Brad's one sentence summary of the candidates 2008

from JoeUser Forums

Obama: I am for the things that are good and against the things that are bad.

Hilary Clinton: Hahaahahahahahaahahahahahahaha!!!!! Hahahahaha! Hahahaha!

Fred Thompson: I'm not your bro and I am going to taze you.

Guilani: There are few problems that can't be solved with more killing.

Huckabee: Vote for me or you're going to go to hell.

McCain: Don't point out my massive flaws or I'll accuse you of playing dirty politics.

Romney: I am for this unless you're against it in which case I'm against it too.

Ron Paul: I shall find a final solution to the alien invader question.

John Edwards: I will sue the rich and give it to the poor, after my 60% cut of course.

politics
9,206 views 17 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ha! Is this the origin of the "Not your bro and I am going to tase you" category? My favorite is Giuliani.

Dennis Kucinich: My campaign message is carefully crafted to appeal to the median voter... in Sweden.

Huckabee: I had a hilariously over-the-top one sentence summary ready until Chuck Norris actually endorsed me in real life.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Brad,
I think you are starting to get a handle on this writing thing.

I'll add this,
John McCain equals Bob Dole.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dennis Kucinich: My campaign message is carefully crafted to appeal to the median voter... in Sweden.


Are you kidding? Sweden has more sense than that!

In fact, few people in Europe have ever heard of Kucinich and most would regard him as weird and corrupt. Europe is simply not that left-wing.

Our nutters are more in range.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
BTW Europe has never heard of the crazy uncle either. The media here are very careful not to imply in any way that white supremacists actually support politicians who oppose George Bush. It would totally destroy decades of telling people that Republicans are Nazis.

David Duke used to be mentioned in the press occasionally, but not since he became a vocal opponent of George Bush.

Currently European media cover the "extreme religious right" and their stance on abortion. Never mind that most European countries do not actually allow abortion after the first trimester; politicians who demand the same in the US are obviously evil fundamentalist Christians. In fact the actual positions are never mentioned. The media here just report all American left-wingers as pro-choice and all American right-wingers as oppressive fundamentalists who want to force women to slave away for men. They cannot mention the actual positions because most Europeans would find the right-wing positions completely understandable and the left-wing positions utterly offensive.

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Europe:

A social democrat is someone who sees George Bush and a nationalist with moustache who gases people and then believes that George Bush reminds him of Hitler.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

Ron Paul: I shall find a final solution to the alien invader question.

John Edwards: I will sue the rich and give it to the poor, after my 60% cut of course.

End of quote


HAHAHAAHAHHA!


Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Leauki, I was thinking of how Sweden ranks #7 on the Global Peace Index. I could have said Ireland -- they're #4!

Tom Tancredo: My candidacy was downsized and outsourced to a Mexican immigrant named Juan Credo. Dang it!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I was thinking of how Sweden ranks #7 on the Global Peace Index. I could have said Ireland -- they're #4!


I don't know what a "global peace index", but I am guessing that countries that simply capitulate the fascists score higher than countries that fight them.

Anyway, I know Europe, and I am pretty sure that Kucinich would be seen as a nut.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm all for changing the constitution and bringing Bill back. BC makes all the others look like apprentices!
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

I'm all for changing the constitution and bringing Bill back. BC makes all the others look like apprentices!

Thank god you are not a voter! (and no I am not going for Huckabee)

Overall Brad, I would say damn good!  Even my candidate you managed to summarize well!

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Leauki -- who do you think would win an election in Sweden -- Kucinich or Bush? (I searched for polling data but found nothing.) I think France would go for Bush, and the UK might, but I think Germany and Sweden would go for Kucinich. What do you think?
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top

but I think Germany and Sweden would go for Kucinich. What do you think?

Ah, please! Dont do that to Germany!  I like the place.

Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top

who do you think would win an election in Sweden -- Kucinich or Bush? (I searched for polling data but found nothing.) I think France would go for Bush, and the UK might, but I think Germany and Sweden would go for Kucinich. What do you think?
End of quote


It depends. If the Neo-Nazis and communists loudly embrace Kucinich's pacifism, Bush might win. Otherwise "everyone but Bush" would hold.

Neither would make the primaries anyway.

France would go for Bush. The UK would go for Bush if he wasn't American. (It's not that the UK are more anti-American, they just have more to lose by being run by an American.)

Germany would probably split, with the south going to Bush, the north-west to Bush or Kucinich, and the east would go to Kucinich (especially if the communists and the Neo-Nazis endorse him).
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Do the neo-Nazis and the communists ever endorse the same candidate? I have not yet bought a copy of Jonah Goldberg's Liberal Fascism but that doesn't seem likely.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well, thank goodness Bush can't run again. If he did, we'd be at war with Iran, as well.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

If he did, we'd be at war with Iran, as well.

yea, better that they are just at war with us.