Perfection in Jim
Did I Find Perfection?
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Jim...James... I never thought that I would be saying that name and sighing. Of course, I have cried over a James before. Cried many times. Cried over the loss as he left for the Navy. Cried over the pain he has brought each time he moved. Cried for his pain. This time though, I sigh for a different man. A man of integrity, a man with a free spirit, a man with love in his heart, a man who is worthy of my love and attention. Unlike all the other men that request or demand my presence and touch, Jim is far different than the rest. Not once has he behaved like any other man. He is unique and special, a perfect gentleman. He has proven that he is worth something to me, to my girls, and to my healing heart. He is already worth something to the world and the people surrounding him. Not a loner, unlike many, many other men. I find this attractive and extremely seductive. I find it amazingly unique. I just got a txt message from his friend, Jack, who congrats us but also tells me to take good care of him. This is odd coming from a man about another man. Usually it is only for women that men say such things.
I am not sure what it is that I am supposed to be doing with him quite yet though. It is becoming easier and easier with each passing day to fall absolutely head over heels in love with him, and throw caution to the wind. He has become my sunrise, my daylight, and my sunsets. He is even the lantern that lights my path in the darkest of nights, and the wind in my sails that drives me forward, and keeps me feeling alive. When I see him, my heart skips that beat that leads a woman to believe that "this could be the one." With all of the years wasted in a marriage of folly, time filled with pain-tainted tears melts into nothingness, as he becomes my muse. It is Jim that keeps me looking down the rocky trail to see the glorious end, and with that end, there is always Jim. My heart cries out his name; neck aches for his lips, my back arches as if he was here, and my legs quiver at the remembrance of his manhood throbbing inside.
When I wonder what will be, I cannot create an answer. I worry often. I worry that this is the one relationship that will end just as the marriage previous to it. This emotion; so deep, so involving, so perfect at this moment in time, dissolves my wandering worries far away. As far away as his childhood forested homeland.... Within his eyes, I see that boy that roamed the forest, wandered barefooted through the woods, and ran as wild as a young bear cub at play. He has not lost that youth in his eyes. The lines around the vast blue only accentuate the child within. It is the child in his eyes that I adore. It is the smile lines that mark the grown man that I love.
Yes, I am positive that I love this man. It has been such a short time that I have known him, yet I know that I do love him. It is not the love that brings teens together, or the love that brings two lust-filled people together. I know this love. It is a long lost and a long dismissed emotion that I pushed from me. It has been gone from my life for many years now, but not long enough for me to forget. This is the all encompassing, all embracing type that lasts forever.
As I type this blog entry, I am listening intently to Jim speak to me. He is explaining the things his father used to do in New York and the memories that he is expressing are full of love for his father. His childhood memories are almost like daydreams. They are wonderful bits of heaven; embraced by joy and laughter. Experiences that passed me by, yet experiences that I will bring to my own children. Such a man that still admires his father and cares for his mother without having a strong, unhealthy attachment to his parents is like a beautiful emerald in a sea of crushed granite.
I never knew love, at least, love like this. I never knew respect or honor such as this. Jim has this from me. He has it without asking for it, and without demanding it. I give it to him freely, and do not expect to ever take it away. I give him my heart to do with as he pleases, my soul to care for as will, and my body to pleasure himself with. I trust this man, and I know he will do me no wrong.
I am not sure what it is that I am supposed to be doing with him quite yet though. It is becoming easier and easier with each passing day to fall absolutely head over heels in love with him, and throw caution to the wind. He has become my sunrise, my daylight, and my sunsets. He is even the lantern that lights my path in the darkest of nights, and the wind in my sails that drives me forward, and keeps me feeling alive. When I see him, my heart skips that beat that leads a woman to believe that "this could be the one." With all of the years wasted in a marriage of folly, time filled with pain-tainted tears melts into nothingness, as he becomes my muse. It is Jim that keeps me looking down the rocky trail to see the glorious end, and with that end, there is always Jim. My heart cries out his name; neck aches for his lips, my back arches as if he was here, and my legs quiver at the remembrance of his manhood throbbing inside.
When I wonder what will be, I cannot create an answer. I worry often. I worry that this is the one relationship that will end just as the marriage previous to it. This emotion; so deep, so involving, so perfect at this moment in time, dissolves my wandering worries far away. As far away as his childhood forested homeland.... Within his eyes, I see that boy that roamed the forest, wandered barefooted through the woods, and ran as wild as a young bear cub at play. He has not lost that youth in his eyes. The lines around the vast blue only accentuate the child within. It is the child in his eyes that I adore. It is the smile lines that mark the grown man that I love.
Yes, I am positive that I love this man. It has been such a short time that I have known him, yet I know that I do love him. It is not the love that brings teens together, or the love that brings two lust-filled people together. I know this love. It is a long lost and a long dismissed emotion that I pushed from me. It has been gone from my life for many years now, but not long enough for me to forget. This is the all encompassing, all embracing type that lasts forever.
As I type this blog entry, I am listening intently to Jim speak to me. He is explaining the things his father used to do in New York and the memories that he is expressing are full of love for his father. His childhood memories are almost like daydreams. They are wonderful bits of heaven; embraced by joy and laughter. Experiences that passed me by, yet experiences that I will bring to my own children. Such a man that still admires his father and cares for his mother without having a strong, unhealthy attachment to his parents is like a beautiful emerald in a sea of crushed granite.
I never knew love, at least, love like this. I never knew respect or honor such as this. Jim has this from me. He has it without asking for it, and without demanding it. I give it to him freely, and do not expect to ever take it away. I give him my heart to do with as he pleases, my soul to care for as will, and my body to pleasure himself with. I trust this man, and I know he will do me no wrong.