Do Husbands & Wives *Make Out*?

Yes.  It happens to us everytime he's getting ready to deploy and every time he gets back from a deployment...and sometimes when he's been home for a while too.

It's not a daily occurrence, mind you.  It's not like that ALL the time, and sometimes we have to mix things up a bit in order to re-ignite that spark...but it DOES happen.

 

Dr Phil said something that I've been trying to apply to my marriage recently - he said that if we put as much effort into our existing relationship as we put into thinking about, fantasising about and otherwise wondering about what it would be like to have an affair....then perhaps our existing relationships wouldn't be bad enough for us to wonder about an affair in the first place.

It's given me food for thought for a while.

Most definitely Angela! Like Dharma said, it won't happen everyday, I don't feel like that everyday. But when I do and he does and the electricity between us is like....wow! Even after all these years of being together!


For me, my husband wasn't my first kiss. I dated several guys before I met him. I just didn't go all the way because there was no chemistry for me. The ones I liked, we made out, kissing, touching, but I usually didn't do that often because I disliked leading men on. So I usually tell them up front, no getting in these pants! Except for that one guy I had a major adult crush on at the time, it could have happened with him. But my hubby was my first sexual experience and I'm happy for that.

Because I am a loser, my husband was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything. But I'm good with that. There's no comparing then, just adoration of him.

We've only been married for 2 1/2 months. Our first sexual experience was on the morning after our wedding. To be honest, we make out a lot. Of course, that making out usually leads to love making. At this point I actually enjoy the making out more than the sex. I hope that's normal. I guess I really don't know. I'm not going to ask my mom about it, that's for sure.

When we do make out though, it's not the same as when we first started dating. Back then it did have that "WHOA...I'm kissing a boy and he's got his tongue in my mouth!" feeling. Now it's more safe...and it makes me feel beautiful I guess...wanted.

I'm babbling...and I've probably given you way too much information. Sorry.

But I've never felt anything quite like that first kiss, that first touch, from that first boy. So from that stems my stance on saving oneself for marriage, kissing and all. How beautiful & everlasting that first experience might have been with the man I married. I wish I'd known back then what I know now. I wish I'd known about the magic between males & females, how fragile and precious it can be. But it's gone

eeewwwwwwwwwww! my first kiss was gross!      god forbid I was stuck with that for the rest of my life! He nearly swallowed my whole face! gross out!

When I was married we used to make out quite a bit in the oddest places too! Then we got older and staider and more boring....and more boring.....
  

eeewwwwwwwwwww! my first kiss was gross!

Mine, too. It was a bad, bad kiss. I'm really glad I wasn't stuck with that girl for the rest of forever . . . I'd have gone all Hira-kiri long ago!

I'm not married, yet, but when I really, really like a girl and I kiss her, I get that rush of adrenaline and my heart starts a beatin' like a snare on the battlefield! So I think that it's possible, and I hope that like dharma and serenity I can still feel that when I finally settle down . . . far, far into the future.

PS when I first looked at your blog, Angela, I didn't see my name on your blogroll (because it was previously under my actual name, not my screen moniker) and I was hurt. Glad to see you don't hate me after all and I'm still there!

Dr Phil said something that I've been trying to apply to my marriage recently - he said that if we put as much effort into our existing relationship as we put into thinking about, fantasising about and otherwise wondering about what it would be like to have an affair....then perhaps our existing relationships wouldn't be bad enough for us to wonder about an affair in the first place.

While I'm not generally a Dr. Phil fan, that's a durn good quote.

Anyhoo, angela, yes, husbands and wives can "make out". Here's a quick tip for ya, one we have employed in the past.

