Too High A Price For Happiness
A Story of a Tortured Being
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
OK, well here is an update to my situation. YES, we have a home. Yes, I am happy, as I should be, but yes there is still that cloud of doom hovering over my head. I fear that if I show too much enthusiasm at this point it will curse us.
Sounds a little paranoid & illusioned, but after the past couple of years, it does seem that someone may not have liked me too much. Maybe a few chants were uttered, a hand waved over a black burning candle, & a lifetime of vengence was created. Oh, yeah, I would have left such a mark on another, dont think so. I have looked deep & I can not find any logical explaination for why so much has gone wrong over the past 5 or so years. Not my lifestyle, personality, haven't done anything wrong to anyone, there is some strange connection I have seen, but keep denying....seems as though ever since I married the man I did, everything has been hell. Not to blame but maybe it has something to do with his karma. Maybe I am just grasping here, no matter, it has happened & continues to do so.
Comfort At Last
What a great feeling it is to be able to sit on YOUR own couch, sleep in YOUR bed, open YOUR fridge, cook and clean in YOUR kitchen, take a shower in YOUR bathroom, decorate YOUR home and all the other things that are taken so advantage of. I am beyond grateful for finaly being in a home. Yet, there is unhappiness with and underlying fear of what is yet to come. Let me explain how someone who should be ecstatic, is still sounding so negative.
How I Finaly Got A Home
In an article titled "Gimme a gun, a bullet...." I wrote about a PRC. I also explained what was happening with it. EVERYONE, is entitled to this one time and one time only, and I was trying to utilize it. I was having difficulty with a worker and the fact that it was the fault of such programs that I ended up homeless in the first place. Becouse jobs were not being done in a timeless fashion or at all, I had to take matters into my own hands. I went to my local House of Representatives, called the Governor of the state, and involved a few consumer protection agencies as well. Guess what, people were reemed out, and people wasted no time doing their job properly. It all fell into place in less then 24 hours. This does not go without concequences though.
A Price Will Be Payed
There is no doubt that I ruffled a few feathers in attempting to stop getting the shaft. This particular worker now has my life in her hands for at least the nest 2 months. I tried to tell her it was not personal, that when you have children, you do WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. I let her know that even her supervisor saw that I was being treated unfairly, unjustly, and there was no excuse for this to have been dragged out for as long as it was. She also knows that I was going to college (before my last treatments caused a temporay hold) for the same profession she was in and I truly understand the overwhelming workload. The truth is though, she has the means to keep me down. She can alter more papers, delay anticipated goals, she can so what she please to hurt me now. I am trying to enter a program through Social Security to get back to work, dependent upon docters release, she can really screw that up. I did what we are supposed to be able to do without recoil or repercusion, depend on our government and the representatives of our government, but there will be a price paid by me and my family.
Not Enough To Convince You?
If what I have revealed to you so far is not enough to convince you that I have this gloomy aura above, I have alot more things that are keeping me busy. Things that are financially strpping me, physically draining me, emotionally taking over me. Things that are taking away from a very celebratory period. Let me give you another example.
Another Reveiling Incident
Before we became homeless, my son & I had an arguement one day. It became very ugly. I had to call the police. Yes, I know that sounds really horrible, but it was that bad. When the police arrived they took my son (18 year old) into one room and the other cop stayed with me. My son admitted that it was he who trashed a bunch of my things, he who threatened me and he who started it. He apologized, I apologized for alot of the things I said, (he & I faught alot, but there was no denying the love we have for each other & our fights were always settled well between the 2 of us, this was jsut a bad exception). Anyway, the cop that had been in the room with me asked me a question & while I was answering it, the other officer interupted with a really cocky attitude (one which he had from the moment he walked in the door). I proceeded to let him know that I did not appreciate his blatent disrespect & ill manners in my home. See I was under the impression that since I was the one who called for assistance before my son got physical with me, I would be shown some respect. WRONG. Becouse while the officers were in the hallway before knocking on my door, (which my son & I both knew they were out there) I was heard "yelling". WOW, what a concept, yelling in your home home when in an arguement, being threatened, by your own child!!!!! I guess I should hang my head in shame & throw myself on the mercy of the courts, for I was doing something unheard of!!?!?!?!??! Anyway, this cop did not hide his anger at my unexceptence of being treated like shit by someone who was there to help. They left. My son made the remark, "nice going mom, you managed to get a cop pissed at you." I shrugged it off believing that it didn't matter what kind of "power" they had, what could he do to me?! WRONG AGAIN!!!!!!
