Is it OK for a girl to ask a guy to marry her?

I proposed to my husband. There were no rings or bended knees or anything. But it was more like a conversation.

Actually it's all a little blurry to me. See, I also clearly remember when he was in basic training he mailed me a diamond ring...and yammered on uneloquently in a letter about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

I can't remember which happened first though.

I think it's fine for a woman to propose to a man, and of course vice-versa is great too. This guy you saw on TV sounds like a prick though. Cheating and stuff. Let's be glad that the freaks on TV aren't indicative of the general population.

So what if the woman in the relationship decides to take the bull by the horns and make the proposal; is that so wrong?

No, but women must then accept the answers they receive, just as men do.

He’s just saying what guys with commitment issues say.

Why is it if a man does not want to marry, he has an issue? I personally think marriage this day and age is more a farce than anything. I mean really. I thought marriage was about love and wanting to spend forever with somebody. Since when did that require a contract filed with the state? Besides, forever is unrealistic these days.

Hmm, I said to myself. It looks like he’s being evasive to me.

Really? "...he wanted to be the one to do it, being a guy and all, he wanted to do the male thing, and get the ring, go down on one knee and pop the question himself."

Does this really seem evasive?! Seems as this guy put things right out in the open to me. Perhaps you feel he was evasive because you cant accept his reply?

Even though they’ve been together for a long time, she’s ready, he’s not. Yep, he’s afraid of the commitment, that or he’s cheating.

Yeah, maybe he is not ready to make his personal feelings into a contract. Maybe he is happy the way things are. If they have been living together for so long, what difference does it make if they are married or otherwise?

Oh, I see how the female mind works; Because a guy is not ready to marry, he must be cheating. Sheesh, thats pretty enlightening. Is that what women mean,(cheat), if they refuse a marriage proposal?

How can he be afraid of commitment? They have been living together "so long". Seems pretty commited to me.

Of course sure enough, later in the film you see him cheating on his girlfriend with someone else! I knew it!

Its pretty much a relationship breaker when somebody refuses a marriage proposal. I wonder if the cheating started prior to or after the proposal? Again, that one of the risks you run when proposing to your loved one.

If a couple is in a relationship it shouldn’t really matter.

Thats absolutely correct. It shouldnt matter if they are married or not.

Of course, some men are so skittish and commitment phobic,

Again with this one. I guess women always say "yes". The commitment crap is a way to make it a mans fault because you are not getting what you wanted...a contract and a blood sample.

After all perhaps he’s always been receiving mixed signals and isn’t sure anymore, or she wasn’t ready yet.

AAhhhh....So maybe there is no commitment issue all along? Maybe he knows shes cheating on him. This is why we do not judge people in their romantic relationships. I learned that when I was a kid.

Personally I think its fine if a woman wants to propose to her man. However, they need to be prepared to handle the mans answer like a big girl, and knock off all this "guys are afraid of commitment" crap. Oh, and also be prepared to see your relationship fade if he says no.

Cheating and stuff. Let's be glad that the freaks on TV aren't indicative of the general population.

HHmmmm...The general poulation does not cheat? That must be why the divorce rate in America is over 55%, and another 23% for those of the firt batch fail after they remarry. Seems pretty indicative to me.

HHmmmm...The general poulation does not cheat? That must be why the divorce rate in America is over 55%, and another 23% for those of the firt batch fail after they remarry. Seems pretty indicative to me.

That's sad. I guess I maintained some hope that the general population was wiser & stronger than that. Well it ain't happening anytime soon in my family. In the little world I live in I see people working a lot harder on making marriages more successful than people have been in recent decades of selfishness & shallowness.

By the way I don't watch TV because of the crap shows like this that spread such lies that cheating & quitting are normal and acceptable. Such lies are poison for the mind. And people are drinking it up.

why would a guy not be happy that his girl asked him to marry her? Guys? Anyone?

First there is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man.  However, that the man has not asked would tend to indicate (how is that for equivocation?) that he is not ready for a committment.  And therefore, no he would not be happy.  A caged animal does not feel happy, and some men do not want marriage as they see it as a cage.