Get a babysitter and reserve a hotel room in town, where you are available should an emergency arise. Get a hotel with a restaurant and an indoor pool because one of the cardinal rules of this plan are to not leave the hotel once you've checked in until you check out to return home. Not even for toothpaste. Buy it at the desk if you've forgotten it. They key is to create a fantasy of being at some exotic escape, if only for a night or two. You'll be surprised how quickly that "spark" returns when you're in a hotel bed right after soaking in the jacuzzi watching "the Sopranos" on the hotel's free HBO.

yeah, my wife and i have been known to make out on occasion,,,it doesn't happen in public like it did when we were dating too often, as we are usually busy chasing kids around when we are out and about together these days.

also, about the newness of it. i would like to believe in those "just like the 1st time feelings" but it would be disingenuous. there is no substitute or repeat of any "1st time" in life, and that includes making out. it might be poetic to think that way, but it's simply not true. but there are advantages that the "1st times" usually don't hold...for example, we know each other extremely intimately after 13 years together and 11 years of marriage (on the 30th of sept.). that allows us to know exactly what the other one likes. i won't get into any details about our personal tastes, but i can say that both 1st times and the times later in a relationship both have their own unique advantages and pleasures.

one other note, usually when we make out these days, it almost always leads to a sexual experience, something that didn't happen after the 1st kiss, or 1st time making out. "just" making out occasionally happens, but it is more often part of foreplay and all these days.

Can husbands & wives get all excited like they're teenagers meeting for the first time? Beautiful, electrifying kisses, hands curiously wandering as if for the first time? Is it possible to ever feel that wondrous feeling again?

Close, but no cigar. And thank God! I got's hair trigger reflexes sometimes ya know..

  

if we put as much effort into our existing relationship as we put into thinking about, fantasising about and otherwise wondering about what it would be like to have an affair....then perhaps our existing relationships wouldn't be bad enough for us to wonder about an affair in the first place.

Good point. I've resigned myself to the fact that for anyone to desire me besides my husband, I'd have to be a bit younger, fresher, firmer, and a bit less pregnant :: So I hope my hubby & I can feel like teenagers again sometime. He's the only one I'm really allowed to dream about, and that's alright.

I disliked leading men on.

You know, that's the funny thing. If a young gal is enjoying some cuddles & kisses, the guy seems to assume she wants to go further. But often we don't. I've been accused of "leading men on" before. But it's not like that at all. I just prefer the cuddles.

Dang I sound like a teenager who's trying to figure out relationships. ::

my husband was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything.

That's beautiful. INVU.

At this point I actually enjoy the making out more than the sex. I hope that's normal.

Who knows what "normal" is, but I feel the same way you do. Ideally I think sex happens once both parties are so completely into each other that they can't possibly devour each other any further! I rarely get to that point. Therefore (for women who prefer making out to sex) sex can often be one-sided, in favor of the male. But there is hope...sex can be fun. Gotta get creative sometimes though. Enough said for now

my first kiss was gross!

Yeah, I've known a lot of people whose first kiss wasn't so great But I'd trade a bad first kiss for a lifetime of good ones!

PS when I first looked at your blog, Angela, I didn't see my name on your blogroll (because it was previously under my actual name, not my screen moniker)

Hehe. Yes you're still up there! At first when you divulged your entire name in one of your articles I got all excited because so few people do that. So I went ahead and put your full name on my list. But every time I saw it after that I felt it was out of place for me to do that. So I changed it back to your screen name

reserve a hotel room in town

That really is a good idea. I enjoy retreating to hotels for just the reasons you stated. We've tossed around the idea a bit, but we both have babysitter phobias. We really ought to get over that, eh?

there is no substitute or repeat of any "1st time" in life, and that includes making out.

That's the sort of down-to-earth perspective I have about it too. Thanks for saying that, because everyone else seems to be of the optimistic mindset of, "Oh yes, you can definitely relive feelings like the first time," and I feel sort of at a loss because I just can't figure out how to do that.

... times later in a relationship...have their own unique advantages and pleasures.

Looking forward to that.

Who knows what "normal" is, but I feel the same way you do. Ideally I think sex happens once both parties are so completely into each other that they can't possibly devour each other any further! I rarely get to that point. Therefore (for women who prefer making out to sex) sex can often be one-sided, in favor of the male. But there is hope...sex can be fun. Gotta get creative sometimes though. Enough said for now

You'll have to give me some ideas sometime. We're not that creative for newlyweds I guess.

