make the call.  I'm with Dynamaso and MasonM on this one.

Just because one person does it, doesn't mean everyone should.  Then again, there are always the people who will take their baby to the doctor because the baby doesn't have blue pee like in the commercials.

I like Stubby's idea.

It definitely does depend on the child. Part of that is their raising prior to that point, and part of that is just who they are.

My boys walk themselves to and from school (right down the street from my house; I can watch them all the way to the school from my driveway if I like), but I don't let them roam around the neighborhood. I trust them to be moderately savvy about people they might encounter, but I don't trust people they might encounter.

If a child is to live in NYC, he must be prepared to navigate around and learn to appreciate the dangers and the way of doing things there. I don't think I would have allowed my child to do that, but I don't think I would ever want to raise a family in NYC, either.

 

You hit the nail on the head Tex!  I also agree with those who said that it does depend on the child and what the mom knows of her son and how responsible he is.  Lets face it, they live in NY, one day he will be out on his own walking to and from school or to his friends home.  Despite the problems that are in our world today, pedophiles and kidnapping and all the bad stuff, our children have to learn to navigate and make decisions for themselves. We are there to teach them  and guide them and I'm sure she felt she was doing just that.  I don't think she was a bad parent at all for doing this. He wanted to do it and had been nagging her about it, they both felt he could do it.  She took a big chance and its good that nothing happened, but had she not done that, what would that mean to the child?  Think of the confidence he has gained from this.  Jumping on the bandwagon to condemn isn't the thing to do.  It's good to look at it from the point of view of being a mom in a city such as NY.

Emphasis mine. From the MSNBC article:



She didn't make him do it. She didn't say, "Time to be independent!" He had a desire, she felt comfortable with his maturity, street-sense, familiarity, etc., and let him go.



It sounds to me like the hurry was his, not hers.

I want the world to be safe so my kids can run free. I did when I was a kid. But ya know what? There was lots of inappropriate things happening to me because of it.



My kids are in a hurry to do lots of things, doesn't mean its all good for them.

4,100.

Four Thousand One Hundred Children go Missing A DAY in this country, either by abduction or running away.

4,100.

Sorry. That's not a gamble I am willing to take with my kids.

There seems to be a general consensus about when its ok to leave your kids at home alone...somewhere around 12. Home, the safe place, the place where doors can be locked and strangers not admitted.

I just don't see the leap from 12 at home thinking...to 9 alone amongst millions of strangers thinking.

Imagine if this kid was doing this wonderful thing the day the towers fell. I doubt anyone would be saying its a wonderful thing then.

Nope, not my kids.

They can learn independence in much safer ways, ways that won't cost them their lives on the off chance luck is not in our court that day.

Ok, on a lighter note...thinking about kids and free range chickens just cracks me up.

hahaha T....my sentiments eggs-actly!

You crack me up with your chicken yokes...um...jokes.....  

I hope to catch up on this thread soon...thanks so much for everyone's opinions thus far.

 

:LOL: at the comic relief.

Kids are daring. I wouldn't want to be out in NYC by myself at any time. I could do it, I would if I had to, but I would go out of my way to avoid it if at all possible. But I don't live there, either, so I don't have to face the city every day.