Actually it's all a little blurry to me. See, I also clearly remember when he was in basic training he mailed me a diamond ring...and yammered on uneloquently in a letter about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

This is uncanny! My hubb did the same to me! We were apart, I was here he was still in Jamaica and that's how he proposed!

This guy you saw on TV sounds like a prick though. Cheating and stuff. Let's be glad that the freaks on TV aren't indicative of the general population.

Yea, thank heavens for that!

No, but women must then accept the answers they receive, just as men do.

So we're in agreement that it doesn't matter who does the proposal?

Why is it if a man does not want to marry, he has an issue? I personally think marriage this day and age is more a farce than anything. I mean really. I thought marriage was about love and wanting to spend forever with somebody. Since when did that require a contract filed with the state? Besides, forever is unrealistic these days.

Something tells me you may have been bitten uh? If that's so I'm sorry. However, you're giving me the typical 'guy' response here. See you guys make things more complicated than they really should be. Nothing unrealistic about getting married and spending your life together, it's what you expect out of it can be unrealistic if you don't communicated and have things up and above board before getting involved. That's the problem righ there.

Really? "...he wanted to be the one to do it, being a guy and all, he wanted to do the male thing, and get the ring, go down on one knee and pop the question himself."Does this really seem evasive?! Seems as this guy put things right out in the open to me. Perhaps you feel he was evasive because you cant accept his reply?

Not really Xythe. If you were watching the movie, seen the facial response and the body language, you would have agreed with me. AND as the movie continued she found a picture of him on a website when the girls in her office were online looking for a date for one of them, a singles, dating website! She asked him about it, he said it was a joke by one of his buddies.

Oh, I see how the female mind works; Because a guy is not ready to marry, he must be cheating. Sheesh, thats pretty enlightening. Is that what women mean,(cheat), if they refuse a marriage proposal?How can he be afraid of commitment? They have been living together "so long". Seems pretty commited to me.

Read the above responses again Xythe. A few of the reasons why. Actually you know what, I remember the name of the show now because I searched it out, it's a new television series called "Six Degrees" The woman is one of the main characters, she's a lawyer. Google it, you should be able to watch it On Demand from the Web.


It might be a television show but what I said still stand and is reality for a lot of women (and men) too. I have quite a few single friends who have been bitten too.

Its pretty much a relationship breaker when somebody refuses a marriage proposal. I wonder if the cheating started prior to or after the proposal? Again, that one of the risks you run when proposing to your loved one.

He's been cheating on her the whole time! She's none the wiser and is just finding things out in stages. Actually she's not seen him cheat yet, she's just seeing too many things that don't add up and he always has an answer for everything.

Again with this one. I guess women always say "yes". The commitment crap is a way to make it a mans fault because you are not getting what you wanted...a contract and a blood sample.

...you're funny without even trying Xythe!. I've been there and back a few times with friends and their relationships. I'm a lot older than you so I have some experience and know what I"m talking about.

Personally I think its fine if a woman wants to propose to her man. However, they need to be prepared to handle the mans answer like a big girl, and knock off all this "guys are afraid of commitment" crap. Oh, and also be prepared to see your relationship fade if he says no.

I agree with you on this partially. Why shouldn't a woman who has invested time in a relationship look for more than just living together? Most women do want to get married and have children. Notice I said most. Some don't and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. It's just that if two people are in a relationship, why aren't both of them on the same page? There's something wrong with that picture.

Thanks for your response Xythe, I appreciate it!

In the little world I live in I see people working a lot harder on making marriages more successful than people have been in recent decades of selfishness & shallowness.

Yes and that's a good thing, that people are working hard at making their marriages and relationship work.

By the way I don't watch TV because of the crap shows like this that spread such lies that cheating & quitting are normal and acceptable. Such lies are poison for the mind. And people are drinking it up.

One has to know how to separate the lies and what's reality or not. One has to be able to see also what does happen in real life. Sometimes a person has to see for themselves before they can put two and two together and come up with the reason why they might be having problems.

However, that the man has not asked would tend to indicate (how is that for equivocation?) that he is not ready for a committment. And therefore, no he would not be happy. A caged animal does not feel happy, and some men do not want marriage as they see it as a cage.

