Stories from the Dating Zone
"I vill send you a picture of my ex-wife...." WTF???
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Hello all!~ I have risen from the PhD morass to contribute to my blog...have just had an interesting couple of weeks.
Where to start....ok...one Friday a couple of weeks ago I'd had a long day and decided to drop into a bar on the way home from work for one drink, felt like a bloody mary. So I get talking to this guy, seems nice...we'll call him Don and we make plans to meet up the next night. I am developing a stratified approach to relationships that seems to be peculiarly Adelaidien (after the city in which I live Adelaide SA). If I think this is someone I would really interested in, sleeping with him is totally out of the question for the first little while if I think this is someone whose company I'd like for a night or two...well if the spirit moves WHY NOT!!! And besides it had been a while. So if the spirit moves...why not? That's what God invented condoms for (and for those of you who want to take me to task about God instituting sex within marriage blah blah...save your breath...I respect your right ot live your life your way but this means I get to live mine my way...and besides the higher power could really give a shit less who you fuck...she/he/it has bigger fish to fry...I mean how self absorbed and grandiose can you become to think that God REALLY keeps track of who YOU are personally sleeping with...grin...and besides WHAT ARE YOU DOING in the sex section anyway? Isn't there a faith forum or something you should be reading???
) hey I was RAISED fundie I can tease:)
I am not a fan of one nighters I find them generally unfulfilling but I was hanging and he was cute. Cut to the chase....he was pheomenally BAD in bed...I mean really awful. Beyond my skills to save. To be this bad you REALLY have to work at it. No oral, no foreplay and the missionary position ONLY thank you very much. I reckon I am going to start doing up a questionnaire...I'll entitle it "So you want to spend the night with me..." please fill in the following questions, show some ID ect. First on my list...DO YOU GIVE HEAD??? ARE YOU ANY GOOD AT IT??? DO YOU RECKON PUSSY IS BETTER FELT AND NOT SEEN??? you get the general drift...oh well no harm done.
Fast forward to last Friday night. I crossed my age boundary and accepted a date with a 46 year old polish guy (been here 20 years still has heavy polish accent slightly fractured english). Went to one of my favorite pubs where we had a laugh about being addicted to perogies (I was married to a German/Hungarian and the part of British Columbia I come from has a heavy Eastern European influence). All was going well until he started talking about his ex wife. I mean I talk about my ex and my children but its in a friendly, sorted sort of way. I love my ex, he's a good daddy and a good person, vertical hold problems on his zipper not withstanding. This was a bit different..."my ex-vife (insert heavy polish accent here) she vas very beautiful....ve had perfect marriage, I vas perfect husband."..and on and on and on. It culminated four hours later with "I vill send you an email vith a picture of my ex-wife in it" What the fuck???!!??? Perfectly nice guy in many ways I am sure...but can you say "I am totally so NOT over my ex-"vife" that I think I will erect a shrine in my front yard to her??" I was very glad to get home and crawl off to bed.
Saturday arvo my best friend asks me if I want to go and have lunch with a good friend of hers that has come from the UK. We'll call him Peter. Peter has just had a HUGE payout from TXU to become redundant...100,000 Au dollars and a big pension. Well he's been travelling the world...(he's 41). His stop before Australia was Thailand....you can probably guess where this is going. Well we were regaled with tales of the "girl" (22) that he took off to some island, "banged for five days" (a direct quote) and then returned to the third world enclave from whence she came. You can imagine my reaction. I asked him how it felt to be a neo/post colonialist. When I was asked how so I stated he was colonising the women of less socio/economic privledge than himself with his PENIS! What a fucking soulless, self absorbed wanker. He said "I thought you were going to caution me agains visa hunters..." yeah right mate...like you are my FIRST concern. NOT. Spoilt my lunch and my friend and I had to go and have a couple of restorative glasses of wine afterward. Oh and we were also patronisingly told how he doesn't have any problem daing women "our" age (I"m an ancient 38 just to clarify) but that young women "love" him. Um yeah shit for brains...you have stacks of money and you spend it on them in hopes of getting something out of it. Such generosity of spirit, such selflessness "I bought you dinner you can fuck me now..." that kind of person you walk away from doing mental dusting of hands....
