What makes him do it? Why do I put up with it?
his sex life is killing me
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JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
What makes him do it? I dont think I will ever know what exactly drives him to the extremes he goes through. I have attempted to understand it but I dont think I ever will. I am not sure I even want to really know why. I guess the real question I should ask myself is why do I continue to allow this man to hurt me ? He has been off work this week due to the weather and has had 4 uninterupted days of 8 hours a day of a non stop pornucopia. Tonights computer history shows that he visited more than 100 pages of porn pics that range from "Dominant Mothers and their submissive sons" to "big tits" and so on....Oh, and lets not forget "Sexy Grannys". Even after I get home from work, his ass stays glued to his best girl( computer chair) until he thinks I have had all I can take, then he reluctantly leaves her to come spend a few moments with me. Now this I suppose wouldnt bother me as much if it werent for the fact that inspite of his "need" to visit these sites EVERYSINGLEFUKINDAY, he almost never wants to have sex. OK, there is no mystery here. He is a masturbation freak. He has been madly in love with his hand since he was a boy and that love affair has continued to this day. Now I know that you are reading this and thinking, "why the hell do you put up with this?" I guess I should start at the begining. I was born the oldest of a set of twins, my Mothers first of three sets of identical twins. I didnt remember my Father because my Mother left him after the death of my youngest twin siblings, two brothers. My mother moved in with her Mother and Father and I have very fond but few memories of grandfather. I do remember however, my grandmother nagging my grandfather about the bills and such. Since I was only maybe, 5? It didnt make much sense to me then. My grandfather was a firefighter and the pay was very low so the struggle for existance was sustantial. The "Brothers" of his company helped out quite a bit when they found out that we had all moved in. My mothers brother" Uncle Sonny" still lived at home then and after he married, the household grew by one more, his wife. I dont recall much of that time but I do remember how kind my Uncle and Grandfather were. Unfortunately, this would be the few good male role models I would encounter in my life. We moved the "clan" to Florida and my sister and I began kindergarten so I guess 5 years old then. My grandfather had passed on shortly before then. I will go into that experience at a later time. My mother relied heavily upon My relatives for support in those days. My grandmother was very cruel to us. She would make us stand for hours, now mind you, we were almost babies, My younger twin siblings, sisters, were two years younger than I. I have so much to tell. I've kept this bottled up all my life. At first it was for me, because remembering was so painful, then it was for my Mother, to protect her from some truths and shield her from the pain she partly caused. I will try not to get too far ahead with this. It is just so good to be able to share in this forum, a safe place where no one can see my tears as I recall these events. For someone else to finally know what really happened to me and to tell it to someone else in this world, I hope will free me in many ways from the horrifying facts. I need to go slowly so I can share each event that my mind has allowed me to remember. I hope that all who read this will lend their support and not be critical in any way. I will write everyday until my story is finished. What I will say at this moment is this. I have learned that women who are abused in early years, develope ideas and almost always end up in abusive relationships. I have seen this in my own relationships time and time again. Thus, I am here, to share with total strangers, my humiliation and defeats, in hopes of a cleansing. When I come back tommorow, I will share more about the very early years. The good memories and the bad, and then progress from there. To those who are taking the time to read, I thank you and ask you to please be supportive. This is going to be very hard for me but it must be done. To my siblings who read, know that I love you and this is for me, not to hurt anyone. I am hurting enough already for all of us. I know that when all is said, I will have the answer to my own question, "Why does he do it, and Why do I do put up with it?"
and that this will help you grow stronger.