Ahaha....thanks for vidicating my comments Doc!

In the little world I live in I see people working a lot harder on making marriages more successful than people have been in recent decades of selfishness & shallowness.

You see Angela, it's not really a matter of selfishness of either party. Remember, marriage is supposed to be forever. In the past, some of our parents and grand parents managed to make it through all the roadblocks, and somehow, against the odds, made things work out so that both people were satisfide. But times are different now. The world is far more complex and it's hard for people to commit to anything forever, let alone a lifetime relationship. Sometimes, no matter how hard you work at something, it's just not going to work. Look at what it takes for people to live together; it's a lot! Sometimes people simply grow apart.

I can tell you this, because this is how my 14 year marriage ended. Not in some cheating BS, but simply 2 people who were married at 17 and 18 whos lives had changed. You cant expect anything to last forever. Nothing stays the same...ever. The world by its very nature is dynamic.

By the way I don't watch TV because of the crap shows like this that spread such lies that cheating & quitting are normal and acceptable. Such lies are poison for the mind. And people are drinking it up.

I dont watch them either. In fact I only watch about 9 or 10 hours of law and order a week. Thats the extent of my television wathing.

Never fear though, forever can work for the right people; sleep well knowing that

So we're in agreement that it doesn't matter who does the proposal?

Without a doubt, IMHO

So if the girl asks a guy to marry her does the guy still have to buy her a diamond ring? Or does she buy one her self. Or maybe she gives the guy a diamond ring, now that would be a switch.

I see nothing wrong with a woman asking the man of her heart to marry her,  and if he says no then she can choose to stay in the relationship,  she can choose to set a time limit on how long she's willing to wait,  or she could choose to cut her losses ( if she's been involved a long time) and start anew....

 

Something tells me you may have been bitten uh? If that's so I'm sorry. However, you're giving me the typical 'guy' response here.

Ive been bitten, Ive done some biting. Thank you though for your concern If I can do anything in this thread, it's to help you understand that men are no more "typical" than women. Men scratch their nuts, and women chatter idley about this and that, but beyond that, the world has made us all into complete individuals. Very little of what any of us do today is typical. It may seem typical, because that is a common reaction that many women think when they dont here what they like. Its like the male conception that women are crappy divers. Statisically, this simply is not so just like it is often not so with any generalization.

Not really Xythe. If you were watching the movie, seen the facial response and the body language, you would have agreed with me. AND as the movie continued she found a picture of him on a website when the girls in her office were online looking for a date for one of them, a singles, dating website! She asked him about it, he said it was a joke by one of his buddies.

I may have, or I may have not. But I can tell you one thing for certain: Its my experience to stay well clear of other peoples relationships, and to not draw any conclusions. We dont know what these people were goiung through, we dont know who cheated on who. Maybe it was a joke. Who are we to say?

It might be a television show but what I said still stand and is reality for a lot of women (and men) too. I have quite a few single friends who have been bitten too.

It's easy to draw conclusions. I know, I do it all the time. However in my "old age" I have learned to keep them in my head rather than blurting out my speculation and empty conclusions.

...you're funny without even trying Xythe!. I've been there and back a few times with friends and their relationships. I'm a lot older than you so I have some experience and know what I"m talking about.

I believe you.

Ahaha....thanks for vidicating my comments Doc!

Not wanting a commitment is not the same of being afraid of commitment.

So if the girl asks a guy to marry her does the guy still have to buy her a diamond ring? Or does she buy one her self. Or maybe she gives the guy a diamond ring, now that would be a switch.

Who knows? In this day of gender equality traditions change left and right.

I see nothing wrong with a woman asking the man of her heart to marry her, and if he says no then she can choose to stay in the relationship, she can choose to set a time limit on how long she's willing to wait, or she could choose to cut her losses ( if she's been involved a long time) and start anew....

Or the man can feel pressure and end the relationship. Women do it more than people think. One of the consequences to "popping the question".

Or the man can feel pressure and end the relationship

Yep

Each person is unique. Just like everybody else.

Nothing wrong with the woman popping the question. Nothing wrong with the guy saying no either.