Robbie and I went climbing on Saturday in the hills it was spectacular. We have managed to stay very good friends but he is an interesting boy. He called me last week and declared that he had decided to "do something" about his virginal state and was contemplating "getting it over with" in order to be able to have a relationship with someone. As I explained to him he was making have sex sound like going to get your inoculations. I told him that it isn't something you "do" for a relationship its something you do because you WANT someone, that there has to be desire with the companionship. As I explained to him women can tell the minute someone is having sex with them under duress (and I say having sex rather than making love cause that is what it would be for him) and would run a mile. Can you imagine? I also filled him in on the fact that when you are in a relationship with someone and its in the new stages and you are all crazy and horny that most people are making love once or twice a day...and that that is NORMAL for women and men. That made him go a bit quiet. I think he was horrified. Its like if he "does it" as he charmingly puts it then he can just have a "relationship" and doesn't have to preface it with I'm a virgin and will "do the sex thing"under sufferance. And this is a very handsome, accomplished, funny ,well spoken man...I don't get it...I really don't. I told him he needed to go and talk to a counsellor to sort this one out. It is OK to be the way he is...but he has to understand I think that it will preclude certain things in his life. YOu cannot bring someone else into the morass of your sexuality and expect them to live with your boundaries when those boundaries are withholding and painful.
So all in all its been a rather interesting couple of weeks:) You know this is a really informative period of my life. Number one I am working out what I don't need, and what I do need, the first is most important. I have a lot of gratitude for my own emotional and sexual and intellectual stability. I'm NOT perfect but holy hell I know I fall within the broad parameters of normality (grin).
I am keeping notes for a book I will write when this Phd is finished. Fuel for my personal sociological landscape....:) Its a journey and I feel cheerful I KNOW something good is around the corner...like finishing my dissertation...and being Dr! And I also have faith that someone is out there waiting for me....more than I did before. Dating can reify your faith in yourself or it can destroy your confidence. I think you have to have such a strong sense of who you are to survive this process. I've had guys tell me too lose weight (I'm nice curvaceous size 14 thank you) that they don't like intelligent women you name it. And through it all you realise that we are all on this journey together. The polish guy, Peter, Robbie we are all just fallible and human. It isn't judging so much as it is the realisation as I said to Peter that you have an obligation to live your life and work out your sexuality with the least damage and hurt to other's possible.
I have my faults, I'm stubborn and determined and can have tunnel vision. I'm ambitious and I think I'm right alot of the time. But i"M also tender and affectionate and tenaciously loyal. My friends love me and I love them. And that is worth more than anything else in the world, the ability to form relationships with others that are healthy and lasting. In comparison to what I"ve been given, what i"ve gone through is small in comparison. I feel very lucky with my life. How priceless it is to be able to make decisions, to choose the life you will live for yourself.
I will keep you posted As I've said I approach this whole process as research...I want a good partner, and if I sit in my flat and moan about being single well.....God isn't going to drop him through my ceiling naked with an erection is he???
We'll be right mate!!!
Cheers I hope you all are well....drop me a line:)
cinnamonstone
Where to start....ok...one Friday a couple of weeks ago I'd had a long day and decided to drop into a bar on the way home from work for one drink, felt like a bloody mary. So I get talking to this guy, seems nice...we'll call him Don and we make plans to meet up the next night. I am developing a stratified approach to relationships that seems to be peculiarly Adelaidien (after the city in which I live Adelaide SA). If I think this is someone I would really interested in, sleeping with him is totally out of the question for the first little while if I think this is someone whose company I'd like for a night or two...well if the spirit moves WHY NOT!!! And besides it had been a while. So if the spirit moves...why not? That's what God invented condoms for (and for those of you who want to take me to task about God instituting sex within marriage blah blah...save your breath...I respect your right ot live your life your way but this means I get to live mine my way...and besides the higher power could really give a shit less who you fuck...she/he/it has bigger fish to fry...I mean how self absorbed and grandiose can you become to think that God REALLY keeps track of who YOU are personally sleeping with...grin...and besides WHAT ARE YOU DOING in the sex section anyway? Isn't there a faith forum or something you should be reading???
) hey I was RAISED fundie I can tease:)I am not a fan of one nighters I find them generally unfulfilling but I was hanging and he was cute. Cut to the chase....he was pheomenally BAD in bed...I mean really awful. Beyond my skills to save. To be this bad you REALLY have to work at it. No oral, no foreplay and the missionary position ONLY thank you very much. I reckon I am going to start doing up a questionnaire...I'll entitle it "So you want to spend the night with me..." please fill in the following questions, show some ID ect. First on my list...DO YOU GIVE HEAD??? ARE YOU ANY GOOD AT IT??? DO YOU RECKON PUSSY IS BETTER FELT AND NOT SEEN??? you get the general drift...oh well no harm done.
Fast forward to last Friday night. I crossed my age boundary and accepted a date with a 46 year old polish guy (been here 20 years still has heavy polish accent slightly fractured english). Went to one of my favorite pubs where we had a laugh about being addicted to perogies (I was married to a German/Hungarian and the part of British Columbia I come from has a heavy Eastern European influence). All was going well until he started talking about his ex wife. I mean I talk about my ex and my children but its in a friendly, sorted sort of way. I love my ex, he's a good daddy and a good person, vertical hold problems on his zipper not withstanding. This was a bit different..."my ex-vife (insert heavy polish accent here) she vas very beautiful....ve had perfect marriage, I vas perfect husband."..and on and on and on. It culminated four hours later with "I vill send you an email vith a picture of my ex-wife in it" What the fuck???!!??? Perfectly nice guy in many ways I am sure...but can you say "I am totally so NOT over my ex-"vife" that I think I will erect a shrine in my front yard to her??" I was very glad to get home and crawl off to bed.