Leading Up To The Outcome
Just a few short weeks after that incident we were at a basketball tournament that my daughter was in. The same officer was working the refreshment stand & noticed me. He jumped to his buddy officers, pointed me out & said, "that's the one". They all looked at me, & sirked. This was seen by everyone who was there, including my children.
The Outcome
A few weeks after that incident myself & two other people pulled into a Speedway (mini mart gas station). While I & one of the friends were in the store part, a cop car pulled up behind the parked car & blocked it in. He went to the other person waiting in the car & asked if "the girl that just went into the store, is that Michele blahhhh?" "No, it is Michele blinngggg, what is going on, I am her husband?" No response. (Now remember, he asked if I was blahhh, not blingggg. The car was just transfered into the name blinggg only two days before. Not only were they at my home the day of that fight, I had them there when my daughters & twins bikes were stolen when our dog was kileed, so they new my name & who I was for a VERY long time.)At this time my friend & I came out of the store & the cop asked me for ID & told me I was under arrest. We all looked at each other in shock. I have never been in any trouble & I was trying to tell the cop there had to be a mistake. I told him I just got a criminal background check which was "no offenses, misdimeanor or otherwise" but obviously WRONG AGAIN!!!! I was still trying to find out what the hell I was being arrested for & so were the other 2 people when he shuved me into the patrol car. My friend & my husband were trying to tell him to be careful becouse I was terminally ill & that if they had to take me in, they had to take all of my medications with me, still nothing. Finally, after we started to head to the precinct, I was informed that I was arrested for "contempt of court". Still scratching my head asking what for, he played more of the game of WAIT! Reaching to the absolute deepest of my memory, I still came up blank. Another few agonizing moments went by then he decided to tell me what this so called original CHARGE was. Tattooing a minor in 1997. I was floored. First off, to try & make an already nonbelievable story short, I NEVER had this charge. I came home form work one day with a friend to find a couple of the neighborhood kids in my living room. I found a nice little spill of something on the carpet & found that it was Idian ink. As the 18 year old was doing a tattoo, it was spilled. After further digging, I found out that the 18 year old not only gave himself one, but gave one to a 16 yr. old as well. Needless to say I called the mother. She said she "knew" & it was "alright, just dont tell his grandmother"Grandma overheard, police were called. Reports were taken. I was told that the family was well known for the constant trouble & it would probly be a good idea to keep my son away from them, end of story. Since this incident we have been pulled over 5 times and each time but one there is, again, no reason. They let us go and say things like, "oh, well we thought Eli was driving (my son) and we know he doesent have his license back yet". He does though. The other day, coming back from picking up a friend from work, I was stopped again & I got a ticket this time for "unsafe vehicle". Check this out, the day before while I was on the freeway a truck in front of me was loosing gravel from his load, one hit the right far corner of my windshield & caused a small crack. I called the truck company, they will pay. I went & recieved an estimate to get to them, I had it with me & this cop still gave me this ticket. No police don't PROFILE!!!! Bullshit!!
These things are only a very minut example of the verious things that are rearing their ugly little haeds around all the corners at me. These things alone are causing even more financial, & emotional stress, let alone the energy it is draining from me. I now have to pay for a lawyer just to come to court to ask them how insane they really are. My lawyer is laughing his ass of at this whole "case", I say with tongue in cheeck:). It is just inconcievable to me that everything I have to do with anymore has something attached to it that makes it unbearable to make things right. I expected what every American should expect, to be respected, & helped by Governement Officials when in need. I guess I expected too much for it all has a terrible price tag attached.
Zest For Life Restrained
It just seems that everything, & I do mean everything that I have to deal with on any given day, has become a major dilemma. Just getting a phone turned on has attachments that make it a long drawn out process. Set the phone up, was approved, paid a final bill of $36.00, after all was said and done, told that I have to send in 2 forms of ID. Now why the hell did I go threw all of that, pay this bill if it isent ME???? It was an exsisting account...WTF? Anyway, I want me back. ME, would have been elated about the house & nothing else could hinder that. Me, would have the strength & energy to get through EVERYTHING with a HUGE smile & a go ahead & bring it on attitude. Me, would stand tall & face everything head on & prove I cant be brought down! ()ME! Yes, ME, the one who everyone I have ever known came to for help, strength, moeny, friendship, humor, fun, solace and all the things I have possesed for 40+ years! I AM NOT PARANOID! I know that the world is not out to get ME! SO....WHAT THE FUCK?????????
