Let’s talk about Sex

In a relationship

from JoeUser Forums

Sex in a relationship is very important. I know you will all agree with me on this. It’s one of the most important parts of the relationship. Anyone who says it isn’t doesn’t know what they’re talking about or they are lying to themselves!

One of the things a couple will fight about in their relationship is sex. I know there are those who don’t believe in sex before marriage, well, to that I say it’s up to the individuals. I seriously don’t think God will be angry at you for making sure that you and a person are compatible before you take the plunge and get married. If you want to wait, go right ahead, there is nothing wrong with that. However, if it’s someone that you really feel you can have a life with, then why not! That’s my opinion, if you don’t agree, we won’t argue about it.

Sex in a relationship can be difficult or it can be great. I’ll relate a little of my experience so you know what I’m getting at.

I met my now husband when I was 18. I was actively dating without having intercourse. That was my choice. At 18 I wasn’t ready to take that plunge.

During our dating relationship, we kissed a lot. Kisses were super great. As we got to know each other better we took it a step further and did the touching bit while kissing. That was as far as it went. I still wasn’t ready to take the plunge. I wanted to wait. He decided he would wait because that was what I wanted.

In between us dating he suddenly disappeared as if he dropped off the planet and I was very happy I had not taken the plunge! I started dating other people again. But I didn’t fool around because for me it wasn’t like that. Except this one guy who I felt an immediate attraction to, my crush! I won’t go into that, you can see my other blogs for that story!LOL!

I continued to date other people and while doing so, bumped into my almost-took-the-plunge-boyfriend at a club. I’ll tell that story another time.

So after one thing or another we got back together. It was a year after that we made love. That experience for me was pleasant but the earth did not move. I was young, and I was very green, and although he was experienced and made it as easy as possible. It was not what all the books talked about! He told me that it will get better for me. And as I get older, he’ll be the one who cannot keep up with me! I laughed at that.

As our relationship progressed. One thing being intimate in our relationship did was brought us closer together. He was willing to do whatever it took to make me enjoy our sexual relationship. He took his time, and I was grateful for that. As our relationship grew and got stronger, I got in tuned with my body and knew what I liked and what I didn’t.

I learned to let go of some hang ups, because if it was going to be a good sexual relationship, I had to let go of those hang ups. In a relationship there is give and take, receiving and giving. That’s not only in the bedroom, but in every other aspect.

As I got older, I got bolder in asking for what I wanted. How else is he going to know? I told him and there’s nothing wrong with giving instructions, take my word for it!

The one thing I can’t stand when we’re being intimate is being rushed. You know what I’m talking about ladies? The times when he’s all gung ho and wants you now, and you don’t want to do it because it will be a rush job for one reason or another (most times it’s the children)! I dislike that with a passion and he knows this. The times I do give in to him are just because I love him and I know it will be uncomfortable for him. That’s the term you’ve heard before, a quickie. I dislike quickies like that.

Now there are the quickies that I’ve enjoyed, where we’re both into it, really super charged and we’re tearing at each other like animals. Yep, the books don’t lie there! But both of you have to be into it, otherwise it becomes a matter of him going at it, while you do your nails or pay the bills or think about what’s for dinner!

The point of me writing this is that in a relationship, if a guy is not willing to take his time, and administer love to his woman, then you’re going to have a difficult time. He has to be willing to give you pleasure not just take it. He has to be willing to do what it takes to help you reach that pinnacle of no return, and take pleasure in doing it, it can’t be rushed. Rushing will only make you wonder what is going on and also lead to great disappointments. And of course going into the bathroom to finish what he started! That’s not a sexual relationship that is torture!

My husband was right about one thing, getting older, there are times when he cannot keep up and he’s no wimp!

Also, if that part of your relationship is not working there’s nothing wrong in getting help. Whether it’s by watching videos, reading books or going to see someone who’s versed on that situation. There’s nothing wrong with you, it just takes time to make it work and as I said, the guy has to be willing to give the time to make it work. Not rush and fumble around like a teenager. No passing the ball here, we’re not on the football field! So explore and enjoy it because that’s what it’s all about!
4,126 views 15 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Good article, I know what you mean about the rush thing. My gf hates it when I want to "get it on" as soon as she gets home. So I'll usually settle for a bj then wait
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm like you. My husband and I were each others firsts. It was fun but not earth shaking. I think it was after he went on a six month deployment that I let go of all my hangups and just enjoyed it instead of worrying about how I looked (fat?) and feeling self-conscience. It has just gotten better since then.