Saturday arvo my best friend asks me if I want to go and have lunch with a good friend of hers that has come from the UK. We'll call him Peter. Peter has just had a HUGE payout from TXU to become redundant...100,000 Au dollars and a big pension. Well he's been travelling the world...(he's 41). His stop before Australia was Thailand....you can probably guess where this is going. Well we were regaled with tales of the "girl" (22) that he took off to some island, "banged for five days" (a direct quote) and then returned to the third world enclave from whence she came. You can imagine my reaction. I asked him how it felt to be a neo/post colonialist. When I was asked how so I stated he was colonising the women of less socio/economic privledge than himself with his PENIS! What a fucking soulless, self absorbed wanker. He said "I thought you were going to caution me agains visa hunters..." yeah right mate...like you are my FIRST concern. NOT. Spoilt my lunch and my friend and I had to go and have a couple of restorative glasses of wine afterward. Oh and we were also patronisingly told how he doesn't have any problem daing women "our" age (I"m an ancient 38 just to clarify) but that young women "love" him. Um yeah shit for brains...you have stacks of money and you spend it on them in hopes of getting something out of it. Such generosity of spirit, such selflessness "I bought you dinner you can fuck me now..." that kind of person you walk away from doing mental dusting of hands....
Robbie and I went climbing on Saturday in the hills it was spectacular. We have managed to stay very good friends but he is an interesting boy. He called me last week and declared that he had decided to "do something" about his virginal state and was contemplating "getting it over with" in order to be able to have a relationship with someone. As I explained to him he was making have sex sound like going to get your inoculations. I told him that it isn't something you "do" for a relationship its something you do because you WANT someone, that there has to be desire with the companionship. As I explained to him women can tell the minute someone is having sex with them under duress (and I say having sex rather than making love cause that is what it would be for him) and would run a mile. Can you imagine? I also filled him in on the fact that when you are in a relationship with someone and its in the new stages and you are all crazy and horny that most people are making love once or twice a day...and that that is NORMAL for women and men. That made him go a bit quiet. I think he was horrified. Its like if he "does it" as he charmingly puts it then he can just have a "relationship" and doesn't have to preface it with I'm a virgin and will "do the sex thing"under sufferance. And this is a very handsome, accomplished, funny ,well spoken man...I don't get it...I really don't. I told him he needed to go and talk to a counsellor to sort this one out. It is OK to be the way he is...but he has to understand I think that it will preclude certain things in his life. YOu cannot bring someone else into the morass of your sexuality and expect them to live with your boundaries when those boundaries are withholding and painful.
So all in all its been a rather interesting couple of weeks:) You know this is a really informative period of my life. Number one I am working out what I don't need, and what I do need, the first is most important. I have a lot of gratitude for my own emotional and sexual and intellectual stability. I'm NOT perfect but holy hell I know I fall within the broad parameters of normality (grin).
I am keeping notes for a book I will write when this Phd is finished. Fuel for my personal sociological landscape....:) Its a journey and I feel cheerful I KNOW something good is around the corner...like finishing my dissertation...and being Dr! And I also have faith that someone is out there waiting for me....more than I did before. Dating can reify your faith in yourself or it can destroy your confidence. I think you have to have such a strong sense of who you are to survive this process. I've had guys tell me too lose weight (I'm nice curvaceous size 14 thank you) that they don't like intelligent women you name it. And through it all you realise that we are all on this journey together. The polish guy, Peter, Robbie we are all just fallible and human. It isn't judging so much as it is the realisation as I said to Peter that you have an obligation to live your life and work out your sexuality with the least damage and hurt to other's possible.
I have my faults, I'm stubborn and determined and can have tunnel vision. I'm ambitious and I think I'm right alot of the time. But i"M also tender and affectionate and tenaciously loyal. My friends love me and I love them. And that is worth more than anything else in the world, the ability to form relationships with others that are healthy and lasting. In comparison to what I"ve been given, what i"ve gone through is small in comparison. I feel very lucky with my life. How priceless it is to be able to make decisions, to choose the life you will live for yourself.
I will keep you posted
As I've said I approach this whole process as research...I want a good partner, and if I sit in my flat and moan about being single well.....God isn't going to drop him through my ceiling naked with an erection is he??? We'll be right mate!!!
Cheers I hope you all are well....drop me a line:)
cinnamonstone