Sounds a little paranoid & illusioned, but after the past couple of years, it does seem that someone may not have liked me too much. Maybe a few chants were uttered, a hand waved over a black burning candle, & a lifetime of vengence was created. Oh, yeah, I would have left such a mark on another, dont think so. I have looked deep & I can not find any logical explaination for why so much has gone wrong over the past 5 or so years. Not my lifestyle, personality, haven't done anything wrong to anyone, there is some strange connection I have seen, but keep denying....seems as though ever since I married the man I did, everything has been hell. Not to blame but maybe it has something to do with his karma. Maybe I am just grasping here, no matter, it has happened & continues to do so.
Comfort At Last
What a great feeling it is to be able to sit on YOUR own couch, sleep in YOUR bed, open YOUR fridge, cook and clean in YOUR kitchen, take a shower in YOUR bathroom, decorate YOUR home and all the other things that are taken so advantage of. I am beyond grateful for finaly being in a home. Yet, there is unhappiness with and underlying fear of what is yet to come. Let me explain how someone who should be ecstatic, is still sounding so negative.
How I Finaly Got A Home
In an article titled "Gimme a gun, a bullet...." I wrote about a PRC. I also explained what was happening with it. EVERYONE, is entitled to this one time and one time only, and I was trying to utilize it. I was having difficulty with a worker and the fact that it was the fault of such programs that I ended up homeless in the first place. Becouse jobs were not being done in a timeless fashion or at all, I had to take matters into my own hands. I went to my local House of Representatives, called the Governor of the state, and involved a few consumer protection agencies as well. Guess what, people were reemed out, and people wasted no time doing their job properly. It all fell into place in less then 24 hours. This does not go without concequences though.
A Price Will Be Payed
There is no doubt that I ruffled a few feathers in attempting to stop getting the shaft. This particular worker now has my life in her hands for at least the nest 2 months. I tried to tell her it was not personal, that when you have children, you do WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. I let her know that even her supervisor saw that I was being treated unfairly, unjustly, and there was no excuse for this to have been dragged out for as long as it was. She also knows that I was going to college (before my last treatments caused a temporay hold) for the same profession she was in and I truly understand the overwhelming workload. The truth is though, she has the means to keep me down. She can alter more papers, delay anticipated goals, she can so what she please to hurt me now. I am trying to enter a program through Social Security to get back to work, dependent upon docters release, she can really screw that up. I did what we are supposed to be able to do without recoil or repercusion, depend on our government and the representatives of our government, but there will be a price paid by me and my family.
Not Enough To Convince You?
If what I have revealed to you so far is not enough to convince you that I have this gloomy aura above, I have alot more things that are keeping me busy. Things that are financially strpping me, physically draining me, emotionally taking over me. Things that are taking away from a very celebratory period. Let me give you another example.
Another Reveiling Incident
Before we became homeless, my son & I had an arguement one day. It became very ugly. I had to call the police. Yes, I know that sounds really horrible, but it was that bad. When the police arrived they took my son (18 year old) into one room and the other cop stayed with me. My son admitted that it was he who trashed a bunch of my things, he who threatened me and he who started it. He apologized, I apologized for alot of the things I said, (he & I faught alot, but there was no denying the love we have for each other & our fights were always settled well between the 2 of us, this was jsut a bad exception). Anyway, the cop that had been in the room with me asked me a question & while I was answering it, the other officer interupted with a really cocky attitude (one which he had from the moment he walked in the door). I proceeded to let him know that I did not appreciate his blatent disrespect & ill manners in my home. See I was under the impression that since I was the one who called for assistance before my son got physical with me, I would be shown some respect. WRONG. Becouse while the officers were in the hallway before knocking on my door, (which my son & I both knew they were out there) I was heard "yelling". WOW, what a concept, yelling in your home home when in an arguement, being threatened, by your own child!!!!! I guess I should hang my head in shame & throw myself on the mercy of the courts, for I was doing something unheard of!!?!?!?!??! Anyway, this cop did not hide his anger at my unexceptence of being treated like shit by someone who was there to help. They left. My son made the remark, "nice going mom, you managed to get a cop pissed at you." I shrugged it off believing that it didn't matter what kind of "power" they had, what could he do to me?! WRONG AGAIN!!!!!!
