This is some nice satire on the current political climate in Australia before the upcoming elections - I am sure you Americans can relate as well!
The choices are clear: a clever liar, a man with a spooky smile, or an unpredictable bully, writes David Campbell.
Dad . . . what's an election?
Good question, son! This election is very important. It's a chance for all the grown-ups in Australia to decide who's going to run the country for the next few years.
Who runs the country now?
John Howard. He's the Prime Minister. You saw him on TV the other night, remember? He was doing that funny dance.
Him? He just looked silly. Does he run Australia all by himself?
Oh no. Lots of other people help him. They're called politicians. You see them on TV too. Like the one with the big snake wrapped around his neck. That was Peter Costello.
He looked just as silly. Is that what politicians do? Look silly?
No, of course not. But during an election campaign they often do some odd things.
Why?
Because that's when they go out and meet ordinary people like us. They want to show us that they're really very nice and lots of fun. They want us to like them so we'll vote for them.
So they play with snakes?
Well, that was just to get on TV. Peter Costello wants to take over as prime minister when John Howard retires . . . so he's trying to show us that he's really a friendly man with a sense of humour. And brave, too, with that big snake. You see, a lot of people don't like Peter Costello.
Why not?
Oh, because he's kind of spooky . . . and he has a strange smile.
So Dad . . . does it work? Will grown-ups like John Howard and Peter Costello better because they do funny dances and play with snakes?
I guess so. Otherwise, why would the politicians do it? But an election is not just about silly things. We grown-ups have to pay careful attention because politicians make lots of promises about the good things they'll do for us if we vote for them. That's how we decide who to choose.
We grown-ups have to pay attention because politicians make promises about the good things they'll do for us.How do you know they'll keep their promises?
We don't. Sometimes they change their minds or just forget. For example, there were some that John Howard didn't keep . . . but he said that was OK because they were "non-core" promises.
Can I make non-core promises too? Like: "I promise not to stay up past my bedtime watching TV!"
Definitely not! That would be lying!
So John Howard told lies? The man who runs the country is a liar?
No! Well, I suppose so . . . in a way. But he didn't mean it. You see, it's not really telling a lie if you believe what you're saying at the time you say it. He just . . . changed his mind, that's all. Things were different after he got elected.
But things might be different after my bedtime. A very, very good TV show might come on. So if I really believed I wouldn't stay up past my bedtime, but then changed my mind . . . I wouldn't be telling a lie?
Hmmm . . . but you wouldn't really believe it, would you?
How do you know? You can't tell what I'm thinking. I could promise all sorts of things and then do whatever I wanted. I could say they weren't lies because I believed what I was saying at the time.
Yes, but you wouldn't get away with that for very long. I'd stop trusting you. I'd work out what you were up to and you'd be punished. Severely.
Oh? But Dad . . . how long would it take you to work out what I was doing? How many years has John Howard been running the country?
About eight.
Eight years. And you're still going to vote for him?
Of course . . . and so are all my friends. What choice is there? His opponent, Mark Latham, is just too unpredictable. I think he's also a bit of a bully. It's all been on TV. He lost his temper once and broke a man's arm. John Howard wouldn't do that . . . he's a very clever man. He must be, to have lasted so long. And in these troubled times we can't afford to take risks.
So Dad . . . from what you say, in the next few years the prime minister of Australia will be a clever liar, or a spooky man with a strange smile, or an unpredictable bully.
I . . . suppose so. That's what they say on TV, anyway.
But what about the things Mum talks about? The fighting in Iraq. Terrorism. The people dying in Africa. Refugees. The agreement with America. What about them?
Oh, don't take any notice of all that! It's just political stuff. Nothing to do with us. Life's too short and there are more important things to think about. Big Brother's finished, but there's still the footy. And the Olympics.
Gee, Dad . . . you sure know a lot of things. When I grow up I want to be just like you.
Really?
That's a promise.
BAM!!!