Remember, marriage is supposed to be forever. In the past, some of our parents and grand parents managed to make it through all the roadblocks, and somehow, against the odds, made things work out so that both people were satisfide.

The thinking that marriage has to last forever is not made in stone. That's actually what we have come to expect from it. What we have learn to accept as fact from what we see of our parents and grandparents marriage. It becomes that idealistic dream that we all have. However, when the bubble have burst and we're back on 'earth' so to speak, we realise its not all a bed of roses, you have to work hard at it, just like everything else. YOu have to learn to love that person all over again because he or she is no longer THE person you thought they were for whatever reason.

That's why some people's relationship don't last, when the lust is gone and the rose-colored glasses have cleared up, they get scared and either they're going to run for the hills or they're going to stand and work at their relationship and their marriage and remember why they loved that person in the first place.

However, and let me state before it 'rains' protest, that is not the same for everyone. Some people are very fortunate to not have this problem from day one. Some people are lucky enough to really have found THE one and not have a problem at all and that's wonderful, they are one of the lucky few.

And for some, the bubble bursts a couple of years into the marriage. It just depends on the person, the individuals involved and what's going on in their lives.

The world is far more complex and it's hard for people to commit to anything forever, let alone a lifetime relationship. Sometimes, no matter how hard you work at something, it's just not going to work. Look at what it takes for people to live together; it's a lot! Sometimes people simply grow apart.

This is true and I agree with you.

[I'm going to post this now because my computer is acting up and I might lose what I just wrote!]

I don't see why not.

I mean, I'd like to be the one to propose, but, if my gf does, then i'm not going to become all macho or something. I mean, either way, we'll be together.

Anywho, i don't think i made sense.

~L

I can tell you this, because this is how my 14 year marriage ended. Not in some cheating BS, but simply 2 people who were married at 17 and 18 whos lives had changed. You cant expect anything to last forever. Nothing stays the same...ever. The world by its very nature is dynamic.

Sorry to hear that Xythe. Cheating is unfortunately the reason why some people's marriages fail though. However that's true that people change and they grow apart.

I'm glad I can say that my marriage is alive and well after, gosh, more than twenty years of being together. It hasn't been an easy road, there's been so many obstacles along the way. And sometimes there still are. But fundamentally we love and respect each other, we give each other space to have our own interests and we are not afraid to have heated open discussion when one is annoyed or upset with the other. What works for us might not work for others so , as I said before each person is different. There have been times when I can't tell you we were both at crossroads, that's normal for most couples. We're not perfect, our marriage isn't perfect but it works.

However in my "old age"

It seems I might have jumped the gun on that "I'm older than you" comment uh?!!

...you're funny without even trying Xythe!. I've been there and back a few times with friends and their relationships. I'm a lot older than you so I have some experience and know what I"m talking about. I believe you.

Hahaha, yeah, sure you do!!

Or the man can feel pressure

Yes I'm aware of the other side too. However, I have to look at this from the point of view of a woman. Majority of times, the woman is the one who gets hurt in a relationship. This doens't mean the guy doesn't get hurt, he does too, but women come out of a relationship many times because of the guys lack of commitment or sometimes he has too many! [yeah, cheating again!]

So if the girl asks a guy to marry her does the guy still have to buy her a diamond ring? Or does she buy one her self. Or maybe she gives the guy a diamond ring, now that would be a switch.

I think that's only fair game right there! Why not?!

and if he says no then she can choose to stay in the relationship, she can choose to set a time limit on how long she's willing to wait, or she could choose to cut her losses ( if she's been involved a long time) and start anew....

My point exactly Trudy!

Men scratch their nuts, and women chatter idley about this and that, but beyond that, the world has made us all into complete individuals.

LoL! OK, I'm gonna leave that one alone!! [can't get that visual out of my head!]haha

Or the man can feel pressure and end the relationship

Of course! It's a free world!

Nothing wrong with the woman popping the question. Nothing wrong with the guy saying no either

Very true M! Nothing wrong with that at all!

I'd like to be the one to propose, but, if my gf does, then i'm not going to become all macho or something. I mean, either way, we'll be together.

This is the point, you will be together!