Leading Up To The Outcome
Just a few short weeks after that incident we were at a basketball tournament that my daughter was in. The same officer was working the refreshment stand & noticed me. He jumped to his buddy officers, pointed me out & said, "that's the one". They all looked at me, & sirked. This was seen by everyone who was there, including my children.
The Outcome
A few weeks after that incident myself & two other people pulled into a Speedway (mini mart gas station). While I & one of the friends were in the store part, a cop car pulled up behind the parked car & blocked it in. He went to the other person waiting in the car & asked if "the girl that just went into the store, is that Michele blahhhh?" "No, it is Michele blinngggg, what is going on, I am her husband?" No response. (Now remember, he asked if I was blahhh, not blingggg. The car was just transfered into the name blinggg only two days before. Not only were they at my home the day of that fight, I had them there when my daughters & twins bikes were stolen when our dog was kileed, so they new my name & who I was for a VERY long time.)At this time my friend & I came out of the store & the cop asked me for ID & told me I was under arrest. We all looked at each other in shock. I have never been in any trouble & I was trying to tell the cop there had to be a mistake. I told him I just got a criminal background check which was "no offenses, misdimeanor or otherwise" but obviously WRONG AGAIN!!!! I was still trying to find out what the hell I was being arrested for & so were the other 2 people when he shuved me into the patrol car. My friend & my husband were trying to tell him to be careful becouse I was terminally ill & that if they had to take me in, they had to take all of my medications with me, still nothing. Finally, after we started to head to the precinct, I was informed that I was arrested for "contempt of court". Still scratching my head asking what for, he played more of the game of WAIT! Reaching to the absolute deepest of my memory, I still came up blank. Another few agonizing moments went by then he decided to tell me what this so called original CHARGE was. Tattooing a minor in 1997. I was floored. First off, to try & make an already nonbelievable story short, I NEVER had this charge. I came home form work one day with a friend to find a couple of the neighborhood kids in my living room. I found a nice little spill of something on the carpet & found that it was Idian ink. As the 18 year old was doing a tattoo, it was spilled. After further digging, I found out that the 18 year old not only gave himself one, but gave one to a 16 yr. old as well. Needless to say I called the mother. She said she "knew" & it was "alright, just dont tell his grandmother"Grandma overheard, police were called. Reports were taken. I was told that the family was well known for the constant trouble & it would probly be a good idea to keep my son away from them, end of story. Since this incident we have been pulled over 5 times and each time but one there is, again, no reason. They let us go and say things like, "oh, well we thought Eli was driving (my son) and we know he doesent have his license back yet". He does though. The other day, coming back from picking up a friend from work, I was stopped again & I got a ticket this time for "unsafe vehicle". Check this out, the day before while I was on the freeway a truck in front of me was loosing gravel from his load, one hit the right far corner of my windshield & caused a small crack. I called the truck company, they will pay. I went & recieved an estimate to get to them, I had it with me & this cop still gave me this ticket. No police don't PROFILE!!!! Bullshit!!
These things are only a very minut example of the verious things that are rearing their ugly little haeds around all the corners at me. These things alone are causing even more financial, & emotional stress, let alone the energy it is draining from me. I now have to pay for a lawyer just to come to court to ask them how insane they really are. My lawyer is laughing his ass of at this whole "case", I say with tongue in cheeck:). It is just inconcievable to me that everything I have to do with anymore has something attached to it that makes it unbearable to make things right. I expected what every American should expect, to be respected, & helped by Governement Officials when in need. I guess I expected too much for it all has a terrible price tag attached.
Zest For Life Restrained
It just seems that everything, & I do mean everything that I have to deal with on any given day, has become a major dilemma. Just getting a phone turned on has attachments that make it a long drawn out process. Set the phone up, was approved, paid a final bill of $36.00, after all was said and done, told that I have to send in 2 forms of ID. Now why the hell did I go threw all of that, pay this bill if it isent ME???? It was an exsisting account...WTF? Anyway, I want me back. ME, would have been elated about the house & nothing else could hinder that. Me, would have the strength & energy to get through EVERYTHING with a HUGE smile & a go ahead & bring it on attitude. Me, would stand tall & face everything head on & prove I cant be brought down! ()ME! Yes, ME, the one who everyone I have ever known came to for help, strength, moeny, friendship, humor, fun, solace and all the things I have possesed for 40+ years! I AM NOT PARANOID! I know that the world is not out to get ME! SO....WHAT THE FUCK?????????
It's the UFO's I tell ya