I don't mind an occassional quickie but would definately have a problem if it was always that way. A little quickie sprinkled in with the good stuff is alright but not a steady diet of quickies then I would feel like I was just being used and I would buy him a pocket pussy and give him a picture of me. ha ha.

I always tell my hubby that he has no idea how lucky he is to have a wife who enjoys sex and is almost always up for it. I know how some of my friends talk and it amazes me that they just really don't enjoy it at all. To them it's like brushing their teeth, just a chore that they do to shut their husbands up but not because they want to.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
So I'll usually settle for a bj then wait


such a gentlemen - lol!
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
hehe, it was partially a joke....partially

I was her first as well, we started dating freshman year of highschool, so about 9 years now.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Good article, I


Thank you Caracarn!


So I'll usually settle for a bj then wait


! I read further and realise it's a joke! Partially....still funny though!



think it was after he went on a six month deployment that I let go of all my hangups and just enjoyed it instead of worrying about how I looked (fat?) and feeling self-conscience. It has just gotten better since then.


I understand what you mean. You have to be open, wrong choice of word; receptive to his and your needs. Our body image in our head can be a factor as well. You can't see in the dark!



don't mind an occassional quickie but would definately have a problem if it was always that way. A little quickie sprinkled in with the good stuff is alright but not a steady diet of quickies then I would feel like I was just being used and I would buy him a pocket pussy and give him a picture of me. ha ha.


Hehe...that's so funny and so true Loca.


so about 9 years now.


Congrats and making it work!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Paradigm.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Paradigm.


Ockham a little clarity is in order here, don't you think? A one word comment is fine if it makes sense. A word such as you've used, is loaded with possibilities. So clarify yourself.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Some of the best sex I've ever had has been 'quickies', usually in places where the potential for being caught is very high. These haven't been anything planned, just young lust running wild.

These days, of course, I prefer to take my time. Hell, I don't have much choice. To quote "What I used to do all night now takes me all night to do"...
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
First off, congrats that your relationship is going well.

Secondly, I'm glad i found this article. My gf and I are both green, when it comes to "the plunge," she's given bj/hj's, and me...nothing. We've talked hours about this subject (and others, that's not the only one). We've been able to talk about what we like/dislike, what we expect,etc.. We've essentially layed a groundwork. By no means is it going to be solid. Given time and such, we'll both change. At least, it isn't so that we both go charging in. Figuratively speaking.

So, reading this has helped me greatly. Thanks.

*thumbs up*


~S/P
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Some of the best sex I've ever had has been 'quickies', usually in places where the potential for being caught is very high. These haven't been anything planned, just young lust running wild.


Circumstances like those are definately exciting! Most times for me these days quickies happen at home and depending the mood I'm in, it can be adventureous or not!! When we were younger, like yours, yea, adventure was our middle name!







These days, of course, I prefer to take my time. Hell, I don't have much choice. To quote "What I used to do all night now takes me all night to do"...


!



First off, congrats that your relationship is going well.


Thank you!


Secondly, I'm glad i found this article. My gf and I are both green, when it comes to "the plunge," she's given bj/hj's, and me...nothing. We've talked hours about this subject (and others, that's not the only one).


OK, dialogue is good.


We've been able to talk about what we like/dislike, what we expect,etc.. We've essentially layed a groundwork. By no means is it going to be solid. Given time and such, we'll both change. At least, it isn't so that we both go charging in. Figuratively speaking.


Great! It's good to discuss these things before you do get involved. If you don't talk, you won't know what's going on. You're willing to listen and be receptive and reciprocal, sounds like you're on the right track to me. I wish you luck in your relationship!


So, reading this has helped me greatly. Thanks.*thumbs up*


I'm glad and thank you!
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
The most selfish thing I've ever heard said between spouse... "I don't want to talk about sex, I just want to do it!"
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
The most selfish thing I've ever heard said between spouse... "I don't want to talk about sex, I just want to do it!"


Yep, that would be! Sometimes it's good to talk about it and find out if both people are happy about it or not. Otherwise, how esle do they know. Maybe that's why some women are so unhappy about their sex lives and would rather go shopping than be intimate with their spouse.

Although I would rather go shopping and be intimate later! Anytime, and my hubby knows that!!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sex...I've heard of that.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Reply By: MasonMPosted: Thursday, September 21, 2006Sex...I've heard of that.


! Oh you slay me M!!
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sex...I've heard of that.


  Ah, that's a good laugh right there.

~Zoo