Did you hear the one about...

Termites are so funny

from JoeUser Forums
I've really weary with all this heavy stuff lately! Oi vei! So I'm lightening it up.

"Bar" jokes are some of my all time favorites because of their reliance on wit. I'm posting my all-time favorite in hopes to hear your favorites as well.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey! Where's the bar tender?!"
humor
9,705 views 6 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have 2:

A Priest walks into a bar. He said "ouch".


A man with a giraffe walks into a bar. He orders a beer for himself and a glass of water for the giraffe. He downs the beer, then gets up and starts to walk out. "Hey" said the bartender "are you just gonna leave that lyin' there?"
"It aint a lion" said the man "it's a giraffe".
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Heres one I liked:

A turtle left a bar and was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."

All right Shulamite, I confess, I put the bit about the bar in myself ...... just so it could be classed as a bar joke!
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
So this one is a lot like dharmagrl's, but I love it anyway.

Two guys walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says "You didn't see it either?"
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Or like "Three guys walk into a bar and the fourth one ducks."

I love these. Nice one Gerry. Good maneurvering, too! I've never heard the giraffe one! How GREAT!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I only have one. (I know a bunch of blonde jokes!)
Stop me if you've heard this one.....;)

A pig walked in to a bar, sat down and ordered 3 beers. Drank all in a row. Sat for a moment and went to the bathroom. Came back and sat back down at the bar and ordered three more.
Another pig comes in and orders 5 beers and drinks his all in a row , but immediately goes to the bathroom. He also returns to order more beer.
A third pig comes in and orders 9 beers, he drinks a little more slowly, but finishes them pretty quickly. He waits a moment and then orders a few more.
The bartender was curious, so he asked the pigs, Why is it the rest of you went to the bathroom but your buddy didn't?
The last pig replied, "Oh I go wee wee wee all the way home!"
:O)
Long but cute!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Or the classic: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey buddy, why the long face?"