Battle For the Internets
Silly little AAR
from 
GalCiv2 Forums
GalCiv2 Forums
Our cast of heroes:
1. The Federation of Trekkers, a bunch of nerds with giant horn-rimmed glasses and Spock ears, who are damn good at technobabble and research, but kinda suck everywhere else.
2. The /b/tards. Insanely aggressive, these trolls and griefers spread out from their homeworld of 4chan to conquer the galaxy with their dreaded Pain Series Spore Bomb.
3. The Furry Fandom. A bunch of sexual deviants who like to dress up as animals. They have the highest population growth and Super Breeder and great morale, that's about it.
4. The Abh. Because I needed a fourth custom race and couldn't think of anything.
(I'll post the actual stats later)
*****
How it went in a nutshell.
1. I chose the Furry Fandom.
2. The furries expanded to the inner worlds on the initial colony rush. Keeping them happy paid off, because a happy furry is a yiffy furry and yiffy furries do lots of reproducing. Within a few turns, they would be at a nice, stable population on each of their new planets.
3. Unfortunately, all this deficit spending meant that the tax rate needed to be raised and production cut. The resulting drop in production forced the empire to stall for several months. During that time, the /b/ tards, Trekkers, and Abh caught up to the fandom in terms of colonies gained, pushing them back towards the north and their own corner of the universe. The empire is kept barely solvent by selling off entertainment technologies to the other races.
4. The Furry Fandom develops trade and their economy finally gets back into the black. The tax rate is lowered and production starts up again. This combination of a decent economy and poor military attracts the attention of the /b/ tards, who start extorting money from the fandom by demanding that the furries pay them money or they will post pictures to Encyclopedia Dramatica. The furries acquiesce and hand over their lunch money.
5. Realizing that the /b/ tards will soon commence a raid on their fandom and wipe them out entirely, the furries come up with a plan of action. They first bribe the /b/ tards into attacking a minor race, the Snathi. The /b/ tards go after the Snathi first as a warm up for their raid on the furry fandom. With their fleets diverted, the /b/ tards have left their borders with the Trekkers and Abh relatively unguarded. The Fandom then bribes the Abh and Trekkers into attacking the /b/ tards.
6. The /b/ tards are completely caught off guard by the sneak attack, and their planets begin to fall one by one. The Abh take over the majority of their eastern colonies, while the Trekkers wipe out a large portion of their fleet and invade their homeworld of 4chan. The imageboard is taken over and used by the Trekkers to post fake newds of Jeri Ryan and Alice Krige.
7. Deciding that they must further secure their place in the galaxy, the Fandom makes like the wimpy little kid who makes friends with the school bully. Since the Abh are set to "warm" and the Trekkers to "cool," the Furs start sending the Abh gifts of technology, money, treaties, and ships. The delighted Abh accept them all, even though the Furry ships are at least two steps less sophisticated, they still make decent cannon fodder, and the Furs can churn them out at an average rate of one every two rounds. Relationships soon warm to friendly, then to close, at which the Furs propose an alliance, sweetening the deal with a couple starbases. The Abh, who are powerful militarily but not so strong economically, gladly accept.
8. As relationships with the Trekkers degrade, the Furries make their final play. They poke and annoy the Trekkers until the exasperated Klingon-wannabes have had enough and raid a Furry world. The Furs go crying to their Abh friends that the Trekkers called them "skunkf--kers," and ask the Abh to go beat them up. The Abh aren't so sure. The Furries hand them a couple thousand bc. The Abh say, "Those jerks, let's go teach them not to pick on our dear Furry friends." War is declared
9. The war lasts for two months, but in the end, the Trekkers fall. Abh military superiority, supplemented by constant gifts of money and resources from the Furs, simply steamrolls the Trekker armada. Diplomatic victory is declared. The Furries celebrate by holding a giant furry convention and yiffing party. The Abh scratch their heads and shrug.
1. The Federation of Trekkers, a bunch of nerds with giant horn-rimmed glasses and Spock ears, who are damn good at technobabble and research, but kinda suck everywhere else.
2. The /b/tards. Insanely aggressive, these trolls and griefers spread out from their homeworld of 4chan to conquer the galaxy with their dreaded Pain Series Spore Bomb.
3. The Furry Fandom. A bunch of sexual deviants who like to dress up as animals. They have the highest population growth and Super Breeder and great morale, that's about it.
4. The Abh. Because I needed a fourth custom race and couldn't think of anything.
(I'll post the actual stats later)
*****
How it went in a nutshell.
1. I chose the Furry Fandom.
2. The furries expanded to the inner worlds on the initial colony rush. Keeping them happy paid off, because a happy furry is a yiffy furry and yiffy furries do lots of reproducing. Within a few turns, they would be at a nice, stable population on each of their new planets.
3. Unfortunately, all this deficit spending meant that the tax rate needed to be raised and production cut. The resulting drop in production forced the empire to stall for several months. During that time, the /b/ tards, Trekkers, and Abh caught up to the fandom in terms of colonies gained, pushing them back towards the north and their own corner of the universe. The empire is kept barely solvent by selling off entertainment technologies to the other races.
4. The Furry Fandom develops trade and their economy finally gets back into the black. The tax rate is lowered and production starts up again. This combination of a decent economy and poor military attracts the attention of the /b/ tards, who start extorting money from the fandom by demanding that the furries pay them money or they will post pictures to Encyclopedia Dramatica. The furries acquiesce and hand over their lunch money.
5. Realizing that the /b/ tards will soon commence a raid on their fandom and wipe them out entirely, the furries come up with a plan of action. They first bribe the /b/ tards into attacking a minor race, the Snathi. The /b/ tards go after the Snathi first as a warm up for their raid on the furry fandom. With their fleets diverted, the /b/ tards have left their borders with the Trekkers and Abh relatively unguarded. The Fandom then bribes the Abh and Trekkers into attacking the /b/ tards.
6. The /b/ tards are completely caught off guard by the sneak attack, and their planets begin to fall one by one. The Abh take over the majority of their eastern colonies, while the Trekkers wipe out a large portion of their fleet and invade their homeworld of 4chan. The imageboard is taken over and used by the Trekkers to post fake newds of Jeri Ryan and Alice Krige.
7. Deciding that they must further secure their place in the galaxy, the Fandom makes like the wimpy little kid who makes friends with the school bully. Since the Abh are set to "warm" and the Trekkers to "cool," the Furs start sending the Abh gifts of technology, money, treaties, and ships. The delighted Abh accept them all, even though the Furry ships are at least two steps less sophisticated, they still make decent cannon fodder, and the Furs can churn them out at an average rate of one every two rounds. Relationships soon warm to friendly, then to close, at which the Furs propose an alliance, sweetening the deal with a couple starbases. The Abh, who are powerful militarily but not so strong economically, gladly accept.
8. As relationships with the Trekkers degrade, the Furries make their final play. They poke and annoy the Trekkers until the exasperated Klingon-wannabes have had enough and raid a Furry world. The Furs go crying to their Abh friends that the Trekkers called them "skunkf--kers," and ask the Abh to go beat them up. The Abh aren't so sure. The Furries hand them a couple thousand bc. The Abh say, "Those jerks, let's go teach them not to pick on our dear Furry friends." War is declared
9. The war lasts for two months, but in the end, the Trekkers fall. Abh military superiority, supplemented by constant gifts of money and resources from the Furs, simply steamrolls the Trekker armada. Diplomatic victory is declared. The Furries celebrate by holding a giant furry convention and yiffing party. The Abh scratch their heads and shrug.
The possibility that this was a parody of popular perceptions of different groups seems to have evaded some people.