Yes. It happens to us everytime he's getting ready to deploy and every time he gets back from a deployment...and sometimes when he's been home for a while too.It's not a daily

Ditto.

I enjoy retreating to hotels for just the reasons you stated. We've tossed around the idea a bit, but we both have babysitter phobias. We really ought to get over that, eh?

We have the same issue. It's hard to find a trustworthy person who you can burden with your kids. sigh.

Thanks for saying that, because everyone else seems to be of the optimistic mindset of, "Oh yes, you can definitely relive feelings like the first time," and I feel sort of at a loss because I just can't figure out how to do that

The first kiss between HW and me....he kissed me on the forehead. Sigh. BUT...we had a first kiss in every room of our new house (and mad each one count!), We've had a first kiss in a VS dressing room, theater, shoe store, playground....get the picture? you can't change the first, but you can choose to make a whole bunch more "firsts". Christen every piece of furniture (make out or sex), suprise each other in the store. Show up at work with lunch and freshly applied lipstick. Send him back to the office a little rumpled and he will have a very good afternnoon. So don't get frustrated yet. It just takes a little imagination and effort.

Plus, you may not feel like it was a magic "first time" quality kiss, but you can set the stage and do your best to make it that way for him. After a few practice runs, he may suprise you or you may discover that "first time" isn't the only special kind of kiss.

I don't think there is really anything like a first kiss from a guy. I hate to say it but sometimes I think all that excitement from a first kiss is mostly just nerves, as in nervousness, not physical sensations.

And to answer your question, we do make out. And it's good. hehe. I have to honestly say, I can't think of much better after a long hard day than a warm intimate kiss with someone you truly love.

I'm not married, but I think anybody that has had a few years of experience between them and their first kiss have a handle on the question.

I personally was disappointed with the whole experience of kissing. Throughout my "learning curve," I consistently got more and more "skilled," expecting to discover some fundamental element that makes it the breathtaking experience people talked about. It never came. Not that I didn't enjoy it--I did--but it was in a mechanical-attendance-to-needs kind of way.

And then...

I met her. This was years after my first kiss and most of my stores of innocence were spent and gone, and their products a barely recollectible past. But with her... she was the girl every guy fell in love with, but nobody ever dated. She was a league beyond, and she believed that dating was only for those who thought the relationship might eventually end in marriage.

We were friends first--best friends, and I loved it. And then we had that moment when we both realized, together but separately, that a very fundamental element of our relationship had changed. We didn't speak of it when it happened, or acknowledge it in any way. In fact, it was pretty unsettling.

I remember our first "date." I remember being so completely electrified when I touched her. So full of stunned disbelief that this angelic creature wanted to be with me--and after all the hoards of other men who tried so endearingly and painstakingly to win her affections. I remember being more electrified by that touch than any kiss I'd ever had.

It never faded. In fact, it was frustrating at times, I think, for her. Usually a girl can count on a guy's impatience to keep things moving forward, even if she doesn't particularly want to; but me? No. I could hold hands with her for hours in perfect bliss. That's never changed, although it's been less than a year and I suppose that's not terribly long, but here's the thing: I had given up on sex and its affiliate minions, certain that it was merely a grunting concession to an undeniable instinct.

And now? I think there is a strong instinct and a physical component to it--well, I suppose that's obvious enough--but she's taught me that the most critical element is the relationship that gives it meaning. And what a relief that is.

The Hazel Target

And to answer your question, we do make out.

Yeah, I KNOW you do! From what you've shared with me over the years, you guys seem to have a hot, fiery marriage, and that's so enviable.

I just can't imagine doing that with my husband though. Blech. I never was really hot for him. He was just a penis at the right time when I needed one. (*Blush* Did I say that?) But I crave so much more.

But I'll live. Not everyone gets everything they want. I've got food and water and a roof over my head and lots of other things. So I guess I can live without romance since that's the kind of guy I chose to marry.

I wouldn't suggest putting the transcript of this blog in his birthday card.

I wouldn't suggest putting the transcript of this blog in his birthday card.

Ditto. LOL.

No one can ever say you're not honest, AngelaMarie.